Grandparent child care while parent is off sick

I don’t know anyone who would take time off of work for stress for a month unless they were on the verge of a breakdown. Most people don’t want to have to hand in a sick note saying they’re stressed, it’s usually the last resort. Retracting your childcare obligations in your DILs time of need is pretty low, just retract it when she’s back at work if you don’t want to do it anymore.

I'm assuming this, although it's what we all have to do. Perhaps you should speak to your son as I don't think YABU, however it probably will damage your relationship so it may not be worth the fall out. Could you compromise and maybe do a half day?

Fine not an issue. But "work related stress shouldn't apply at home" shows shocking ignorance into how stress affects a lot of people. It can't just be switched off

If a GP has signed her off for a month it's going to be pretty severe

I agree with proposing a compromise. She's not on working day deadline, so her and toddler could have a relaxed morning and get ready under their own steam. You get a lie in then too. You could pick the toddler up at lunch and take then out to soft play and have food etc. Keep them out until 4 and then DIL wouldn't be on her own for any stretch of time but it also takes the load from you slightly. I'd appreciate that as a DIL. I've been unwell recently and the support I've had from grandparents has been amazing. Couldn't have coped without them.

Then the other parent should take the day off.

Why should OP stress herself out over it.

There is a whole spectrum of work-related stress from the relatively mild to nervous breakdown.

Unless the stress is severe (already impacting her physical health and energy levels) she is being incredibly cheeky because basically all she is doing is resting.

Your suggestion to do shorter days sounds like good compromise. Perhaps suggest dropping him back after lunch?

She can't just turn stress off like that. We don't know exactly how bad mum is here.

Some people can't look after their own kids when they get ill and the other parent has to step up so social services don't get involved.

I agree the drs normally go for 2 weeks at a time so it must be pretty bad

She can't stop being a parent because she's off sick!

Not really, the world at home keeps ticking. Looking after her own child 1 single day a week is more than reasonable. Presumably she’s able to get her toddler ready, give them a bath, put them to bed. A certain level of normality remains when you have children, that’s just life.
Most people look after their own children when their are ill, this mother is lucky to have 4 days of childcare while she’s off ill.

She's taking the mick.

This!

work related stress shouldn’t apply when she’s off work in her own home.

Wow

Just wow

I would do this. Say you're more than happy to take him to help out but you need a little lighter load so you don't burn out so you'll drop him back a bit earlier? Also maybe let them know one week you want "off"? So that your son can arrange time off if needed. You aren't an employee for sure but it is going to damage your relationship if you don't tread carefully. Perhaps you could suggest you and DIL both take son out together? She might need a bit of support with him

If she falls out with you about stopping for a few weeks while she’s got 4 days to herself a week she’d be incredibly unreasonable. What’s she going to do, start paying for an extra day’s nursery in a huff? I highly doubt it.

You’re supporting them loads. Be selfish for once and enjoy some very rare days off!

I haven't ever received any support from anymore regarding childcare and I am a single parent to a special needs child. If you are depressed or anxious it's important to have a routine as sitting around makes you ruminate on all the things making you depressed. When you have a child you need to get on with it as you will lose your confidence as a parent. Tell her you need some time as your feeling unwell and tired yourself.

I’m curious.. if it was your son off sick with stress would you still be wanting to end the arrangement?

YANBU If it was a short term physical illness then it would be unreasonable to have her vomiting while looking after a toddler because ‘if she’s at home she should have him’ however long term stress is different imo.
She already has days where she is home on her own while the child is in nursery, work related stress shouldn’t apply when she’s off work in her own home.

unless I thought she actually might be sectioned I’d be reluctant

if you want to keep it cordial I’d have an appointment so I was only able to do a half day and drop him back at lunch. Physio or something…
id then need a few more sessions…and the only slot is 1pm on X day

That's difficult...if off sick she can't look after child but if not paying you you not need to give childcare...maybe dil and son should use nursery...

No she’s taking the absolute mick.

She has the other days to have a break.

If she really can’t cope with one day then the dad will need to take the day off.

This is not fair on you.

I do regular childcare for my DGC and it seems to me that your DIL needs your support more than ever now. If she was signed off with a physical illness would you still feel that she should be looking after her DS?