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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like "I hope this email finds you well" (or similar) as a professional greeting?

107 replies

WindsurfingDreams · 26/07/2024 13:07

It just sets my teeth on edge. I know the person sending it probably means well, and I am not entirely sure why it annoys me to be honest so I may well be being unreasonable.

I suspect it's partly because I am chronically ill so can't remember the last time I was "well".

But partly it just feels so unnecessary and not particularly professional (particularly when sent outside the organisation).

Anyway, I am partly hoping this thread will give me another perspective so I feel less irritated when I see it Grin

Ps yes I know it is totally trivial etc etc. I don't spend hours dwelling on it!

OP posts:
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Oblomov24 · 26/07/2024 18:59

I don't like it either. Find it cringey.

HotCrossBunplease · 26/07/2024 18:23

HelpMeGetThrough · 26/07/2024 17:34

The one the hacks me off is when you get an email forward to you with...

FYI

I just leant to respond ODFO!

But that has a very specific meaning- it means “letting you know about this but no action is required”. If it is being sent with any other intent then the sender is misusing FYI.

alwaysmovingforwards · 26/07/2024 18:18

thebrollachan · 26/07/2024 17:48

I like to open with 'I hope that this missive finds you as well as it leaves me', and close with 'I remain, your obedient servant, the brollachan'.

If I ever win the lotto, this will be my resignation auto reply 😂😂

Wizardcalledoz · 26/07/2024 18:03

As someone with a chronic condition, YABU. If we start avoiding everything that will annoy/grate/trigger someone else, then we'll have very little we're able to say at all.

TheRakesTale · 26/07/2024 18:01

WindsurfingDreams · 26/07/2024 16:45

I'm not disputing the need for a bit of padding, just the particular choice to refer to health when choosing how to soften the tone.

Show quote history

I understand it can grate, particularly in your circumstance. However, I think i trust/hope this finds you well is a semi-formal opening phrase, which in itself is somewhat meaningless, but accepted as an introduction to the nub of the message.
Many phrases in the workplace will send you to screaming point, particularly in meetings. Grit you eyes and roll your teeth. Rant here!

thebrollachan · 26/07/2024 17:48

I like to open with 'I hope that this missive finds you as well as it leaves me', and close with 'I remain, your obedient servant, the brollachan'.

HelpMeGetThrough · 26/07/2024 17:35

I just leant to respond ODFO!

Not learnt, want!!!

I would like to keep my job.

HelpMeGetThrough · 26/07/2024 17:34

The one the hacks me off is when you get an email forward to you with...

FYI

I just leant to respond ODFO!

AgnesX · 26/07/2024 17:14

It's just a generic, if old school, introduction. Not aimed at anyone's state of health or mind in particular, and usually precedes the sender requesting something.....

I can find many more annoying things to be annoyed at (and do).

Redlettuce · 26/07/2024 17:09

I think judging people for their "tone" can be unintended ageism with some sexism thrown in.

I was out of the workplace for many years and after I returned found it a minefield.

Younger people get offended by a thumbs up, offended by "hope you're well" and yet if I just launch into an email I'm too abrupt.

I've noticed that men seem to be very abrupt and rude in emails (especially if senior) and that's fine.

Pennyandolive · 26/07/2024 17:04

But being well isn’t just a physical health thing. It’s an encompassing of many things. Being well isn’t just about your physical body. I suffer with a chronic condition also and am often really unwell physically but there are other aspects of my life that mean I am often well even when my body isn’t.

emscot · 26/07/2024 17:00

If I haven't been in touch with someone for a while then I'll start my email similar to that- like Hi hope all is good with you. I think it's because if it was a phone call you'd start by saying Hi, how are you rather than just jumping in with the reason for your call straightaway. Hadn't realised that some people find it annoying 🙄

Original poster
WindsurfingDreams · 26/07/2024 16:59

florizel13 · 26/07/2024 16:54

We have a standard letter at work that says that, for when a patient is overdue a blood test and needs to have one in order for their medication to continue to be prescribed. (Safety reasons). We work with chronic conditions. It is a bit of a nicety because we don't want to nag people! It's interesting seeing it from your point of view, as someone who suffers from a chronic condition. I guess it could be seen as tactless! Especially if your condition is active!

I don't think I would mind it at all coming from medical staff who were treating my condition, that's entirely different.

It just feels somewhat odd when it's from an external professional who is about to (for instance) negotiate a contract with me.

OP posts:
florizel13 · 26/07/2024 16:54

We have a standard letter at work that says that, for when a patient is overdue a blood test and needs to have one in order for their medication to continue to be prescribed. (Safety reasons). We work with chronic conditions. It is a bit of a nicety because we don't want to nag people! It's interesting seeing it from your point of view, as someone who suffers from a chronic condition. I guess it could be seen as tactless! Especially if your condition is active!

heinzseight · 26/07/2024 16:53

It's definitely an addition since covid, but mostly I just say hope you're well rather than anything formal.

Original poster
WindsurfingDreams · 26/07/2024 16:45

AyrshireTryer · 26/07/2024 16:38

Sometimes - 'Right mucka here's some more work' doesn't set the tone.

I'm not disputing the need for a bit of padding, just the particular choice to refer to health when choosing how to soften the tone.

OP posts:
TheRakesTale · 26/07/2024 16:43

Shaketherombooga · 26/07/2024 13:23

Agreed, I just start all emails with ‘ skibidy bruh, here’s what I need’

cuts the crap. Who need to start anything with a hi, how’s it going? Slows it down.
boom

There was a thread a few days ago bemoaning the lack of civility from senior managers in their emails
The joys of electronic communication; no etiquette known for its use. Someone needs to write and international template!

Original poster
WindsurfingDreams · 26/07/2024 16:41

InSpainTheRain · 26/07/2024 16:36

I think you're being a bit unreasonable, i get that it grates on your due to health issues, but it's someone just being polite. We all "pad" sentences for politeness otherwise any request comes across as really rude. Phrases like "I'd be grateful if you could..." "Please could you assist by...." are the same thing as "I hope you're well" or whatever. If someone just puts "WindsurfingDreams, update the spreadsheet as discussed and send back by Friday" you have cause for complaint.

But surely a hello, a please and perhaps a thank you are all that it takes to turn that email from blunt to professional yet polite? There's no need to bring someone's health etc into it

Eg.
Hello WindsurfingDreams, please could you update the spreadsheet as discussed and send back by Friday, thanks "

Or, slightly longer
"Hello WindsurfingDreams, just checking progress on this. Please could update the spreadsheet as discussed and send back by Friday. Do let me know if any questions , many thanks"

A bit of padding but nothing personal

Entirely different if you are close colleagues but then there's normally something less trite you can say anyway

OP posts:
AyrshireTryer · 26/07/2024 16:38

Sometimes - 'Right mucka here's some more work' doesn't set the tone.

Original poster
WindsurfingDreams · 26/07/2024 16:37

HotCrossBunplease · 26/07/2024 16:20

I’m glad you said this, I was about to say the same thing. I don’t see a close relationship, or even any sort of acquaintance, as a pre-requisite for hoping that someone is in good health.

@OP sorry to hear about your health struggles.

I have a question though- if a person hopes you are well, why was that the wrong thing for them to say/hope? Having that positive hope for someone is independent of their actual health. In fact, if I knew someone had been unwell that would be all the more reason to hope they were well. (Though of course I wouldn't say it unless I knew they were 100% better). Is it that you feel you are somehow disappointing them by not being well? Or is it that it seems glib and touches a nerve with you?

If it makes you feel any better, at least it’s not a broader “I hope all is well with you”, which then has the potential to land badly with anyone with any sort of troubles whatsoever, not just health ones.

I suppose, from a selfish perspective, it could mean “I hope you are in good enough health to work because I need something from you!”

My organisation (as international one, with UK head office) has started using a slight variation on this- communications to the whole company from senior management always begin
“We hope you are keeping well”. I’m not sure where that phraseology originated but I’ve found it fascinating to see that very junior new joiners pick it up and start to use it in their emails verbatim.

Edited
Show quote history

Exactly that, it's glib and superfluous and it just gives me a reminder that I am not well, when work is really my distraction from health issues.

I just think there are better, more professional ways to take the blunt edges off an email

OP posts:
G123456789 · 26/07/2024 16:36

I always started business emails with hi, as dear doesn't feel right, and if it was someone I hadn't had contact with for more than about 2 weeks always said someone like...trust you are well. I felt it blunt and rather rude to just jump in, you would never ring someone and not exchange pleasantries

InSpainTheRain · 26/07/2024 16:36

I think you're being a bit unreasonable, i get that it grates on your due to health issues, but it's someone just being polite. We all "pad" sentences for politeness otherwise any request comes across as really rude. Phrases like "I'd be grateful if you could..." "Please could you assist by...." are the same thing as "I hope you're well" or whatever. If someone just puts "WindsurfingDreams, update the spreadsheet as discussed and send back by Friday" you have cause for complaint.

zeibesaffron · 26/07/2024 16:33

I use it and genuinely hope people are ok. I work in the NHS and just like other professions people can feel isolated, pissed off, ill etc after another relentless day. I don’t find emails a good way of communicating as you can’t gauge tone etc so like to start off with something positive. Its how I would start a phone call too - Hi, how are you?

Tryingtokeepgoing · 26/07/2024 16:21

PinkTonic · 26/07/2024 15:28

In that situation I’d just say what I wanted but politely. Give context if I don’t really know them or deal with them regularly.

Show quote history

Yes, best to concisely and politely set out the reason for your email and what you'd like from them. Something like:

Dear Sue
cc everyone(and)theirdog

I am just reaching out to respectfually ask you to do the needful in updating the status of your deliverables on the attached. Nothing too granular - a helicopter view is all thats needed to make sure all our ducks are in a row. As you know, the SLT is very keen that we mobilise our resources to align internally. This project is a key plank in our strategic goal of Customer Obsession
Plesae revert to myself by COB EOW or ASAP
Kind regards
TTG FCA, BA(hons), Grade 7 piano, conversational French (Me/Mine)

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