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Original poster

To find it really, really hard how much screen my teen wants

109 replies

Guthealth · 26/07/2024 10:06

13, nearly 14, year old DS wants to get up, watch some TV/do some games. I then, by giving up my time and work manage to cajole him to do stuff - we've taken day trips, done sports, he's seen friends etc - but the moment he's back, he wants to hop onto his game device again. Then, we get him off, encourage him to do other things - read books, write, go to the park with friends, we've just started doing jigsaws as a family, and we never have any devices at dinner and we always eat together - but then he wants to round off EVERY evening by sitting in front of the TV and watching an hour or two of his favourite show. Often DH sits with him.

I realise writing it down it sounds like balance, but it's really really hard work achieving that and it's often not that balanced IMO. There are a lot of hours in a holiday day and I feel depressed by his draw to the screen. I know he's not alone.

But I don't know what else I can do. We already control his gaming time - 2.5/3 hours a day in the holiday (which apparently is waaaaaay lower than all his mates). I have a time limit on his phone. He never takes it into his room.

I just feel like I'm mega controlling and I hate that - but he is simply unable to self-regulate.

I also get its his holiday and this is the world he's in.

Sorry, I don't even know what the question is. I'm just venting as I already bore the hell out of DH with this stuff (who's on my page, just a bit more relaxed than me)

OP posts:
Prawncow · 26/07/2024 10:42

Were your parents very anti tv when you were a child?

KreedKafer · 26/07/2024 10:40

Guthealth · 26/07/2024 10:33

He's actually not gaming with mates at the moment. Hes on a game that they're not playing.

But I agree that I'm being uptight and I need to chill. I find it really hard around this topic

Is there a reason you find this topic particularly hard, though? It sounds like you're really anxious about it, more so than most parents of teenagers I think. Ultimately, your son is a teenager, and at this point he probably ought to be able to choose to spend his leisure time doing what he enjoys. I don't think you can really expect a teenager to spend their days doing family jigsaws and so on forever. It's pretty normal to relax with a TV show in the evenings and to play games. Gaming isn't a passive activity at all, and actually neither is most TV - unless he's watching eight hours of Love Island, when he's watching TV he's engaging with a story, or laughing, or learning.

Littlemisscapable · 26/07/2024 10:38

I know what you mean its really hard to get a balance isn't it ? Mine is the same. Once they get to this age they just don't play in the same way ..be it sports or family games etc. Think you have a pretty good balance just stick to that. I try to take mine out for a treat so they have some one to one time with me and they chat a bit more. They are pulling away from us and this is totally normal. But at the same time you have to have some limits and expectations. It's hard !

Original poster
Guthealth · 26/07/2024 10:33

He's actually not gaming with mates at the moment. Hes on a game that they're not playing.

But I agree that I'm being uptight and I need to chill. I find it really hard around this topic

OP posts:
Original poster
Guthealth · 26/07/2024 10:32

WineMakesTheWorldGoAround · 26/07/2024 10:17

I think for everyone's sanity you need to chill out a bit!
Is it really so terrible that he wants to finish his day with a few hours of his favourite show? What would you rather he do, a jigsaw? I can't think of anything more boring and I'm a fully functioning adult!
As long as they are getting plenty of fresh air and doing a hobby/sport I think you need to let go somewhat, at 14 most kids want to be using their tech.
It is a battle of your own making.

Well, he actually loves doing a jigsaw for a bit. I'm sorry that doesn't meet your standards as a fully fledged adult. Each to their own. We would probably find you quite boring - and definitely rude.

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 26/07/2024 10:31

I think Mumsnet has led parents to believe that 'screens' are basically akin to allowing your child to do crystal meth in the living room during breakfast. They're really not. Your child is 14, not 5.

Gaming is a pretty normal and perfectly valid hobby for a teenager and honestly, unless he's spending all night gaming neglecting everything else in his life, he's absolutely fine to spend his leisure time playing games and chatting to his mates.

Watching a couple of hours of TV in the evening is completely bloody normal! It's what most people do with their evenings, frankly. Most of us who grew up in the 80s and 90s did very little else.

bridgetreilly · 26/07/2024 10:19

I think that sounds fairly good, tbh. You can control when the internet is off if you’re worried, e.g. about all-night gaming. But I mostly think you can relax a bit.

WineMakesTheWorldGoAround · 26/07/2024 10:17

I think for everyone's sanity you need to chill out a bit!
Is it really so terrible that he wants to finish his day with a few hours of his favourite show? What would you rather he do, a jigsaw? I can't think of anything more boring and I'm a fully functioning adult!
As long as they are getting plenty of fresh air and doing a hobby/sport I think you need to let go somewhat, at 14 most kids want to be using their tech.
It is a battle of your own making.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/07/2024 10:17

He’s nearly 14. He’s trying to detach from his parents.

Mine was on games all the times in the holidays. He was playing his mates. At least l knew where he was.

He still evolved into a fully functioning adult and member of society.

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