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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want friends to tell their DC that my DC is adopted

307 replies

Hellotoyouandyou · 25/07/2024 16:21

My DC is adopted. They have always known this and know that this is their story to tell others or not. They have always chosen not to.

Close friends DC recently asked their parents personal questions about my DC and our family set up. Friends said they planned to sit their DC down and explain that my DC is adopted. I have asked them not to. I feel very protective of my DC and their right to privacy.

Friends are worried that their DC will find out later and be upset that their parents lied to them. They feel that this will break their trust. I suggested that they could just explain that all families are different and leave it at that. They are really not happy with this as their child is very inquisitive and curious and not likely to let things and will keep asking questions that they can’t answer. Both DC are 7.

AIBU to continue to ask them not to tell their DC that my DC is adopted?

thank you

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 25/07/2024 16:30

I think you are both making a big deal out of something that isn't. Unless there is more to the story that you are leaving out....e.g. having to explain how a same sex couple may have kids. Then surely there is no need for your friends to 'sit their child down and explain yours is adopted'.......it's a basic answer to a question - 'mum, why is child A black and her parents white' 'because she was adopted' every one carries on with their day. (Or whatever led to the question....but you get the point).
I do agree the details of the story are your child's to tell.And I would suggest that is what you emphasis to your friends.

Longdueachange · 25/07/2024 16:30

They are making your adoption of your dc about them. I would be less generous and explain that how your dc came to join your family isn't a learning experience or family bonding session for them and their dc.

Thingsthatgo · 25/07/2024 16:29

Why would their child be asking these questions? Is it somehow obvious that your child is adopted? Are you a same sex couple and it is leading some curiosity? I am guessing that you shared the information with the parent, which has lead to this.

Kentuckycriedfrickin · 25/07/2024 16:28

FWIW, I agree with you that it should be up to your DC who they tell however you've given the information to your friends and it's an unfortunate fact of life that you can't then control what they do with that knowledge. You can't tell them what they can or can't discuss with their own DC.

Sanguinello · 25/07/2024 16:26

I agree with you. It's up to you and your dc who is told about it. Is there any reason they'd even have to lie to them? Why would their dc be asking if your kids were adopted in the first place?

SilkFloss · 25/07/2024 16:26

YANBU.
They don't need to lie; is there any need to even say anything? And if ever their child accuses them of lying then they've got bigger issues to sort out. Children don't need to know everything - nosiness is not the same as inquisitiveness. They need to deal with that.

Fluffytoebeanz · 25/07/2024 16:23

My daughter is adopted and we've always said that it's her story to tell. I think you should say that to your friends. We've had the experience of other children telling other children and it getting out of hand.

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