AIBU to choose holidays / activities / future savings over a bigger house?

Yes, you need a discussion about this before making any plans.

In the event of death or divorce, being a spouse means you're in a good position to assert a claim. But he could eg sign up to equity release without you knowing. It is possible to register your marital home rights with the Land Registry if you're in England and Wales, but it sounds like you probably haven't done that either. Or there's the care issue, as another poster pointed out. Fine as long as you stay in the house, but more complex if you wanted to move. There are complications that could happen even in an ongoing marriage while both spouses are alive.

We were in a very similar position and decided to stay put, preferring to have a nicer day to day lifestyle than a big house/fancy holidays etc.

What I think made the difference to us is that we live in a nice area, small rural market town with lots of outside space, countryside on the doorstep, parks etc.

We have an attic conversion which has freed a room upstairs and has been variously used as a study, playroom and teen sitting room over the years. You may also want to think about working form home, whether that's practical from your place and how important that may or may not be to you.

Agreed. If DH wants you to treat the place as your own, step 1 is to sort out the legalities. Think about what you want to happen if either or both of you die or you divorce.

Step 2 is then to fix the "very old crumbling kitchen; cracked plastering; carpets that need replacing". Sort it all out.

Then you're in a position to judge whether you made it nicer enough to want to stay, but if you decide to sell you've increased its value.

Well I'm just picking up on the fact that the OP has to sit on the floor if they have another couple over as space is tight so I think it would be unrealistic to think kids parties and lots of socialising will be happening at home if they stay put.

OP isn’t homeless….she can do all those things in a 2 bed home…..it doesn’t need to be any bigger

We really wanted a bigger house and the whole selling and moving process was so stressful. If your heart isn't in it yet, I wouldn't.

We had a similar issue where an extra 100k would maybe get us 3 double rooms instead of a box room and maybe a utility which didn't feel like an appreciable size increase. We ended up moving 30 minutes away.

BTW marriage does revoke a will, unless he's written it in expectation of your marriage www.thegazette.co.uk/all-notices/content/103393

I just bought/sold last month and trust me when I say the upheaval and stress of moving must be worth it in every respect. It doesn't sound like the benefits are going to be worth it for your family, so why do it at all?

Work towards a minimalist approach to life and create lovely memories with your family. Enjoy what you have.

I think it's a balance. I love holidays and I remember some amazing ones from when we were kids but I also remember hanging out with my friends at home, making dens, creating a slip and slide in our garden, birthday parties at home with bouncy castles, wild parties as teenagers and as young adults. It's not just holidays kids will remember.

Live for now. You don't know what the future will hold.

I'm doing similar. Prioritising activities and holidays over sensible stuff! Lockdowns taught me to have this attitude. Although I do still put by some savings for emergencies.

If I was to decide to buy somewhere else in the future, it would most likely be a downsize and I'd have the collateral of my current house plus any savings so I'd anticipate any mortgage to be minimal (or non-existent).

I think you need to consider what happens if you divorce. The house is legally his, as it was an asset prior to marriage. Savings and pensions you can prove were obtained before marriage are also legally yours, but if you have savings accounts that money has gone into and out of since it's a much harder thing to prove.

Obviously no one goes into a marriage assuming they will split but it's important to consider.

If you did move house what would your oh want to do in terms of ownership?

I wouldn't move yet as this soon into having a baby is a bad time to make big decisions.

Holidays are what your kids remember when they are adults ….my AC now prioritise holidays ( they’ve all bought smaller…..but lovely homes with 15 year mortgages that will be paid off before they are 40) …..and my GC have been to some amazing countries ( last year they went Australia for 6 weeks) ……and you know what your 3 year old kid will have in a few years …..an iPad and a bike….that’s it

Just as a perspective I LOVED my box room. I had a cabin bed so had room under it but could still sit up fully in bed. It always felt nice, cosy, and relaxing.
If I had sleepovers we would be in the living room which felt like such a treat. Even friends with big enough bedrooms preferred to do sleepovers in the living room.

When I read your OP, I thought it’s a no brainer, stay put. I can picture your house in my mind as I grew up in similar home and it was fine.

But then with subsequent updates I started to change my mind. Schools being one big issue. Also the fact you’re quite a sociable family. My parents weren’t sociable! But if you like having people round then sitting on a bean bag isn’t ideal.

If it were me, I think I would wait a while but put away the money you’d be spending on a mortgage into savings. It will show you what life would be like on that income and give you more of an idea of how doable it is. Then you have savings to either go towards a new home or spend as you wish, depending what you decide.

It's not just about disposable income - it's about financial security.

Think about your and your Dh's job security and earning potential. Eg if your dh was made redundant, how easy would it be for him to find another job on equivalent pay? The job market for over 50s can be tricky. Ageism is rife.

If you're confident you'll still be able to pay off the mortgage and build savings (eg for your dds higher education), pensions etc within the next ten years, even if you move then it's worth thinking about.

Otherwise it's a potentially significant risk..

This isn't really about holidays, it's more important than that.

There's no hurry to move but I think at some point you will want to. Kids, especially teenagers want space away from their parents and vice versa.

In your shoes I would prioritise saving towards a potential move, and make sure your current house is in a sellable condition.

Is he 10 years off state retirement age or 10 years off early retirement? That for me would make a big difference in what I'd do. If he's 10 years off early retirement I'd probably choose to work for a few years longer to get the bigger place (depending on how well you can afford mortgage repayments just across the 10 years). If he's 10 years off state retirement and you'll struggle to pay off the mortgage payments I'd probably stay put.

We brought up 2 kids in a terraced house, 3 up, 3 down, as you describe. Worked fine and we and the kids have made what look like being lifelong friends and/or business relationships. A semi in Carshalton would not have been the same.

I'd move in a heartbeat unlike some of the other posters here. Obviously people have families in much smaller homes but if you have the ability to move I wouldn't think twice. I think I can picture the type of home you have. I'm thinking terrace house where you walk into the lounge, go through into the dining room with a galley kitchen at the back and a decent size master bedroom upstairs, box room and a bathroom. You said the garden is small as well.

It sounds similar to my first home and my friends first homes. We've all moved on since having kids because space would have been a huge issue in those homes. Kids really do accumulate a lot of crap. I'm looking at my nearly 3 year old who has set up his brio train set in the lounge, a little table with colouring books on it, mini trampoline, reading books and toy cars everywhere. Go through to the hallway and we have the pram, the scooter, the trike, the balance bike ... It all creates a lot of clutter and we have a larger home these days.

Holidays are lovely but there's no way I'd sacrifice my space or my sanity for 90% of the year for them.

you also need to consider care costs moving forward if your DH is a lot older….he’s probably thinking along the lines of if I die you will get it all…..but it’s not like that with care costs….the house will be sold and if it’s in his name you could be in trouble…..you need to think all this thru OP ….I don’t think moving home is your biggest priority at the moment

Give it a few more years and all the big stuff will be gone ( prams, high chairs, big pink plastic barbie houses, bouncer chairs, play pens)….it will be an iPad….toys that can fit in boxes under the bed and a bike….stay put OP

I think good idea to park the issue for now. You can do the place up a bit and add value that way as well as making it a nicer space for you. Perhaps a loft conversion might be an option at some point, if you want more storage.

Do you jointly own the home now? If you don't, I'd get that sorted out.

Thanks OP for providing an update. Glad that you found the comments thoughtful.

I have 2 just adults children still at home and 9 years ago, I bought a big 2 bed end terrace with 2 receptions .

We converted the 2nd reception to a bedroom and have been very happy here .

I could have upgraded 4 or so years ago to a 3 bed semi with a drive but didn't want to borrow another 150k for a bit more downstairs space and not having to walk to the car .

As it is I m hoping to clear the mortgage by 55 and I go on 3 holidays a year .