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Boyfriend smokes in the house and gets angry when I ask him not to.

194 replies

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:01

A little bit of background I live with my boyfriend who owns the house we live in. I do not own the house but I do pay rent.
today like many other times I’ve come home from work & the house stinks of smoke. I’ve bought all of the soft furnishings (rugs, cushions etc) and the landing/upstairs is fully carpeted. Today I said very politely that it smells of smoke and he has hit the roof and told me I have to move out. He said it’s his house he can do what he wants. I just feel so sad. I feel like I’m not allowed to say anything. My clothes smell of smoke, my hair, everything.
it’s worth noting that we have a lovely garden that he can smoke in so it’s not like he has nowhere to do it.
it may be worth pointing out that he smokes 🍃 so I think this has an impact on his mood& temper.
i don’t think he will ever quite even though he’s promised me that he will.

OP posts:
Ghost2 · 26/07/2024 15:39

His house, he can do as he pleases in it. Sounds like you aren't suitable together

EnglishBluebell · 26/07/2024 15:30

He's a drug addict, yuck.
OP please call women's aid, they can provide you with somewhere to stay

TheSerenePinkOrca · 26/07/2024 15:28

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:20

Hes always smoked but we have lived together for many years and rented. It’s only now since buying a house that he’s started smoking indoors. When he’s in a good mood he tells me he understands my concerns & smokes outside which makes me feel better but it will slowly creep back in.

When he's in a good mood?

Did anyone ever tell you that life is FAR too short for boyfriends like this?!?!

Seriously, take his advice and move out!

rosiers · 26/07/2024 15:26

@Bluebirdover

How many posts have I done here?
3
*
Please, please keep count for me, won't you!*
I don't need to, the app does that.
*
Then say they are all wrong, but then say you've not read them?*
I never said your posts were wrong or that I didn't read them, I'm not sure where you've pulled that from. I said you were goady and condescending and that still stands.
*
And inflicting your sticky weed on neighbours doesn't make them "nosey", does it?*
I personally don't give a shit what my neighbours smoke in their homes or gardens, I don't tend to interfere.

GoldenLegend · 26/07/2024 15:25

Move out and dump him. I would consider someone smoking in my living environment to be abusive, doesn’t matter if he owns it.

Pikapikapikachu11 · 26/07/2024 15:17

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:23

I agree with you totally however I’m very far away from family and friends and don’t have the means to move out on my own. He knows that I’m quite isolated and always threatens to kick me out when we have rows. It’s making me feel really low and alone.

He is abusive, isolated you then threatens to make you homeless, whilst slowly killing you with 2nd gand smoke and ruining things you bought to make place nicer

Vettrianofan · 26/07/2024 15:13

Date a non smoker next time. Move out and move on up.

Bluebirdover · 26/07/2024 15:11

*stinky

Didimum · 26/07/2024 15:10

Gross behaviour, habits and respect for you. Leave.

Bluebirdover · 26/07/2024 15:10

rosiers · 26/07/2024 14:59

@Bluebirdover well well well, we meet again 😂

How many posts have I done here?

Please, please keep count for me, won't you!

Then say they are all wrong, but then say you've not read them?

And inflicting your sticky weed on neighbours doesn't make them "nosey", does it?

StormingNorman · 26/07/2024 15:08

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:50

I think that’s part of the reason but there are times that he will smoke outside so they will be able to smell it anyway. I get upset because I wonder why he is more concerned about displeasing the neighbours over displeasing me x

He wants to be seen to be a good person. Cunts often do.

Mymanyellow · 26/07/2024 15:03

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:26

I have learned to accept the fact that he smokes weed and I accept that he most likely always will which is a shame but it’s just something I’ve learned to put up with. I just don’t like the fact that the house smells of smoking when he is quite capable of going outside.

You don’t have to put up with anything if you don’t want to. You can break up with him.

TeaMistress · 26/07/2024 15:00

He sounds controlling and abusive. He's a drug addict and is emotionally and financially abusing you. You have been isolated from your friends and family. He threatens to kick you out. I would be moving out as soon as you can manage it. He's bought a house and obviously just wants to use you to pay his mortgage. Cut your losses OP. Can friends or family offer you a roof over your head until you get sorted with somewhere else to live. Can you get yourself out safely.

rosiers · 26/07/2024 14:59

@Bluebirdover well well well, we meet again 😂

Irridescantshimmmer · 26/07/2024 14:57

Tell him you will not move out until he has paid you back in full for the carpet and soft furnishings.

If up-in-smoke carries on whinging, tell him to shut his smoke hole and cough up the money he owes you so you can move on.

Bluebirdover · 26/07/2024 14:54

rosiers · 26/07/2024 14:48

Is he concerned about neighbours smelling his weed and that's why he prefers to smoke inside? My friend's partner smokes weed in their conservatory because of nosey neighbours.

When you say nosey neighbours, do you mean people complaining about the stink? Hardly nosey neighbours.

OP, the mood swings are the reason to leave him,

Angelsrose · 26/07/2024 14:53

YABU if you stay with this loser. Please rent somewhere else. Good luck.

pikkumyy77 · 26/07/2024 14:51

If you are paying him rent you should just move out and take shared lodging elsewhere. Sell all the soft furnishings and rip up the carpet when you go.

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:50

rosiers · 26/07/2024 14:48

Is he concerned about neighbours smelling his weed and that's why he prefers to smoke inside? My friend's partner smokes weed in their conservatory because of nosey neighbours.

I think that’s part of the reason but there are times that he will smoke outside so they will be able to smell it anyway. I get upset because I wonder why he is more concerned about displeasing the neighbours over displeasing me x

OP posts:
redskydarknight · 26/07/2024 14:50

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:23

I agree with you totally however I’m very far away from family and friends and don’t have the means to move out on my own. He knows that I’m quite isolated and always threatens to kick me out when we have rows. It’s making me feel really low and alone.

Spareroom. Find a house share..

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:48

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/07/2024 14:47

He's where he wants to be, you're miles from supports. He owns the place you live, you rent from him. He does what he likes, you can't have the home you want. He treats you like crap, you try to be nice.

It's all unbalanced. And he's happy with it like that. Save up, move out.

I agree with you profusely x

OP posts:
Anon4once · 26/07/2024 14:48

He made his decision. Now you need to make yours based on that. Xx

Tagyoureit · 26/07/2024 14:48

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:23

I agree with you totally however I’m very far away from family and friends and don’t have the means to move out on my own. He knows that I’m quite isolated and always threatens to kick me out when we have rows. It’s making me feel really low and alone.

Get on the phone to a trusted member of your family and tell them you need to leave and can they help you, could your parents put you up?
Can you transfer your job or work remotely or just leave it? Your safety and well being are more important than a job.

rosiers · 26/07/2024 14:48

Is he concerned about neighbours smelling his weed and that's why he prefers to smoke inside? My friend's partner smokes weed in their conservatory because of nosey neighbours.

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:47

Paulettamcgee · 26/07/2024 14:44

I'm sorry you are going through this.

One thing is clear, your post has absolutely nothing to do about smoking. He could give up tomorrow and the fundamental issue of how your boyfriend views you will remain.

I hope you are able to consider all of your options.

Thank you- I agree.
The smoking indoors is just the tip of the iceberg ❤️

OP posts:
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