To ask if it’s bad to send your children to childcare when you’re not working?

I think it would be far more selfish to take DD out of nursery and resettle her. There is a possible argument for taking DS out to give him some one to one time but the insistence that it’s in a baby’s best interests to go somewhere for three weeks, out for six, back for good is baffling. That would be devastating from a settling point of view.

Yeah, selfish and devastating to not send your baby to nursery…keep telling yourself that.

There is lots of evidence that the benefits of nursery kick in at 2.5. There is no evidence of any benefit before then.

Thats not the question here though - are you seriously suggesting that a 1 yo wouldn’t prefer being with their mum than in nursery? OP’s baby has been in this nursery for 3 weeks - she doesn’t have a secure attachment with anyone there.

So I take my baby out, let her forget the staff, then resettle her in September only leading to further confusion and distress. My three year old is further pushed out as I drop him off and take his sister away. That’s in absolutely no one’s best interests. And you do know this.

Well it’s definitely not in your best interests - that’s clear.

If she forgets the staff then there is no confusion in September. If she remembers them then there’s no distress. You really don’t know how any of it would actually pan out. If you were genuinely concerned about that for your 3yo you could just keep him
off as well.

Just accept that this is all about putting yourself first. You want to do this. And you wanted loads of people to validate your decision. Just own it.

Ha, I remember starting a similar thread back I the day. It was actually really useful in confirming my decision, as all the arguments against my decision seemed to be based on sentiment rather than personal experience or evidence.

Honestly it's fine, you don't need to convince yourself or have approval from strangers on the Internet. If you're seeking this then perhaps it's better to ask yourself if you're truly okay and happy with your decision?

Again - what then is the point of this thread when you've already decided? For validation of what you've already decided, clearly

Same here. What's the point of this thread?

I

I made the mistake of taking my then 1yo out for a few days in a similar situation. Poor kid was so confused and unsettled, and was too young for me to explain.

Wow, a few hours for two days a week for a few weeks in a year. Yes, OP, you sound have written a novel and sorted world peace in that time

Actually, that is completely incorrect. There is no good scientific evidence of this.

Having a secure attachment to ba primary caregiver is essential. However, that does not mean that a child needs to be with the caregiver 24/7.

It’s not what I’d do, especially for a 1 year old, but whatever works for you. You seem quite sure of what you want to do, so not sure why you started the thread.

It really wouldn't be more selfish to keep your baby at home with you 😂. But it is your choice. Own your choice.

But I’ll also be taking some time to myself, never fear.
That was clear.

Yeah I think youre pretty selfish to be honest. A 12 month old in nursery unnecessarily while you ‘sort your house out’ for three days a week? Really? Just how dirty are you as a family that it takes a solid three days of sorting every week? Nursery for a 12 month old has no benefit for them.

I wouldn't have done this but I only had one dd so that is a big difference!

I think it's fine to give yourself chance to catch up.

I would also persevere with the settling in now you’ve started.

So I was talking about my older child in a holiday camp but both mine started nursery at around 13/14 months. Both did 3 days.

Makes no odds why your child is there as to how they settle or how much they enjoy it.

I agree it’s optimal for a child to stay home with their Mum or primary care giver until they’re 2-2.5, but there’s no denial it’s suboptimal for their Mum/primary care-giver to be burnt out and unhappy. If sometime in nursery means you’re a better, more mentally well parent then that’s absolutely right for your family.

I think you're doing the right thing - it's not like they're doing 8-6 every day and keeping them in the routine is really important.
When mine were small I did the same, in for two days when we were at home, unless there was a reason not to be. They actually liked it, to the extent that once they were in school they would sometimes be given the choice in the holidays, stay at home or go to daycamps and chose to go to daycamps! (They were never made to go.) Now at 16 my eldest is volunteering at daycamps in the hope that next year she can get a job there!

I’m a teacher and my 6yo will be going to a holiday club 1/2 days a week for the next 3 weeks and 3yo will be going to nursery on the same days. It will allow me to finish some decorating at home and also do some school work/go in for results days. I could do those things with the 6yo around but it would be very boring for her! DDs have always been term time only at nursery and the nursery advice was to keep sending them for a few days in the summer hols to keep the routine. We go a bit later than normal and I often pick up earlier too but it has helped to keep them settled. My 3yo hates going and cries going in every day but once in, she settles within a few minutes and enjoys it. I feel guilty going home when I’m off but she needs to go when I’m at work so I think bringing her back home again would just make things worse in September! Enjoy the time to yourself op, sometimes it’s for everyone’s benefit.

If it's the child's usual routine, then do it for the first week or two, give your self some chance to catch-up with chores and have some down time for yourself.

Then look at reducing it down to 1 or 2 days a week for a few weeks and enjoy days with your child.

I was a SAHM for a few years, but I used to put my son into a setting once a week during the summer if there was places. He enjoyed it and it gave me a break.

From someone who was either working or with one or both children for 6.5 years I can say it's very possible to burn out. If childcare set up allows for non working days without the DC then absolutely take it. Not only will the DC get a parent who is less likely to be teetering on the brink but household tasks and chores can be completed more efficiently leaving a more present parent when the DC are around.