My two were planned. I was a very intense mother to my first, suffered with severe post partum anxiety (which no one ever mentioned back then)and felt I had to give 100%, 100% of the time.
The second pregnancy was tough because I had low blood pressure, horrible nausea, pre natal depression (also never mentioned), and pelvic girdle pain and trying to cope with a high energy toddler too nearly killed me.
But completely unexpectedly, once I gave birth it all got so much easier. Because I now couldn’t give either dc my everything, I found I could ease up on myself much more. I had way more confidence as a mother, and was much better at it, and that gave me more confidence with dc1. I also was prepared for my inlaw’s shenanigans the second time and was able to side step them. That actually improved our relationship because I wasn’t such a pushover.
There are downsides to having two - it’s great when they get along, not so much when they’re at loggerheads. Mine can be chalk and cheese and I often feel pulled in two directions. I have sometimes thought about what it would be like to be the mum of an only (considerably easier) but I feel like I’d be two different people by now depending on which one it was.
I hated my sibling growing up and the feeling was entirely mutual! We’re very close now and I’d be lost without them. Especially going through the illness and death of a parent,
My response is a bit all over the place. I don’t think there’s any right or wrong choice - but it can work out differently than you expect.