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Original poster

Boyfriend smokes in the house and gets angry when I ask him not to.

194 replies

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:01

A little bit of background I live with my boyfriend who owns the house we live in. I do not own the house but I do pay rent.
today like many other times I’ve come home from work & the house stinks of smoke. I’ve bought all of the soft furnishings (rugs, cushions etc) and the landing/upstairs is fully carpeted. Today I said very politely that it smells of smoke and he has hit the roof and told me I have to move out. He said it’s his house he can do what he wants. I just feel so sad. I feel like I’m not allowed to say anything. My clothes smell of smoke, my hair, everything.
it’s worth noting that we have a lovely garden that he can smoke in so it’s not like he has nowhere to do it.
it may be worth pointing out that he smokes 🍃 so I think this has an impact on his mood& temper.
i don’t think he will ever quite even though he’s promised me that he will.

OP posts:
gentlemum · 26/07/2024 14:21

I think it all depends on if he was a smoker when you moved in. If so then you are being unreasonable as you knew he smoked and if you moved into his house he can do what he wants. If he wasn't a smoker and has since started then that is gross and selfish, however, it's still his house so difficult for you to complain.

I hate smoking and wouldn't move in with a smoker, but if you do then I think you have to accept it. If you can't then you aren't really compatible. Don't trust that he will quit or wait for that, he won't.

Original poster
Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:20

FleetwoodCam · 26/07/2024 14:03

It's his house, presumably he did this before you moved in and you have no reason to think he will stop? Move out of put up with it are your only options.

Hes always smoked but we have lived together for many years and rented. It’s only now since buying a house that he’s started smoking indoors. When he’s in a good mood he tells me he understands my concerns & smokes outside which makes me feel better but it will slowly creep back in.

OP posts:
5128gap · 26/07/2024 14:20

The smoking aside, no one would tell me to move out and find me still there in the morning. You are paying rent and this is supposed to be your home, yet he makes it smelly and uncomfortable, taints your belongings and weilds power over you by telling you to leave on his whim. Move out OP and live in comfort and security without this selfish controlling and moody individual.

SallyWD · 26/07/2024 14:13

Move out. He wants to smoke in his own house. This isn't unreasonable but at the same time he doesn't care about your feelings. You don't want to stink of smoke, understandably.

ActualChips · 26/07/2024 14:11

I think a lot of people will miss the fact that it's weed he's smoking.

Never date a drug user. Never be dependent on a boyfriend to house you.

Cantfindthewordsddstruggling · 26/07/2024 14:11

Radiatorvalves · 26/07/2024 14:08

Move out. You won’t change him. Take your stuff and get it cleaned.

You don’t ever fully get rid of the smell of smoke from upholstery. I’d just cut my loses and move on

CleanShirt · 26/07/2024 14:09

The hills are that way ➡➡

Shinyandnew1 · 26/07/2024 14:09

It’s his house, he can do whatever bring habits he wants to, but you can choose to leave.

Radiatorvalves · 26/07/2024 14:08

Move out. You won’t change him. Take your stuff and get it cleaned.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 26/07/2024 14:08

Gross. Run!

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 26/07/2024 14:08

Is this what you want your life to look like? A pot head who communicates through drug fuelled anger?

Ponderingwindow · 26/07/2024 14:08

Ovary up and move out

Bearpawk · 26/07/2024 14:07

It's his house but smoking inside is gross and he obviously doesn't give a fuck about you, I'd be moving out.

SeeSeeRider · 26/07/2024 14:07

Move out, he won't change, and he'll be more annoying when he starts coughing and wheezing. Don't have any kids with this one, for God's sake! And in future you'll know better than to date or shack up with a smoker.

HappyVegemite · 26/07/2024 14:07

You aren’t compatible.
It is his house, you moved in knowing that this is who he is. You don’t get to unilaterally decide he has to change the way he has always behaved in his own house. Take your things and move out.

For what it’s worth, I couldn’t live like this either. Smoking in general is off putting to me, smoking inside is disgusting and incredibly selfish…. But this is who he is. Take it or leave it.

thaisweetchill · 26/07/2024 14:06

Move out and get rid.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/07/2024 14:05

Not worth bothering with. Him, I mean.

It is his house, but telling you to get out means it's effectively over, anyhow, as he'll do that whenever you displease him.

redskydarknight · 26/07/2024 14:04

Just move out.

FleetwoodCam · 26/07/2024 14:03

It's his house, presumably he did this before you moved in and you have no reason to think he will stop? Move out of put up with it are your only options.

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