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AIBU?

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To let my 9yo use my makeup

34 replies

RosieChardonnay · 25/07/2024 17:53

I have some makeup, all very natural. My 9yo is very interested in it. She will try on my (very natural) foundation, setting powder, lip balm etc. I can tell she has it on but it's so natural and she does a good job so most people would not know she was wearing it. She likes the routine of cleansing at night too. She uses my simple cleanser.
I only allow her to wear it in the house, I would not allow it at school/parties etc. I always tell her she does not need any makeup, she is so beautiful naturally inside and out. I always talk about how it's important to be a kind person and how you are as a person is so much more important than how you look etc. She has asked when she can wear makeup out of the house and I said maybe 13. I do allow a bit of nail varnish and some lip gloss now. She has a couple of friends who do wear some makeup now when going to birthday parties. Sometimes they talk about skincare together and she has mentioned brands like drunk elephant etc. I have said she doesn't need that and it's not suitable for her age.
So am I unreasonable letting her use my makeup? I don't mind too much and she is very careful with it. She enjoys organising it for me too and is very excited when I get something new to try it out. She does have some kids makeup of her own but prefers to use mine as she says it's more natural.

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Emeraldiisland · 25/07/2024 20:38

SaltAndVinegar2 · 25/07/2024 20:03

I never wear make up but I don't think what you are doing is wrong.

She will follow your example rather than what you say.

If you wear make up every time you leave the house she will grow up thinking she needs it too. All the talk of she's beautiful as she is etc means nothing.

If you only wear it sometimes, that's a healthier example to set.

I'm not sure thats true. I rarely wear make-up, last time was 11 years ago at our wedding but my mum still wears makeup every day, not loads but it is every day.
My DDs went through a stage at about 10 to 14 of wearing makeup every day but it was pretty discreet. Now 16 year old wears it sometimes but not often. 18 year old never does, although both do skincare routines every day.

SaltAndVinegar2 · 25/07/2024 20:03

I never wear make up but I don't think what you are doing is wrong.

She will follow your example rather than what you say.

If you wear make up every time you leave the house she will grow up thinking she needs it too. All the talk of she's beautiful as she is etc means nothing.

If you only wear it sometimes, that's a healthier example to set.

devildeepbluesea · 25/07/2024 19:59

Quite honestly I think there are bigger battles to fight. DD is 11, obsessed one minute and couldn’t care less the next. I don’t stop her - after all it’s her face. I’ve seen so often the mystery and attraction of the forbidden.

Her skincare obsession has already waned. Hopefully the make up fad will go the same way.

Lavender14 · 25/07/2024 19:56

Personally I think this is fine but I probably wouldn't bother with foundations etc. But I see no harm in playing with nail polish, lip gloss, eyeshadow or glitter. I read recently that it's good to say you want to wear make up to feel fancy because you're already beautiful, the makeup is just for your own fun and enjoyment. I see nothing wrong with promoting that mentality for her.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/07/2024 19:55

Personally I think the glittery stuff looks awful on kids and I would never encourage it.

So it's all about what she looks like. A funny mask, making a face or dressing up can look 'awful' but it's play. Looking non-awful is a grown up concept. Mud looks awful but is fun.

zzar45 · 25/07/2024 19:54

Could you possibly give me more specific information about the whole host of problems this will open up?

I’ll say it, every single girl I know who wore grown up makeup at an extremely young age was overly sexualised very young.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/07/2024 19:52

Comedycook · 25/07/2024 18:04

I actually I think the fact it's natural make up makes it worse than the kind of garish glitter stuff. Kind of means she's taking it more seriously. I think I'd definitely be trying to discourage this.

This. It's not expressing individuality and playing. It's covering up. Yuk.

Moonshine5 · 25/07/2024 19:52

I can tell she has it on but it's so natural and she does a good job so most people would not know
Highly unlikely OP

NerrSnerr · 25/07/2024 19:48

My 9 year old has some make up. She'll sometimes wear some eye shadow and glittery lip gloss. She's still very much a child and does a lot of sport (she's been known to put on green eyeshadow on the morning of a comp to match her kit).

It's just a bit of fun, she isn't trying to look older and certainly doesn't look older doing it.

NuffSaidSam · 25/07/2024 19:46

S1lverCandle · 25/07/2024 19:33

Well, it's not just face paint, is it? A 9 year old with her face painted like a butterfly / tiger is a very different prospect to a 9 year old with a full face of makeup.
One is fun and age appropriate, the other looks quite odd.

Sure it is, make-up is just face paint for grown ups. If she wants to play being a grown up at home it's totally fine. Just like it's fine if she wants to play being a butterfly or a tiger. It's all pretend. I can't say a nine year old with her mum's make-up on looks anymore odd than a nine year old painted to look like a tiger!

Zanatdy · 25/07/2024 19:41

I’d continue with your age 13 rule and discourage the use of make up. The longer she can go the better. My DD is 16 and doesn’t use any make up yet, good job really as she’s got a lot of acne due to hormones and cloggy make up won’t help. She has a face wash but no other skincare. I am glad as so many use young girls use an excessive amount of make up now

savethatkitty · 25/07/2024 19:37

You know what, it's entirely up to you & how comfortable you are. I began "experimenting" with make-up (aka, being given left overs by my mums friends) aged approx 10 or 11. We're talking eye shadow & lipstick. I started wearing a full face of make-up when I hit high school, aged 13.

Having said that, I have 2 daughters. Eldest not really interested in make-up, I offered to buy some when she hit high school. Youngest, just turned 13, is a bit more interested, but doesn't wear a full face.

So, I think its up to the child & up to the parent. No right or wrong.

S1lverCandle · 25/07/2024 19:33

NuffSaidSam · 25/07/2024 19:02

I think if you thought it was ok you wouldn't have used the word 'natural' quite so many times!

It's fine. It's face paint, that's all. It's fine to play with and experiment with. It's even fine if it isn't, shock horror, natural! Keep it as a fun thing to do at home and don't let it become something she relies on/needs.

Well, it's not just face paint, is it? A 9 year old with her face painted like a butterfly / tiger is a very different prospect to a 9 year old with a full face of makeup.
One is fun and age appropriate, the other looks quite odd.

reluctantbrit · 25/07/2024 19:32

I would carry on as you are. DD started around that time and I think it's ok at home.

We allowed mascara and lipgloss for parties from the end of Y6. She had her own stash already thanks to her drama/dance school performances twice a year. I think sharing is not ideal, at least buy a second set of brushes.

DD also was a Scout, loved the outdoors, swapped make up for mud and horse manure on a weekly basis and played with teddies.

MumChp · 25/07/2024 19:32

My approach was the same at that age and they soon lost interest again.

RosieChardonnay · 25/07/2024 19:29

MillshakePickle · 25/07/2024 19:04

I don't agree with makeup and skin care for kids so young.

Fine to incorporate washing face, hands, etc, when brushing teeth at night if she's not had a bath. Plus, a good moisturiser for skin which is age appropriate and made for children.

Children's skin is so sensitive and is thinner than adults' skin. Their pH balance is also slightly different.

Lip gloss and nails I think are fine but more than that is overly sexualising and setting them up for issues with what's normal.

I am in the fashion industry and have been for over 2 decades. Trust me, when it starts this young, it often not always opens the doors to a whole host of problems.

I keep my kids away from anything like that including unnecessary hair products and all social media. It's toxic to their well being and mental health.

Thank you, that's interesting.
Could you possibly give me more specific information about the whole host of problems this will open up?
Just wondering how allowing her to use my makeup occasionally, speaking to her about it and putting boundaries in place v completing banning makeup?

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 25/07/2024 19:11

I made an early parenting decision never to get into a fight about something that washes off at the end of the day. And I've never regretted that policy.

And I don't think we've had a whole host of unnamed problems because DD wore a lot of make up and far earlier than I really approved of.

We have had some interesting convos over the years about why she likes to present herself that way. The most recent one was about "pretty privilege" which she thinks is really shallow but will take advantage of completely ruthlessly

MillshakePickle · 25/07/2024 19:04

I don't agree with makeup and skin care for kids so young.

Fine to incorporate washing face, hands, etc, when brushing teeth at night if she's not had a bath. Plus, a good moisturiser for skin which is age appropriate and made for children.

Children's skin is so sensitive and is thinner than adults' skin. Their pH balance is also slightly different.

Lip gloss and nails I think are fine but more than that is overly sexualising and setting them up for issues with what's normal.

I am in the fashion industry and have been for over 2 decades. Trust me, when it starts this young, it often not always opens the doors to a whole host of problems.

I keep my kids away from anything like that including unnecessary hair products and all social media. It's toxic to their well being and mental health.

NuffSaidSam · 25/07/2024 19:03

Comedycook · 25/07/2024 18:04

I actually I think the fact it's natural make up makes it worse than the kind of garish glitter stuff. Kind of means she's taking it more seriously. I think I'd definitely be trying to discourage this.

I agree!

NuffSaidSam · 25/07/2024 19:02

I think if you thought it was ok you wouldn't have used the word 'natural' quite so many times!

It's fine. It's face paint, that's all. It's fine to play with and experiment with. It's even fine if it isn't, shock horror, natural! Keep it as a fun thing to do at home and don't let it become something she relies on/needs.

BigFeetEnergy · 25/07/2024 18:42

It's not something I'd create rules over or stress about. I'd steer it away from 'makeup makes you look pretty' and appearance is everything just as you describe.

But at that age I'd suggest her doing your makeup, you doing hers. Doing ott clownish looks, doing 80s style looks, using facepaints too. Being silly with it and keep it fun. She just wants to copy you. She's not growing up too fast, she's playing at being mummy like kids aways have done. Poke gentle fun at the sephora girls on tiktok, keep it away from that!

RosieChardonnay · 25/07/2024 18:41

Thanks all. She doesn't like the kiddy makeup at all so would not be interested in it.
It is about playing being an adult to her. She loves playing with her dolls and loves pretenting to be a mummy.
I think it's probably just a phase, I will continue to allow her to use mine occasionally, not outside of home and I am not going to buy her makeup of her own as this I feel would encourage it further.
She has lots of other hobbies outside of this so I am not particularly worried but something to keep an eye on and interesting to get opinions. Thank you.

OP posts:
SonicTheHodgeheg · 25/07/2024 18:29

Glittery, bright makeup is a sign of youth imo and I agree with a pp that applying it like an adult woman rather than doing it for fun is too serious for a primary aged child.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 25/07/2024 18:28

From a hygiene point of view, it might be best to get her to use different brushes to you so that neither of you end up with breakouts from sharing.

It’s a bit too late to wonder if you are being unreasonable. The car’s out of the bag and she’s using all kinds of products that most don’t try until older (foundation, setting powder…)

Comedycook · 25/07/2024 18:28

RosieChardonnay · 25/07/2024 18:25

Thanks for your comment. Personally I think the glittery stuff looks awful on kids and I would never encourage it. She doesn't like it either.

Edited

But awfully applied glittery makeup has the element of fun. Very well applied natural make up is more about looking good rather than just having fun which is too grown up a concept imo.

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