If you only ever wanted one kid and ended up having two... any regrets?

what did you decide to do? I’m in a pretty similar situation right now!

OP? How did you get in? Exactly same situation my 4 year old is MY world.

I have two dg & ds - the age gap is 4yrs, they get on fine. I had always wanted two dc.

My other point is once you & dh are no longer here (a morbid thought) if you have another it will be company for your older dc in later life.

You don’t split your love in two when you have a second OP, your capacity to love just doubles. I didn’t believe it until I held my second baby in my arms

We decided to adopt and were adamant we’d only adopt one child, which we did (we adopted a baby). We were both besotted and felt our family was complete. Ten months later we were informed a full sibling had been born and social services asked us to adopt the sibling to keep them both together. We were so conflicted as we’d not wanted two and felt our family was already complete. I really didn’t think my heart had any more room for another child and worried our first child would never forgive me. That said, neither of us could bear the thought of them being separated and the sibling going to another family - deep down, we knew they should stay together.

Fast forward five years and we’d have it no other way. They really are the perfect package (and I say that despite the fact they have complex needs and can still on occasions fight like cat and dog). I love watching the way they entertain each other, eavesdropping their bonkers conversations , the way they’ll ’gang up’ together against us and how they experience the world through each other’s eyes. Hearing them belly laugh together is the best thing and makes up for the ridiculously long days of having two under two in nappies, neither mobile.

From a practical perspective going from 1 to 2 is much easier than 0 to 1, especially if they’re close in age. I’m so, so glad we did end up with two (though never in a million years would we do it all again!).

We planned on 1. Had 3 rounds of IVF, it eventually worked and it was twins. Twins are quite hard work but it is lovely seeing them play together and interacting. They have quite different personalities. I do wonder how much easier it must have been having one. They wouldn’t have any cousins from either side so it’s good they are twins as they would be the only children

My DD1 is 2 and DD2 is four months.

DD2 was unplanned - I was open to another but DH wasn't, to the point DH had his head in his hands shouting "fuck" and totally went off on one when I told him.

I offered to go to the clinic with him to discuss options, but in the end we decided against it.

It IS hard on my relationship with DD1 at the moment while DD2 is so little - Dd1 wants to play and do things with me and my hands are tied at times. BUT - I can see a light - and I think as soon as DD2 can sit up / interact a bit more, she can be involved in playing with us etc, and that will get a bit easier.

I can already see little moments of them interacting, and it is the best thing ever.

I've spoken with a few friends with similar age gap kids who are a bit further on (now 2 and 4, for example) and they say it's the best thing ever, the kids have a constant playmate in each other and family dynamics are well worth the initial juggle!

Good luck 💐

I wish I had my second one closer together to my first, I have a larger age gap. When the gap is smaller the existing child adapts after b cause they were an only child for a shorter period.

Start talking to her about a second sibling now and watch your relations role with her before her sibling comes along, that way you both have already somewhat adjusted.

Good luck!

This is exactly my situation too!

Mine are still tiny though🤣

Honestly no regrets. It's hard but not as hard as going from 0-1 Imo. Seeing them together brings indescribable joy.

I was definitely apprehensive. But, you reach the stage of no return and I just went with it. My DH was really keen on having 2 and it didn't cause us any financial stress.

Me. Really didn't want 2. I've got a 2.5 age gap. I chatted with a friend who was an only child and hated it. (Her father left and her mother died, she was raised by her nan who then also died- not a typical family!)

The baby stage was absolutely fine and from about 3 & 5 it was lovely. I'm so glad they have each other and it shocks me sometimes to think that they almost didn't.

My two boys are best friends. From the minute the younger one (there’s a 3 year gap) was aware of anything, he idolised his brother, and my older one finds his little brother hilarious. We have done lots of work over the years on compromising, sharing and allowing them to work their own squabbles out. They have to share big toys / tech / TV which means they’ve learned to listen to each other and work out what they both want. It means we get a fair bit of kid free time because they’re mostly together. Right now we’re chilling with wine whilst they watch TV and chat; if I had one I’d feel guilty leaving him alone too much. I’m not trying to persuade you - more showing an example of how siblings can be the sweetest thing ever

Well that’s your answer.

wasn’t happy that I couldn’t take the pills at the time, but I just couldn’t.

But it absolutely appalls me now to think how things were almost different.

I was very happy with one, it was DH who was pushing for number 2 and so we gave it a try as I wasn’t against the idea, I just wouldn’t have been sad if we’d only had DD.

Theres a nearly 5 year gap between them and at their pre-teen and primary school ages, they have little in common. Tbh they sort of exist in two fairly different worlds and rarely interact (DD is autistic so this may affect it)

But having said that, DS is an absolute joy of a child and while they don’t have the sibling relationship at the moment people dream of, I wouldn’t be without either of them.

I had an abortion between them with an unplanned pregnancy. I just knew instantly that it was the wrong time for a million different reasons and I wasn’t ready for pregnancy and another child then - but as I said, I always knew even then that if I didn’t have a second child it would be ok.

I always wanted more than one child, even though I loved being an only child; when I had a second baby, I felt like I’d taken something away from my first one. But my relationship with my older child would have changed anyway as she got older, and now I love watching my older child be a big sister.

If you can’t bring yourself to terminate, that’s your brain and body telling you that this isn’t a decision you feel you can live with.

My story was very similar . We decided to only have 1. DH was adamant he only wanted 1 but I accidentally became pregnant.

absolutely hands down the best thing that happened to our family. Our boys get on like a house on fire 3 yrs 8 months between them. dS2 is a joy to us all and we feel like we would be incomplete without him. So nice for them to have siblings . Before hand we said that our family was great as it was , we were too busy to have more , both hated the baby stage . The truth is that it has been brilliant to have 2 .
The best thing that ever happened to us. Good luck !

Remember if they fight and squabble a bit as kids that also helps them adapt to the world to other people. Having a sibling is more than just how you get on it’s a deep loyal love and support when you don’t have parents. Your child may grow up thinking how they wished they had a sibling and how nice it would be to do early teen stuff with a sibling not just a parent or friend. You may feel you’ll lose some fo of connection to your first but your love for their connection will fulfill you. I think. Try to reframe change as growing your family is growing. That’s all and that’s lovely and when you want to read a book watch TV you won’t see them just sitting in their own at home the kids can be playing lego, barbie, who knows. The sibling albeit he she is different from your first is just an extension of your first in another. That might not make sense.

Always wanted more than 1.

When second came along, first absolutely loved it. Involved DC in the whole pregnancy, private scan with gender reveal and we played 'games' with the bump, creating a bond even before second arrived.

First was upset when I went to hospital for Labour but my sister drove up to be with her and made it special for her too.

Their bond is amazing, so much so I now what a third

Two is magic number for us too. Granted I always wanted that, but we found our stride, have more resilience as less phases us when - they entertain eachother and so far are best friends. Good luck whatever you decide. X

We originally were going to stick with one, but realised our DS was quite introverted and we were probably spoiling him, certainly the grandparents were. So decided to try for another, which took longer and DS1 was nearly 4 when DS2 arrived. They got on so well and were really great friends and we were glad and happy with the 2. Fast forward 20 odd years, and they’ve fallen out big time and don’t speak, are complete opposites with only football in common, but I wouldn’t change it. In fact I would have liked a 3rd, but that would have meant moving to a larger house and we really couldn’t afford to.

Slightly different. I had tried for a second. Then decided to stop trying. And was really happy with that decision and throwing baby stuff away. Then my period never came. Them found out I was pregnant. Was really, really unhappy to be pregnant. Even booked an abortion and got as far as having the pills to take placed in front of me. But couldn’t take them.

He is 8 now and I am very, very glad to have him. The boys get on well. And they always have each other and always will. It’s lovely seeing them play and chat ( not so lovely when they fight!)