AIBU to think we can afford 3 kids?

AIBU to think he’s being over cautious and financially we’re ok financially

You lost me at that point. He is presumably DH / DP.

If he isn't on board then you can't have a third. But you know that.

So you don’t need to start to claim it again? You already have?

anyway. Good luck 👍

Yes, I know CB isn’t limited to 2.

Thats why I said UC benefits. Not CB, If he earns over 60k you won’t get UC, if your child was disabled. You would get carers allowance and dla for the child.

and as you have a mortgage and don’t rent you would get nothing to housing costs, even if there was UC available.

OP@wonderfulthingabouttiggersis Oh come on, you have an extremely good income, we have 2 kids on less and I don’t even work due to chronic illness, we have a very good lifestyle with a larger mortgage than you and still afford multiple holidays and max out our pension contributions. However the moment anyone says they don’t think they can afford another kid then this is a good reason not to have another one ….as perhaps they don’t really want one that much ..what your husband may mean is he doesn’t want to compromise your lifestyle for another kid, which is fair enough!!!

So why have you listed only £50 as one of your spend lines on your budget if you then save more.

Your total listed comes to less than £3200 so there’s surely a £3k black hole where your money is going but not accounted for.

I you each save £300 that’s £600 spare if you will, not a huge amount of wiggle room for another childcare bill if you got pregnant right away.

Obviously in theory £6k with a relatively low mortgage should be able to sustain 3 kids, however if you don’t know where your money goes you can’t be realistic about where to cut back.

Budget 15k per child for uni which parents are supposed to contribute to.

I agree with others re sen as even 1 dc with 'mild' asd can be tricky working when they are at school for first 2 years or so as they can be overwhelmed and certainly dd had so many issue i thought she would be expelled at 4-6.
Also transport to secondary is £800 a year here.

The thing is OP, your H doesn't want a third child. He is saying you can't afford it. This could mean one of many things. He is seeing it as a lifetime commitment and is worried about long term costs. He doesn't want to plough surplus income into a third child and wants to enjoy a higher standard of living with more disposable cash. He has reason to be concerned about income security. He doesn't want a baby for non financial reasons and is making an excuse. I think rather than have MN confirm what is obvious - that you can afford nursery, nappies and food for a baby - you need to talk to him and find out his reasons for saying this and go from there.

And if yiu are both on 60k why haven't you started claiming it now?

As PP said what about affording the extra plane seat on a holiday, or the extra theme park entrance ticket. Every time you go for a.emal or the cinema its that extra cost. Plus when they want new toys, laptops, game consoles, phones. Then as teenages all new clothes as they won't always what hand me downs. Then you'v3 got 3 lots of driving lessosn, 3 lots of cars, 3 lots of car insurances.

Would yoy want to be able to help all 3 children with deposits for houses etc. The babt stage is the cheapest

So you both earn 60k each?

I didn't say you were in benefits. Why would you be on benefits?

I was talking in reference to you saying if you child was disabled you would give up work claims carers allowance and benefits. Unless you husband earns very little and you sr the main wage earner (meaning you wouldn't get CB) you would get dla and perhaps carers allowance. But not benefits.

And given the 2 child rule, you wouldn't get UC benefits for all 3.

I don't much care if you think I am rude but why start an AIBU thread when you have your mind made up? What a waste of everyone's time!

I can tell but that's because you seem to be generally confused about finances.
My logic is this - you may plan on things remaining largely the same (like, you didn't use formula with your other two) but you actually have no way of knowing if this will be an option with your third. You have a high salary but are able to save very little of it and your initial calculation doesn't seem to show where the money is going. So you are not having a very realistic picture of your finances.
You seem to forget that children don't remain babies forever which means you will have additional costs of clothing them, educating them, providing entertainment, paying for one more airplane seat, buying each of them a phone and a laptop before too long. You have not accounted for any of that. So far, you seem to think that cloth nappies and breast milk is enough to get you through their entire childhood.
Your expenses will continue to grow exponentially. Which means your lifestyle will change. That, in itself, is not an issue. I don't actually think you can't afford the third I just think you are completely clueless about how your finances will change as a result. So if you want one, go for it. But my personal approach would be to actually start putting money aside every month to simulate the changes you are likely to experience with the third and see if you still like the lifestyle you are left with. And, I am guessing, this is what your husband is hinting at when he says you can't afford it.

I am confused.

Why would you start claiming CB again? At least one of you earns over 60k. O think I might be missing something there.

And if you gave up work for a disabled child, you would perhaps get dla. Carers allowance is next to nothing and likey to get very little in benefits if your husband earns a decent wage.

I'd keep in mind you may have to pay for childcare and wrap around even if not using it during maternity to save your place

Given you can obviously afford the immediate costs, perhaps your DH means you can't (or he'd prefer not to) afford another 21 years of it. Never being able to have a smaller car. Always another chunk on the cost of holidays/days out. Never able to consider reducing hours or taking an easier lower paid job. Another through uni etc. It's not just whether you can afford a baby, it's whether you want a third dependent for another two decades and possibly beyond.

Holidays get pricey when your a family of 5 and kids are pre teens and up. Plus it's awkward to find accommodation as most hotels don't cater for families of 5. You usually end up having to book 2 rooms.