To stop my kids dad's new GF take my kids for the day

Is the point of mums "parenting time" so that she can "spend time with the children"? Is she never allowed to ask a babysitter, partner or family member to watch the kids for a bit. Does she have to be entertaining them constantly?

Kids don't want or need that kind of relationship with their parents when they have separated. They want normal. They want a bit of telly, to be left on their own, to be taken out, to potter about with extended friends and family. Otherwise the parenting relationship becomes disneyfied.

I'm very pro step parents having relationships with kids, my eldest adores my partner and his stepmum.
But 4 months, even though not your choice, is not long enough for any adult in my opinion to have your kids all day.
She could be absolutely anybody. That's my concern. Could you imagine the concern if a man wanted full access to 2 without mum after 4 months?
Whilst I agree that men are more of a risk, female predators aren't unheard of. I'd be worried sick about this unless he's known his gf for a significant amount of time prior to their relationship.

Agree if kids are under 10

Why don’t you want them to go?

Would the children enjoy it?

The trouble with that is that OP wouldn't be free to make choices like having a relative or family friend take the children out/agree to a sleepover or party/get a trusted friend to babysit while she went out, without her ex invoking his right to have them instead. Neither parent would be able to make normal parenting decisions and the kids' lives would be utterly chaotic. If it works one way, it has to work the other.

I wouldn't like this either, in fact I would hate it, but it is the reality of separated parents. OP doesn't have the right to dictate how the children cared for when they are in their father's custody.

If you are divorced, you get to be the parent in ‘your’ time.

That includes doing what any parent has the right to do, including getting other adults to look after them.

Your ex doesn’t get a right to veto your family, friends or childminder looking after your children, so you don’t get the right to veto his gf unless you think she is actually somehow a danger to them (unlikely).

I get that you feel it is a poor parenting decision (sounds like it is to me as well) and it must feel awful, but that is the way it works and, unless you want to have an awful coparenting relationship, you have to live with it.

She's showing willing to be involved with doing something nice with the children. Give her a chance.

Presumably it's a day off work for her so it's a good sign she is prepared to do stuff with her partners children.

It's not the question you asked and there isn't anything you can do about it but moving in after 4.5. months? When he has two kids under 10? Sheesh.

Its not your decision to make.

The horse has already bolted, so I don't see the point in putting the kibosh on their day trip now.

I wouldn't let anyone I didn't know and who my DCs didn't know that well take my two young DCs to a theme park on their own. End of.

How would you stop them?

Unbending attitudes like that tend to lead to parents not communicating until after the event has happened.

You say they're both under 10 years old but how far under?

This is pretty relevant for me.

You don’t get to “categorically say no” if tomorrow is his day. He can choose to let her if that’s what he wants to do.

Just like if you wanted your parent to watch them on your day, or wanted them to go out with their friends mum on your day, he can’t point blank refuse.

I get why you don’t love the idea but you’re unreasonable to even think you get a final or categoric say on the matter

I wouldn't let anyone I didn't know and who my DCs didn't know that well take my two young DCs to a theme park on their own. End of.

I would want to know they could cope with tired and over excited DCs. What if they suddenly start crying and wanting a parent (probably you) and are unconsolable by a virtual stranger?

No. In future maybe but not yet.

If it's DHs time with them, why isn't he spending time with them? Why is he palming them off on his GF?

You can say no but legally a court would side with him, if he ever bothers.

The problem is that he gets to choose who looks after the kids in his time with them, and you decide in yours. He is the responsible parent in his time and you don't get to control that. It's one of the horrible, awful things about separation. I think if they are living together shortly, and she is making an effort with the kids, hard as it is I'd look on the bright side. Because she's not a stranger to one of the parents - she's his SO. And wanting to treat them like this hopefully means she's not going to be awful to them.

Where are they breeding these women who are so eager to move these men and their children into their homes? I look around me and I can't see a single one 😳.
(Missing the point, but hey).

You need to meet the girlfriend so you can assess whether or not you trust her with your children, op. Hopefully, she is OK but your ex moving in with her after such a short while seems a bit rushed and rather immature. There's not much you can do about that but you must be reassured that your kids will be looked after.

A stranger (to me) taking my young children to a theme park by herself? Not a chance. It seems odd, to me, that she'd even want to do this without your ex.

I don’t think YBU. I think they should stay with you if your ex is busy. They don’t need to be palmed off to new gf this quickly even if eventually they do have one on one time with her.

Would you rather he had a GF that ignored your children and did nothing with them?

Enjoy the day off, kids will enjoy it too

Depends what you know of her, how sensible she is, experience with children.
And surely their time with their dad is just that. Why didn’t he ask to swap days?

Surely the purpose of his parenting time is so that the kids get to spend time with their dad? Not some random woman he met a few weeks ago that he’s just offloading his obligations onto.

I’d be really miffed too!

Is there any “right of first refusal” written into your parenting/custody plan?

4.5 months and on her own?

No I wouldn't feel comfortable with that either.

Disagree about so many of these responses. If it was his parents that would be totally different, but they can't know this woman well and it's not appropriate. Why isn't he going? Tell him either he goes to or you're keeping the kids. End of.