DH won’t stop talking

Why don't you want to hurt his feelings? Why can't you just tell him how boring and rude he's being? He's the one upsetting people!

My SIL is like this and it’s utterly draining. At family get togethers, I just want to have a laugh and a drink but she is so unbelievably intense. Never talks about anything light hearted - it’s all about illnesses, how fab she is at her job, a documentary she saw (which she’ll explain in every detail till you’ve totally lost the will to live). No one ever wants to get stuck with her.

It’s insane - how are people not aware that they do it?

I have an uncle like this. We all used to joke about it and no-one wanted to sit near him at family gatherings. He isn't horrible but sooooo boring. He would drone on about his work for hours. Never actually listened to anything you said or asked you any questions, just loved the sound of his own voice 😩 I'm not sure what the answer is... did you not notice this about him before you married him? You could say something to him but I doubt he's going to change.

My father was the same way and it only improved when he was diagnosed with dementia about the only positive about that disease

I am filled with admiration for the friend of mine who once announced loudly to the man who was doing exactly this - "Why is what you've got to say more important than anyone else? For fuck sake?"

His face was a picture but it did the job.

Ah, I do this sometimes and stop myself by saying 'Oops, I'm waffling again - don't mind me, I don't get out much'.

Also I want a tshirt I saw that says 'Skip Intro'.

Can you say to him...

Why dont you try to find out two new things about everyone around the table....
He HAS to ask questions and listen...

Does she though? I realised years ago that being my husband's social monitor really stressed and exhausted me. She is not responsible for teaching him how to behave or bearing the embarrassment of other people's annoyance at him or his anger if she explains.

OP I think you should just decide it is his problem, not yours, and you have no responsibility for it at all. I get up and wander into another room if someone is dominating the conversation: clear the table or fetch more wine or make tea or just stroll outside to gaze at the stars. Or I turn to someone near me and start a quiet conversation of my own. Relax, do that, and show others by your actions that it is fine, as far as you're concerned, to do the same.

Couple of folks like this in my family...

A few times, after excruciating incidences like this, I asked 'so what did X think about that... ' and 'what did Y say to that' a few times... and then when they can't actually tell me, I point out they have NO idea what anyone else thought or said, because no one else could get a fucking word in and they were boring the arse off everyone.

That or a raised eyebrow in the moment and then a 'is this a monologue or can anyone else join in?'...

Can you make a joke out of it, maybe 'bloody hell Mike you've barely caught your breath you've been talking that much, let Anut Jean get a word in'

Could you approach from a different angle with him?

Mention research that as we age we should really practice asking questions of others, really listening and remembering. That the brain stays more active & agile & youngful the more we gathering information and apply active listening. Challenge him to give it a go and both of you compare notes after an evening as to what you remember others saying. Worth a shot.

May give you both something new to talk about (possibly at length 😉).

They sound separated at birth. Except my BIL is horrendously un pc, loves winding people up with his bigot bombs.

@cupcaske123 Oh God yes!!!
If anyone comes round and mentions they are going somewhere, I cringe, because I know what's coming next. And however hard I try to interject and shut him down, he'll wait ten seconds, looking put out and then continue!!!
"What I'd suggest is, take the M62, onto the... blah blah blah..."
I usually say, please shut up, they've been before, they have a phone with a sat nav on, they know where they're going... All to no avail, because he isn't happy until he's told them the route and alternatives for roadworks! Drives me insane!

I have a similar situation.

1. When he's monologuing, I do interrupt. If he objects to me interrupting I remind him that this is supposed to be a convo, not a lecture. (He has learned from this and recognises his tendency to monologue. Don't know if your DH has this ability.)
2. Start side convos. DH kicks off, turn to the person sitting next to you, ask.them how tje <whatnot> went, where he got <whatever> etc. Just cos biggob is spouting doesn't mean you habe to pay court. You (all of you) are enabling him.

This is one of those bad breath / body odour type ones. A bloody awkward conversation to have with the potential of offending him but you’re married and it needs saying. How about, “I think you could be a more sensitive communicator. You aren’t letting other people contribute and don’t seem to be interested in checking to see how people are responding to you.”

Funny how men who don’t ‘take kindly to any form of criticism’ are also self regarding bores. I would have to tell him straight to stfu.

My grandma is like this. I’ve got to the point where when I go over I don’t even attempt to say anything. I just sit there and let the nonsense wash over me.

She doesn’t require any input at all! she will just talk and talk and talk- ask no questions to me at all.

Once I accepted she was this way and stopped trying to say anything at all, it made things a lot easier.

I don’t see her super often though, so god knows how I’d cope with a partner like that 🙈

And no this is not age she has been like that at least 30 years!

I do have adhd and definitely annoy people talking. I'm somewhat better now I'm older but since being menopausal, I have lost my words and ability to listen to my DH rant...so I yell "fewer words" at him, which is quite the double standard...

But we get on and don't have to mince words.

I'd not be happy in OP's position as I used to watch my DM talking and recognise the glazed look well.

I often tell students I’d like the short version when they go into convoluted stories about why they don’t have their books etc. It’s possible to be polite without offending them, surely you can just tell him? I think you may need to interrupt him if he keeps doing it at dinner. I would hate this on a holiday, I don’t want monologues, it’s why I can’t spend time with my mother when she’s drinking.

There are definite parallels with elements of ND and being an old git, 🤔

I have a relative like that, no one is brave enough to mention it though so we tend to all end up chatting quietly to the people sitting next to us and he fades away eventually. Can you try sitting away from him and chatting to a smaller group?

Or, if you have any close friends in the group, have a secret plan to all start playing games looking bored on your phone when he goes on?

Malcolm, can you hurry up and get to the punchline, then STFU.

Anyone else's go on about roads? My BIL wants to know which route you took, why you didn't turn off at the A231 junction and go directly onto the B47.