C Section is 'not a real birth'

I read this quite a lot on here, that some people say having a C-section is not a 'real birth.' In real life I have NEVER heard anyone say this. I had 2 - one emergency section, and one elective (was recommended to me after the first difficult birth,) and no-one has said to me in over 25 years 'you didn't give birth properly!'

Does anyone actually think this? Or say it?

@concretevase Don't be silly. If you grow a baby inside you, and it comes out of you, of course it's a birth FGS.

I was in same boat, emergency for 1st birth & all very traumatic DH thought he'd lost us both. Not given an option about next birth, trust me an elective section is a totally different experience & you will just be happy that you have a healthy baby. If anyone else makes you feel a failure for not being able to push out a baby then tell them to give their heads a wobble. Talk to your midwife about how you're feeling.
Healthy baby & mum is all that matters.

I wish I'd have had a c section.Labour traumatised me and only had one dc because of it.

Think about how you'd respond and feel if a friend or relative was expressing thoughts like these to you. You'd never think of your closest friend as less of a woman in these circumstances would you? Please be kinder to yourself. You're growing another baby right now, you're raising your eldest. All that matters is that they are with you, and safe.

My first birth was vaginal and the second was planned C section. I never once thought that I’m missing out on a part of womanhood or whatever nonsense it says in your OP. The only thing that matters is you bringing a healthy baby into the world. Try and focus on that

My first baby was an emergency c section after 4 days of induced labour (in a heatwave!). I struggled to get my head round many aspects of it for a long time so I totally understand.

My second, I had moved and they tried to force me to have a natural birth. I really had to dig my heels in. It was 100% the right decision (and advised by the team from my first). I vividly remember both of their first nights. Chalk and cheese, same as the actual c sections - so so different. I remember just lying there, baby gazing and thinking “so THIS is what it’s meant to be like…”
I found my planned c section really healing, cheesy as that sounds, and helped me get my head around the first even more! Was sat cross legged on the bed within 24 hours and off painkillers within 5 days - a far cry from the first!

I said at the time I would do it again in a heartbeat - and in time, we did. Not totally as smooth as the one before but still a totally different experience to the first.

Do I wish it had all been different? Yes, I wish it had been smooth sailing and no need for all the intervention - that my body had SOME clue what it was meant to be doing! But I don’t mind that I had a c section. If it hadn’t been that it would have been a pretty horrendous birth and I’m sure the c/s avoided a lot of other issues. I’m ok with it. I’m glad others can hypno birth their baby out within 7 minutes at home, but the reality is that wasn’t the case for me and what was done was right - if they hadn’t, I don’t think it’s a given either of us would be here.

Go for what you want. Have a plan b. If that means trying natural but move to c section when x happens or so many hours etc do that. If it means a planned section but if you go in to Labour first you plan to try under certain limitations go for that. Keep relaxed. A healthy baby is everything, along with a healthy mum. A good friend had her baby born sleeping 2 months ago. Everything pales in to insignificance next to what she is going through.

good luck - it’s going to be ok xx

Please don't do this to yourself, of course it's a real birth and delivery! As others have told you here as well: it's a real birth and a real delivery, just maybe not the one you had in mind, but I think that is true for a lot of women.
The only thing that counts is the health of mother and baby.
That doesn't mean your feelings about it are invalid though.

I had an emergency C section too, which also left me feeling as if I hadn't experienced a 'real' birth, even though it happened after trying for as long as possible to even push baby out myself, so I guess I did experience almost all of a 'natural' birth.
So I think I do understand what you are saying.

My gynaecologist had a psychologist see me in hospital on the 2nd day after the birth, because he said he was afraid I was heading for a PND because of the emergency C section. I was crying because I felt like an incompetent woman who couldn't do what my body was supposed to be able to do and of course this wasn't at all how I had imagined it to go. (also didn't help that SIL and MIL both told me I had somehow taken the easy way out and I hadn't had a real delivery...

I denied that I needed any help at the time but really, in hindsight, he was right. It definitely took me longer than necessary to come to terms with my feelings without it. Please look into support if you can before and after the birth if you think it may help.

I hope you have a safe birth, in whatever way it happens and that you enjoy your baby!

Your baby left your body, that means you gave birth regardless of whether you pushed them out or had to take the arguably more painful and traumatic route of a C section. You gave birth regardless of how they left your body.

Lol

You get to have an intact vagina though!

You'll be very glad of that in later life, trust me

I also am in favour of some planned/elective caesarians because it's how medical staff can get training and practice for emergency caesarians without the intense pressure and stress of emergency circumstances.

That became clear to me when my shit hot doctor/surgeon disappeared after introducing herself, and I got another gynaecologist who was audibly training a junior throughout mine.

I think the non emergency ones are hugely helpful to medical staff. They probably help save lives.
Would you like to do things for the first (or even second or third etc time) under intense, life saving pressure?

I don't judge other mums at DCs school based on how they had their children, vaginal, c-section, adoption etc. I don't care whether they breast-fed etc. They're all mums. I hope you can get past this and enjoy your baby.

There's so many things we can feel "guilty" about - how long it takes to conceive, having a miscarriage, how healthy we are in pregnancy, being anxious or depressed, how the baby arrives, how long (or if) we breastfeed for, how we wean, whether we go back to work or stay at home, using nurseries, using tech.... it's kind of, pick the one that going to make you feel and about yourself! I wish we could just stop it and ensure we had safe and happy dc and mothers. That is enough!

I had a section and a VBAC. If I knew then what I inow now I’d have had two sections.

Although the pethadine was great.

Some quite harsh posts here, I think.

I have had 3 c sections 2 elected I have never thought about missing out. I just wanted my babies out safely xx

This in spades op. No one , and absolutely no one will give you a medal for having a VD. And even more so, it isn't the measure of how great a mum you will be. A healthy baby and mum is the most important thing. A planned CS is a very calming experience. You just need a week or two of help for Recovery

Yeah I get you, I completely felt like this too.

I had to have a c section first birth, and felt shit about it. 2nd time around I was determined to have a v bac. Again, this didn’t work out due to medical reasons and I had a c section. My c section experience was a 100 times better the second time around - I asked for a ‘natural’ section, where they delayed cord clamping, lowered the curtain as she came out, then gave her straight to me and didn’t take her a away from me at all (they took dc away first time whilst they stitched me up!). It went perfectly - I had never felt happiness like it in my life. But the feelings of missing out came back and for the first year of her life I couldn’t talk about anyone giving birth, cried a lot - I wouldn’t have been able to look at this post.
Now that’s passed, and I think hormones settled, I honestly don’t feel like I missed out on anything. My 2nd section was such an amazing experience, I’d never felt joy like it, and if I had a natural birth I maybe wouldn’t have had that experience.
So I guess I’m saying I get what you’re saying and have been there myself, but two sections later I’ve come to terms with it and I’m so pleased with how my births went. I don’t think I’ve missed out at all. And the reality is that neither myself or my babies would have survived a vaginal birth either, so that also puts everything into perspective.

I am missing out on something about womanhood.

It's your responsibility as a woman and mother to do what is safest for your baby and yourself (and your other child).

"Womanhood" in the past quite often involved dying during or after birth, or losing a baby during or after birth.

People have all these concepts based on "nature" always being benevolent and functional etc.

It's not though, is it??

My husband's ex said when she found out I had a section 'so not a real birth then'. I have type 1 diabetes, I was over 40, he weighed 10lbs 4oz at just before 37 weeks when I had him. Yea it was pretty damn real and recovery no walk in the park, though not as bad as I feared.
You are pregnant. The baby has to come out. Whether through your vagina or uterine wall the baby is born and is real. I feel no 'guilt'. The doctors strongly recommended a section. I wanted a healthy baby and that's what I got.

Even that, I vaguely remember from the documentary that she had a private section date so David could be there as he was in contract and had a really small window of time when he wouldn’t be away at a game or training camp or something.
If you had unlimited money and your partner might not be there for the birth of your child wouldn’t you do what you could to make that happen?

The too posh to push narrative has done serious damage.

They will probably ask you questions about why you want the section but you do have the right to request it. Any surgeon that refuses must refer you to another.

I ‘chose’ a section after a long induction that was going nowhere, it was that or the hormone drip but I really didn’t want it. I felt hugely guilty afterwards though so can sympathise with OP.

You know what, if not having risking having my vagina ripped to my butthole, or my clitoris torn in two, or needing vaginal reconstructive surgery means I haven't fully experienced womanhood, then I'm ok with that.

And yes, I know that women with that injuries are in the minority (apparently) but I also know women they've happened to, and I'm lucky that in having planned sections, I never took those risks. I took different ones, but ones that didn't make me cross my legs and wince.

If you really want to 'experience' it, fine, go for it. It's important that you follow your instincts here, but it's not really an 'experience', more an incredibly painful and risky thing to endure and get through which has killed millions of women.

To make matters worse I have convinced myself that if I don't push a baby out I am missing out on something about womanhood.

With respect, this says something about your own disordered thought processes, and nothing about births, vaginal or otherwise. Have you been drinking the NCT Koolaid?

Let's think about this logically...

No Caesarian in a difficult birth resulting in high chance of trauma and/or death of baby and mother
OR
Caesarian and healthy baby and mother.

I'm going for the very real birth option of the C section, OP. It's still your child's birth, however it occurs.

You got pregnant because you wanted a child, not a Birth Experience, didn't you?