To stop my kids dad's new GF take my kids for the day

Mmm. I would be especially careful if an ex partner meets someone through OLD. They could be perfectly lovely or like my ex, he could meet a woman with all kinds of 'issues' (in her case, binge alcoholism and MH problems). But you wouldn't employ a childminder unless she had been checked out, there is always a risk involved with leaving your kids with a near stranger, so again yanbu.

I agree that when it's not your 'time' with DC then you don't get to dictate or veto what the other parent does - but if the other parent isn't going to be there, then I think OP should be able to say she'll have them in her care instead. Not a veto per se, but a 'first-dibs' on childcare should the other parent not be present.

Obviously if OP can't have them for that time then the Dad's decision for childcare is final, or if he's agreed the GF can take them for a bonding exercise or whatever then that's also up to him. But if it's simply because Dad's working or busy then I think OP having them instead of GF is totally reasonable?

He sounds like an utter tool OP. Now I actually feel sorry for the girlfriend, she sounds as if she's trying to do the right thing by the children. If he cared about them, he wouldn't dump them the minute he meets someone new - disappearing from your kids' lives for weeks on end to prioritise your fucking sex life is despicable.

Your update makes me think you haven't a formal agreement in place for where/when the children stay @Sunsparkles .

Get that in place. This will stop you having to step in and be at his beck and call when he can't manage.
Broken ankle, his time…tough he needs to find a way to manage, just like the rest of us.

You need a life too.

Guess what - just had a message that I'm going to need to collect the kids sat lunchtime (they are planned to be with him until Monday evening) because she isn't going to be around to look after them.

I imagine she didn't feel like doing childcare because of the way you reacted to her taking them out and thought sod it their mum can deal with them.

He sounds an all round shit- unsurprisingly ☹️

He's broken his ankle and she stepped up so they weren't disappointed. She's trying to do a nice tuning for your kids and you "catagorically said no".
Don't complain when she refuses to step up and help with childcare later on down the line and it inconveniences you. You might well have shot yourself in the foot if this relationship lasts!

Well I'd have an issue with this and rightly so. Its one thing for the dad to be there, but to completely sod off leaving this new girlfriend in charge is a no in my book.

He is a crap dad, there is no denying that.

It sounds as though she likes kids though and so hopefully she may be a positive influence and encourage him to spend more time with them.

I would let my kids go to the theme park with her because they already know her now and will be looking forward to it.

They may feel a bit awkward being at her home all day.

Also would not be happy but feck all you can do. 4.5 months though, already met kids etc. Its so soon it really is.

"This is the 8th or 9th gf the kids have met in the last 2.5yrs, the 4th he has been going to move in with."

Oof.

"He and I have a VERY strained parenting relationship which is way too complex to update here, but generally goes along a pattern of him wanting the kids more for a bit, then meeting someone new and refusing to have them as much and round and round we go. This current cycle was wanted the kids 50:50 Feb/mar time, I agreed to almost that much, then new gf on the scene suddenly he was withdrawing time with kids and now once he moves in with her (planned for sept) he is dropping his contact time to a day or two for 4 weekends then nothing for 4 weeks, then day or two for 4 weekends again....."

So he's just shit all round. Being a very inconsistent part of their life, that is NOT good for children.

In this particular instance, I expect the planned theme park trip is known to the children, they are excited to go and would be disappointed if it were cancelled. They're 6 and 9 - how familiar with children this age is she? Do you think she can keep them safe - in which case the trip can go ahead. If there are doubts about her ability to manage two excited children - tricky. Could she take another adult to replace your ex? A mother, sister, friend - yourself?

He's broken his ankle, she's offered to to take them out. YABU, why shouldn't they do something?

He's a shit dad. Your kids will have an endless cycle of GF's , disruption and instability. Unfortunately, he's their dad and you can't dictate how he lives his life or how he spends his time with the children. I absolutely wouldn't like it. I'd absolutely be telling him about himself and the impact on the children. He'll probably think your jealous because he's a self centred prick and realistically he won't change his behaviour so it's probably pointless. Anyhow, he's a selfish, self centred arsehole that priorities his dick over his kids emotional wellbeing but he's their selfish, self centred arsehole.

He broke his ankle today, they had plans already for tomorrow but obvs he can't go. And yes it is his time to have the kids.

You should probably have put this in your OP.

I'd be fine with it then. It's nice of her to agree to take them so they're not disappointed.

If it's dads time he can leave kids with whoever he likes - same as when you have your kids ex doesn't get a say in who you choose to look after them. Unless there is a massive drip feed with concerning behaviour you don't get to say no unfortunately

If you seek legal advice you will be advised that your ex is a responsible parent, who therefore has the capacity and right to make decisions about his children.

This is just as you have.

Unless you can prove otherwise.

In my case my toddler and 4 year old were being left with my ex’s 82 year old DM, a frail lady that said she couldn't care for both children safely. She lived an hour away from my ex and further from me.

I took legal advice and was advised of the above. I was also advised that if I was worried I should train our 4 year old, how to manage an emergency.

Your ex is an idiot. What sort of dickhead introduced his kids to a new GF and moved in after 4 months. He really doesn't have your kids best interests at heart and is only thinking with his prick. Unfortunately, I don't think theirs a huge amount you can do about it if it's his contact time.

It would depend on a number of factors for me.

The age of the new partner
If the new partner has children herself
How my child felt about the partner (if they'd been coming home with complaints I wouldn't be happy)

I'd feel fine about a newish partner taking mine to the local park but I feel like a theme park is very, very different. Especially on your own with two kids and if you're not used to it. That being said I think it's lovely that she wants to play a more active role in their lives and spend quality time with them. The more people in childrens lives that can offer love, guidance and support the better imo.

This sums up the situation.

Has he outsourced his child care responsibilities to his new girlfriend?

It would be a N fucking O from me.