Or is DH? Stuck on holiday with him

The thought of your DC rushing to comfort you is heartbreaking, OP. I bet he feels like he's treading on eggshells as much as you are. As someone who grew up with a dad with lots of triggers and a filthy temper I can tell you it's a horrible atmosphere in which to grow up. It cuts really deeply. So, with the greatest of respect, I'm going to say your couples counselling clearly isn't working and for the sake of your children, you need to put your marriage out of its misery.

@WITWHBIWAGT

I’ll tell you a couple of things I’ve noticed.

Some men hate spending family time with their kids, unless it’s all about them and what they want to do. But they know that saying this out loud makes them a shit dad and partner . So they act like arseholes when they are there and hope that their wife will say ( as suggested up this thread) “ ok you just go off and do your own thing while all do all the parenting “.

They also like to pick fights on holiday, so they can dump their resentment at actually having to be there at all.

Some men think that they shouldn’t have to do any of the grunt work of parenting, especially on holiday . They think that’s women’s work . Like buying lunch or letting the kids have first choice of food because they are kids.

Some men think they should always come first, which is hard with young children as they are also self centred. But eventually they learn that life is better if daddy always gets his own way, otherwise he will sulk and spoil things.

Does any of this sound familiar ?

He sounds absolutely vile.

Sounds like my ex. All woe is me if I dared to make a slightly negative remark towards him. Holidays were always the worst. It was almost like he couldn't cope with being with me and DC, though more likely found the change in routine difficult. He has ASD, it was a pattern of behaviour. I only realised after he had to move out how much I was on edge all the time, and it was beginning to affect the DC. It was a relief to say he wasn't coming home. We're all much happier. He has a small life, a low paid job with no responsibility, no responsibility for the kids, time to do what he wants.
And I've found myself again! It's not easy but I love my life now.

To be honest it's not really about the sandwich. It's bigger than the sandwich. The sandwich is just a symbol of bigger issues. You have my sympathy OP. Men can be moody annoying arseholes who act like teenagers. I have one of these at home too. It sounds like you need a little break from each other... absence can make the heart grow fonder, or at least give you some space to think about things.

Me be it's time to reconsider the marriage. Either the couples counselling is working or it is not.

How will you cope if you part?

Let this one go and cheer yourself up creating a bright shiny future without him. It's a thought exercise, nothing more, but you need to start thinking along these lines if things do not get better. This behaviour cannot be allowed to continue, if only for your kids.

I am not out to upset her. I have a lot of sympathy for her and have said his behaviour is out of order. But the question of the post is AIBU or is dh, so I am pointing out where he is coming from in response to the question.
if all she wants is sympathy then fine but ask for sympathy rather than a question about which one is being unreasonable in a situation where both have done things that have annoyed one another and got overly annoyed by it

But when you were in the supermarket, what did you consider/discuss for him to eat?

Anything? Nothing? Or was he always going to have just leftovers

You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your ‘D’H sounds like a horrible bully. Is this the life you want?

Would the counselling money not be better spent on therapy for your kids? Inflicting them with walking on eggshells, tension, the man's tirades and tantrums will be damaging them.

So you can see his POV.

Why not just say that to him and say how you understand how he could have misunderstood.
You chose to claim to not see his POV/misunderstood which meant the argument carried on and escalated.

There is no point in doing couples therapy if you’re not going to communicate properly.
That includes trying to see each others POV.

I’m sure there are a lot of wrongs on both sides.

Perhaps forget about the couples therapy and use the money to take the kids on a trip separately considering this one has been ruined for them.

Please ignore that poster @WITWHBIWAGT , they are just here to upset you.

Usual suspects on here trying to make this OPs fault.

I am so glad someone else notices too! I'm expecting some more, one in particular. A little while ago, they started going on to the relationships board telling women in very abusive relationships to just do better too. It is so toxic. They are starting to stand out thank goodness.

OP, you did nothing wrong and it must be awful walking on eggshells and minding what you say constantly. Living like that is not good for you. I hope you are in a position to make plans to leave, this must be awful for you and your children.

I said from the start that he overreacted. He just have let it drop and not got you upset.
I was just pointing out that I could see why he was annoyed (the continued going on about it was not acceptable ).

the wine incident sounds like he might have left him feeling like he couldn’t do anything right. You told him not to do something, he then did something differently and you told him that was wrong . Without being there I have no idea of knowing whether what he did was stupid or if you made a fuss about nothing and making out you were evil is not wrong but maybe he is feeling like he can’t do anything right/dictating what and how he does things so maybe just try and be aware of that.

It sounds bloody tiresome. Is this him trying his absolute best?

If so, I think I’d be out.

He sounds an insufferable. My ex husband used to moan, carp and flounce about food which drove me insane. Next time your husband go to the shop, pick through the slim pickings and try to keep everyone happy

If there was enough bread and humous for all then why didn't you give dh the option of Sarnie or bread &h

For everyone who thinks the op should have worded it differently. Do you really after running around an unfamiliar supermarket struggling to find a lunch that everyone is going to eat, quickly grabbing things and already bracing yourself for grumbles, feeling hot, tired and overwhelmed, do you really think it is your duty to craft pleasing sentences in a melodious voice on your return? I think it is more than enough to emerge with food - any food as long as it is in date. If you are a bit grumpy and frazzled, well your family should have a bit of empathy.

This is not about the sandwich. This is a about a couple whose communication is sliding past each other. What you are saying and what you mean doesn't align.

Based on the three described situations, it sounds as if he is feeling you have to 'win' every minor disagreement.

He thanked you for your explanation, you refused to accept how it landed for him.
You asked him not to put bottles in the boot and then got irritated when his solution wasn't what you wanted, but didn't say what your solution was.
Then in a conversation he was having with DC, you jumped in and critcised him again.

The anger becomes disproportionate because of the constant rubbing each other up the wrong way. Resentment is building and unless you find a way to get clearer with each other, this marriage is dead

Yanbu, how bloody petty of him. Can't count the number of times there wasn't any milk or forgot to get bread and dh pretended he wasn't hungry any more. He would have eaten the damn sandwich without a word if that was all left. Well if the kids didn't want it then off course as the adult you let the kids eat the only other thing that's there. And if you don't eat meat you aren't even part of the problem.