To stop my kids dad's new GF take my kids for the day

You are not being unreasonable! I can’t believe anyone would think you were. I wouldn’t let anyone I barely know look after my kids and your ex has only known her 4 months. If they were serious after about a year or so then yeah. You’re not some crazy jealous ex because of that

This just isn't that case in the family law cases I know about. He has parental responsibility and an established (informal) contact pattern. There have been no reported concerns about his parenting. In my experience a good solicitor would recommend mediation but ultimately let her know that a sheriff would be likely formalise his contact time not remove it.

Interesting, absolutely not what my barrister advised.
Very much, ‘he is a responsible adult and unless deemed otherwise has the capacity to make decisions (as I have), about who cares for the DC’s’.

The only impact is on maintenance. If he leaves them elsewhere ( in my case with his elderly DM) those nights are not included in his ‘overnight care’ and his payments are worked out accordingly.

I’m the new woman. Or I was 14 years ago. My (now) husband didn’t leave his wife for me btw. I have a fantastic relationship with my stepkids and would do anything for them. Don’t mistake genuine caring for anything else.

Family lawyer’s input here -

Dads contact time is for the Dad and the children - they are not able to ’just leave them with anyone they choose’ as some posters have (incorrectly) said.

if they do, highly possible that Mum will stop agreeing to contact. If he has to go to court to sort things out he will be lucky to get a court date for months. Much better for him to agree sensibly with you when and by whom your children will be cared for.

New relationship - generally six months at least, although of course every case is different.

Hope that’s helpful.

Whilst I wouldn't be thrilled, if it's on his time, it's his call. He doesn't get to dictate who you might have watch the kids during your time, and you shouldn't on his.

I feel very sorry for these children who've been introduced to girlfriend after girlfriend. This is very destabilising for them. They will eventually realise their dad doesn't GAF about them 😔

as he is your stepson I am assuming you were together longer than 4 months when you started taking him swimming. That is the issue here, the short amount of time he has known her

I don’t care whose day it is my kids wouldn’t be going off with someone on their own when their dad had only known her 4 months. Just no. They wouldn’t be going anywhere on their own if it was my boyfriend who id been with for 4 months either. Not that I would even be introducing them at that stage anyway.
you don’t just give up being a parent because it’s not your day. Put your foot down and say no. Ignore some of the idiotic comments on here about jealousy and you should think yourself lucky she wants to take them. Trust your instincts.

I'd be asking about parental responsibility if there was an accident... Otherwise, Unfortunately, it's up to him.

It's not your choice.

I absolutely understand why you wouldn't be happy with it but either he is fit to look after the children (in which case you have to trust his judgment when they are with him) or he is not fit to look after them, in which case you need to go to court to prevent unsupervised contact.

I’m not sure that the ‘purpose’ of the parenting time is to spend time with their Dad. If two parents are dividing their time, it’s very likely that either parent has to work and arrange childcare if required on their days. It is up to the individual parent to make the choice. The other parent has no right of veto, whether they plan to use e.g a childminder, relative or friend. The other parent doesn’t even have to tell you. If you have any safeguarding concerns that is a different matter, but assuming you haven’t, difficult as it is there is nothing you can do. Rather than saying you will refuse to ‘allow’ this - maybe ask if you can meet her so you can put your mind at rest? Otherwise enjoy your day ‘off’

It would be a no from me. I am divorced and was furious when the gf took my son out for the day. The dad takes or at least is with them or my son stays with me. Children are not toys.

He's on his 8th or 9th gf the kids have met in the last 2.5yrs, the 4th he has been going to move in with. He's an irresponsible prick. With incredibly bad judgement.

I'm glad it worked out for you but hasn't worked out for him the last 9 GF he introduced to his kids to nor has he learnt anything because he continues to introduce his kids to people he's known for minutes. I had mouldy food in my fridge longer than his relationship last. His kids emotional wellbeing should come before his penis.

Well this idiot did exactly that 37 years ago, and we are very happily married and have 17 grand children and a host of great grand children. Some times we as parents make the right decision for us and not for others around us. You trusted his judgement enough to have a child with him. Trust he wants the best for them now too and realizes they will thoroughly enjoy the theme park

I'm really on your side btw he is a waste man scrub from the tlc song just like my ex

I agree

Yabu unless you have any reason to think she's not safe?
They'll have fun and you don't have to pay for it. Think of her as a free babysitter.

If you needed childcare and organized it you wouldn't expect your ex to be able to veto it would you?

No you can't dictate this same as he can't dictate what you do

I love how on here women are told they are wrong for introducing someone new over a coffee if it's been under a year but OP is expected to be fine with a virtual stranger taking her kids out unsupervised. It would be a firm no from me.

This is all well and good until there's an emergency and you've alienated the person who would have been available and known to the children.

I never did childcare for my SCs until one day, dps ex's brother was in car crash they thought to be fatal. Her parents rushed to their sons bedside and my husband was working away. I canceled my plans went to her home and babysat so she could go to her brother. Had she behaved like you in early days we would not have been at the point where I could do this.

Starting off your relationship with her by being hostile isn't doing anyone any favours. Another adult who cares for them is a positive thing.

@LewishamMumNow

thats not how the law works & next time he just won't tell the OP.

parents are entitled to decide who looks after the kids on their time.

you don't have to like it, but that's how it is when you're no longer together.

How do you read all of that from what the OP had said?

Thanks, just lots of experience of managing a difficult ex. Mine had visions of living next door to me with his OW and the kids ‘sometimes being with me and sometimes being with him’ - which in practice would mean that I had no life at all as I would have been their nanny/babysitter as and when it suited them. I wasn't living my life like that.

We did have an agreed pattern, DC’s require stability. The maintenance calculations were also based on the agreed pattern.

Sometimes Ex wouldn't turn up at school to pick them up…i had provided the school with our calendar. They would contact him. His responsibility.
It is like training a child, with consequences!

We followed this ( though ex did storm out of mediation when he didn't get his own way). www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/types-of-court-order

You could be as against it as you like, but you do not have the right to meet her, or veto it etc. Even if you do not trust the dad.