Furious about mums reaction to my cats death

This.

You are way overreacting here.

What on earth did you expect her to say?

She expressed she was sad about the cats death. She asked how you were. She then follows up later expressing sadness. What is wrong with you? You text her…she replies expressing sadness and asks how you are.

Look at the behaviour, not the words. She is trying to communicate with you. She hasn’t ignored you or brushed off the event …and you’re still not happy.

If you want to cut off your mother because of past events, sure. But this is a complete overreaction because you’re upset by the loss of your pet

Unfortunately this, and another thing is you knew she wanted nothing to do with the cat and didn’t care so probably no point telling her the cat passed away x

I think some of your upset is over how she treated the cat in the past, which noone can change now.

It’s never a good idea to judge people’s feeling or intentions in a text conversation and it is often very hard to know what to write when someone is upset. I think you probably have other good reason to be upset with your mum and as you are upset now because of your cat, there’s a possibility you’re projecting emotion from one thing onto another.

I think some of your reaction here is caused by your upset. Nothing she wrote was really so bad, and I think you should wait and read it back when you are calmer.

Overreaction due to your sadness.

The issue is expecting anything else really.

You know what she’s like. You don’t have a good relationship - you just pretend to.

I’m sorry about your cat - it’s utterly heartbreaking to lose them.

You have two choices here, cut her off or ignore it. What I will say though is if you try and come at her with both barrels for this she is unlikely to understand and will absolutely make it all about herself. From what you've said about your childhood she is not someone who is very good at thinking of others.

To give a personal example by narcissistic father did this when our dog died, he always hated the dog and ignored her when he lived with us, fast forward 12 years and myself, and my mother + sister were heartbroken when she was put down. He sent repeated messages to me saying how upset he was, he couldn't think straight or eat properly. It was the most bizarre reaction and like you I was absolutely livid. I did try to mention to him how it wasn't about him but he ignored it and continued fake crying-so perhaps bare this in mind! Sorry to hear about your cat x

I'm really sorry about your cat OP. It's very hard losing a much loved pet.

Sounds to me as though your Mum's reaction is the straw that broke the camel 's back. That you have put up with so much from her and this is just too much.

Given what you have said I think cutting off contact with her would be perfectly reasonable. Put your own welfare first.

What did you want her to say? You probably needed to speak to her direct if you wanted more. I probably would have replied in a similar way to be honest. Im sorry about your cat though.

I'd leave it until you process the grief and then tell her she had no right to respond like that when she treated the cat like a nuisance after she got bored with him/her. I don't think you should cut her put of yours and your children's lives though.

The loss of a pet is heartbreaking, be glad you gave them the home they deserved.

All I can say is she isn’t going to change, I know you expected more from her and it probably hurts to hear this but I don’t know why you expected anything different from her given everything you’ve written in your OP.

Sorry for the loss of you cat x

😵‍💫

Cut her off.