AIBU to think we can afford 3 kids?

You definitely could afford 3 children, a lot of the expenses posters are mentioning are wants versus needs, such as travel, days out, extracurricular activities, university/education expenses and social stuff. So, it then comes down to what you want life to look like and where your priorities lie. No one knows if you can afford the life you want with 3 children.

I have 4, and now they are older, they are SO much more expensive than I could have anticipated. However, a lot of those expenses (like braces, private ADHD assessments/treatment, travel costs, extracurricular activities, high level sport participation, going to friends parties, and additional life and income protection insurances to protect us) are optional. If we had to cut back, we would.

I will say though, that the time is an important point someone has raised. Now 3 of mine are old enough to have their own friends and activities, the juggle is incredibly tough. We have 3 afternoons each week where all 3 finish an activity at the same time across 3 different locations. We often need someone to take one of our children to their sports events, so definitely make sure you build quite a good village around you. We have no family, so it’s often other parents that will help us out. I often feel like I’m not giving any of them the quality time they truly need and deserve.

I’m not saying don’t have number 3, you are clearly set on it, but definitely be realistic that you won’t be able to provide for 3 the same life you will 2. This isn’t all negative, with having no immediate family, I think we were driven to have a big family to hopefully create a larger village for them!

That wasn't my experience, as one of 4. My parents had an age gap relationship but my dad never seemed to be so much older than my mum. We all got pretty much the same level of attention even though they both worked pretty much fulltime throughout our childhood.

One sibling developed a hugely challenging health issue at the age of 7. It went away for a time but became an issue when they were 14. It massively drained my parents' resources but I never felt like I was treated as lesser because of it.

We were fortunate to grow up in the era of student grants so when 3 of the 4 of us went to uni, it wasn't a problem. None of us crossed over anyway.

@AnonyLonnymouse which of your siblings do you wish hadn't been born?!

I think that you probably need to have a deeper conversation with your husband, which you are probably planning to do of course.

Your life seems pretty much perfect as it is, so rolling the dice again will always be a risk.

All your calculations and plans are for the easy and predictable part of childhood. Time is a huge factor, especially when the need to support children with home work or their general academic progress really kicks in. Then you will have three children, each with their own friends, interests and extracurricular activities, quite possibly in three different directions!

Then remember that needs are not always identified in early childhood - it is quite possible to have a learning need or medical condition become apparent later on in childhood, which has happened in my own family.

I was one of three and, being totally honest, rather wish that my parents had chosen to have two children instead. Each of us had times when our needs were overlooked in favour of another child who was at a critical stage, and this was with a full time SAHM. To be frank, they both seemed worn out with parenting by the time I was in my early teens and they still had another decade to go for my younger sibling!

Then ‘life’ happens - in my family’s case it was a huge financial crash obliterating their savings and one adult getting cancer while two of us were in primary school…

Finally, do take a serious look at the university costs threads. There was one where a Mumsnetter had two children going to Bristol at the same time and it was absolutely eye-watering! Student finance does not cover costs these days - some of the privatised halls of residence cost more than the maximum loan! The idea of parental contribution is baked into the model as the higher your income, the less your child can borrow. Apprenticeships will not suit everyone (there isn’t exactly an apprenticeship for every subject) and are pretty competitive in themselves. So you do need to plan for higher education support, as this is only going to get more expensive due to the problems in the university sector.

Is your youngest in nursery just term time only? And no holiday childcare costs for your school aged child?

I'm really not clear on how you're only paying £180 a week. Are your kids only in nursery 2 days a week? And if you had 2 kids you'd be paying double that.

Anyway, like others have said you need to input everything into a spreadsheet to truly know the answer you're seeking.

The responses related to a child with a disability are very odd to me. The chances are this won't happen. If everyone planned for a loss of a job, broken relationship, car crashes, disabilities etc etc, no one would ever have kids

Never will I understand why people respond like this...

Fees are almost always increased yearly, so I wouldn’t put a max figure projecting forward a few years.

We stopped at 2 for (my) health reasons - but as it’s turned out it’s been the best ever as a lot of the things cautioned about on this thread have panned out.

Both dc have extensive health and mental health issues which have required a huge amount of parental time and money (to pay for private counselling etc) and I can now only work part time and had to give my up my 6 figure salaried job in the City.

Both dc are now at private school which we can afford as only 2 - we can also afford very nice holidays. None of this would have been possible if we’d gone for three and Dh and I don’t regret our decision for a moment.

The maths is too bitty, lots of drip feeding (albeit unintentional, I realise). Just pop it all into MSE’s budget tool. Make sensible predictions for the future about rising childcare costs, etc., and you’ll have your answer.

However, the high-level version says you can comfortably afford it.

Are you sure £180 a week will be the maximum for a nursery in future?
Most people we know are paying £80-95 a day for full time nursery (not London). So more like £450+ a week

Considering there is only £700/800 left over on almost full time salaries it doesn’t sound like there is a huge amount of wiggle room for you to reduce to part time without hugely shaking up your budget. Certainly not part time with another child and no reduction in what you currently spend.

Looks like you can afford it. It be more concerned about two parents working full time, and needing it to sustain your lifestyle and spreading your time even thinner with a third.

Oh I think that you do!