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Original poster

Boyfriend smokes in the house and gets angry when I ask him not to.

194 replies

Lollen · 26/07/2024 14:01

A little bit of background I live with my boyfriend who owns the house we live in. I do not own the house but I do pay rent.
today like many other times I’ve come home from work & the house stinks of smoke. I’ve bought all of the soft furnishings (rugs, cushions etc) and the landing/upstairs is fully carpeted. Today I said very politely that it smells of smoke and he has hit the roof and told me I have to move out. He said it’s his house he can do what he wants. I just feel so sad. I feel like I’m not allowed to say anything. My clothes smell of smoke, my hair, everything.
it’s worth noting that we have a lovely garden that he can smoke in so it’s not like he has nowhere to do it.
it may be worth pointing out that he smokes 🍃 so I think this has an impact on his mood& temper.
i don’t think he will ever quite even though he’s promised me that he will.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 26/07/2024 16:42

Can’t you see how vicious this man is? He.threatens.to.kick.you.out.

Original poster
Lollen · 26/07/2024 16:39

Hateam · 26/07/2024 16:16

How has he isolated her and made her dependent on him? I don't see any post form the OP that points that way.

Show quote history

I have moved my life to be here with him. We were renting then he decided he wanted to buy a house and I was not financially ready so he went ahead and bought it. My family and friends are far away so I don’t have a support system all I have is him. My job is here too which I’m doing well in.
every time we argue he threatens to kick me out.

OP posts:
DontKeepScratchingIt · 26/07/2024 16:39

SeeSeeRider · 26/07/2024 14:07

Move out, he won't change, and he'll be more annoying when he starts coughing and wheezing. Don't have any kids with this one, for God's sake! And in future you'll know better than to date or shack up with a smoker.

this

Hateam · 26/07/2024 16:38

PassingStranger · 26/07/2024 16:35

Couldn't stand it.
Your right everything must stink. Hair, clothes, furniture. Why does he want to smell like that?
Not healthy or nice.
He should go.outside or give up.

Or she could leave.

PassingStranger · 26/07/2024 16:35

Couldn't stand it.
Your right everything must stink. Hair, clothes, furniture. Why does he want to smell like that?
Not healthy or nice.
He should go.outside or give up.

BlackShuck3 · 26/07/2024 16:30

It's his house, if you dont like it move out. Why would you want to live with someone who cant keep his temper?

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/07/2024 16:28

You can’t change what he does in his own home and also anyone who smokes inside doesn’t give a fuck about the other people who live with them.

Move out and bin him.

HR313 · 26/07/2024 16:23

He sounds grim - so is the smoking. You deserve better.

Hateam · 26/07/2024 16:16

AquaFurball · 26/07/2024 14:35

You've moved in with an abuser, he's isolated you, made you dependent on him and threatens to make you homeless.

At the very least stop paying rent, save what you can and get out. Shelter or Women's Aid may be able to provide advice and support.

Show quote history

How has he isolated her and made her dependent on him? I don't see any post form the OP that points that way.

TheSerenePinkOrca · 26/07/2024 16:13

Lollen · 26/07/2024 15:58

He smokes at least 6 joints per day. If he hasn’t had a smoke he becomes agitated and angry. Apologies, didn’t mean to offend, I know lots of people who smoke too and are lovely people. i dont know anyone who smokes to the extent that he does hence why i think its caused some kind of imbalance in his brain. It’s sad really because he used to be a lovely person.

Show quote history

joints?!?! Moody? And now the pattern fits...

There is no point having a relationship with someone like this. Don't waste your life.

pikkumyy77 · 26/07/2024 16:11

Pikapikapikachu11 · 26/07/2024 15:17

He is abusive, isolated you then threatens to make you homeless, whilst slowly killing you with 2nd gand smoke and ruining things you bought to make place nicer

Show quote history

This 100 percent.

gamerchick · 26/07/2024 16:07

It's his house sadly. If he wants to inflict his horrible habit on everyone else, he can sadly.

I'd get my own place or a room for now and take what you're bought with you and give them a febreeze.

OldTinHat · 26/07/2024 16:05

I absolutely couldn't live like that. As it's his house, I'd pack up and leave.

ns87 · 26/07/2024 16:03

Sounds awful, move out and take what you paid for with you!

Original poster
Lollen · 26/07/2024 15:59

Candlelights1 · 26/07/2024 15:58

You are being abused by him.
Look for a room and move out. Screw him for the rent, leave him owing if necessary to get out.
Ring the police if he gets aggressive.
Contact family and tell them what's going on.
See if they are old friends know of a room.
He has you exactly where he wants you.
Please call Womens aid for support.

thank you i appreciate this. I think you’re right ❤️

OP posts:
Violettateal · 26/07/2024 15:59

Ltb

Original poster
Lollen · 26/07/2024 15:58

suburberphobe · 26/07/2024 15:53

it may be worth pointing out that he smokes 🍃 so I think this has an impact on his mood& temper.

No. It's his personality. I know lots of people who partake of the occasional joint, me included. We don't act like that, no.

He smokes at least 6 joints per day. If he hasn’t had a smoke he becomes agitated and angry. Apologies, didn’t mean to offend, I know lots of people who smoke too and are lovely people. i dont know anyone who smokes to the extent that he does hence why i think its caused some kind of imbalance in his brain. It’s sad really because he used to be a lovely person.

OP posts:
Candlelights1 · 26/07/2024 15:58

You are being abused by him.
Look for a room and move out. Screw him for the rent, leave him owing if necessary to get out.
Ring the police if he gets aggressive.
Contact family and tell them what's going on.
See if they are old friends know of a room.
He has you exactly where he wants you.
Please call Womens aid for support.

Original poster
Lollen · 26/07/2024 15:55

BMW6 · 26/07/2024 15:50

Well as it is his own home (but why you didn't buy it jointly with him is another matter) I can't see that you can call the shots.

He should reimburse you for the stuff you bought for his house so you can move out.

I don't think your relationship should continue under the circumstances. You're not in tandem with each other.

The plan was once I had the money I would be put onto the mortgage. I was told this would be my ‘home’ too.

OP posts:
suburberphobe · 26/07/2024 15:53

it may be worth pointing out that he smokes 🍃 so I think this has an impact on his mood& temper.

No. It's his personality. I know lots of people who partake of the occasional joint, me included. We don't act like that, no.

BMW6 · 26/07/2024 15:50

Well as it is his own home (but why you didn't buy it jointly with him is another matter) I can't see that you can call the shots.

He should reimburse you for the stuff you bought for his house so you can move out.

I don't think your relationship should continue under the circumstances. You're not in tandem with each other.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 26/07/2024 15:49

Why are you in a relationship with a smoker?

He must be an idiot to smoke when he knows it will kill him.

Just get rid.

dbeuowlxb173939 · 26/07/2024 15:43

Move out, there's no future in this relationship. He thinks smoking is more important than you are!

davegrohhl · 26/07/2024 15:42

The smoking indoors is horrible, as you know. Someone else said loads of people smoke, but not in their homes ! This isn't the 70's anymore, it's rank to smoke indoors.
He sounds like a twat full stop, threatening to kick you out is control. Can you possibly get a loan for a deposit on your own place ?

Bringbackspring · 26/07/2024 15:39

I was going to say it's his house and presumably you knew he smoked when you moved in, so it's your issue and you'll need to move out. But seeing your updates, it's clear that smoking inside is a recent thing and not something you would have been aware was going to start happening. It's also pretty awful that he now owns a house (strengthening his position) while you are now in a far more precarious position than when you were renting as joint tenants. He uses this against you and threatens you with being kicked out whenever he is unhappy.

If I were you I would remove his power over you and decide yourself to move out under your own terms. He's very quickly shown you what sort of person he is and he won't improve. I once lived in a BFs flat and not once did he ever tell me to move out if we disagreed on anything. People stay in relationships under the hope that things will get better, but that hope is rarely realised. Leave while it is technically quite easy to do as you are not married, do not co-own property and don't have children. Once any of the above happen, splitting up is so much harder.

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