C Section is 'not a real birth'

I had a friend who was a midwife, she said the caesarean births were lovely because the mothers were lucid.

I've had 4 vaginal births and every time it felt brutal and like I might die. When the babies finally arrived I didn't care about them initially as I was reeling from the pain and exhaustion.
Either way your body has grown that baby for 9 whole months, the birth is just the last few hours at the end of the journey of making an amazing baby!

I think you’re minimising the OPs feelings here, it’s quite widely accepted/known that a c-section birth can bring on similar feelings that the OP has described.

I've had three vaginal births and one C-section. I even did one without any painkillers whatsoever for 12 hours of back labour. I promise you, I don't feel like more of a woman for any of it. Whatever you choose, you've gestated a child!

Nothing on earth was going to convince me to squeeze a baby out. I had a planned C section and didn’t regret it for a second. No contractions, tears, prolapse, stitches where I didn’t want them, no bladder problems, no forceps, no pelvic floor issues, no embarrassment. Each to their own but I have no idea why women who don’t have to, want a vaginal delivery. Fabulous for those who found it a doddle, btw, but I wasn’t risking it.

I've has one emergency and one elective CS. I have heard this shite too and frankly its absolute nonsense. I chose to have a CS second time round because I knew what to expect and didn't want to risk any issues, both short term and long term with my vagina, pelvic floor etc. After working in gynae clinic I am too familiar with the impact of vaginal birth. Honestly if someone says this, I would just laugh. I have 2 healthy kids and an intact vaginal area.

I had a vaginal birth, with rapid labour (90m from waters breaking to placenta).

I had actually begged the doctors to properly discuss a c section with me because rapid labour runs in the family. Instead they authorised sweeps from the midwife at home at 37 weeks and said wait and see. In spite of being high risk...

I feel like I "missed out" on a break between contractions which were non stop from the moment they started. I definitely missed out on my packed snacks, playlist etc And I did a grand total on one contraction in a comfortable position before they had me in stirrups.

Somewhat rambling point being... I think it's really common to regret a decision that was taken out of your hands, especially one that you're actively encouraged to overthink.

I do sometimes wonder if it would be better if women were told the range of things that might happen, and not expected to second guess what they think ought to happen in a complicated medical event.

This all day long. I had an emergency c section aged 25 after a failed induction. My recovery was horrendous and I ended up back in hospital with blood poisoning. Terrible PTSD too.

Had my second c section (planned) aged 37 and my recovery was a walk in the park. I was pain killer free by day 5.

I felt like I really missed out on my first DCs birth (general anesthesia so I guess I did in many ways) but my planned c section was absolutely lovely. Got to hold baby immediately, skin to skin etc. It was a fantastic experience.

Well, my C-sections weren't planned (I never gave it a thought,) but after the first was an emergency one, and they offered me the second, which I took, I am really glad I had C-sections.

I have certainly never 'grieved' a vaginal birth - like one poster said. After the horror stories I read on Mumsnet, (and all over the internet,) about all the birth injuries many women have, I am very glad I had C-sections. The scarring from them is very minimal. You can barely see anything.

I know a half a dozen women (all 31-35 when they had their first,) who had elective C-sections, because they know that the older the mother, the greater the likelihood of a difficult birth. Never known one single woman regret her choice of a C-section.

💯

If you really have nothing better to worry about than this it’s fine - but don’t post such nonsense on this forum.

Many women here are struggling to have babies at all or who have had c-sections and your nonsense is not appreciated in the slightest.

Iv had 2 natural births where I tore and was sore for weeks and a planned section because my blood pressure was very high and even hospital bed rest wouldn't bring it down. It was the first week of December, my baby wasn't due until 19th December and I was told I'd have to stay in hospital until I had my baby. They offered me a C section and I agreed because I didn't want to spend almost 2 weeks in hospital in December when I had 2 little ones at home. It was bloody fantastic. It was all over in a couple of minutes. I healed really well. I couldn't believe it was so easy. I wished I'd had a C section for all the births and avoided the tares. I was still able to breastfeed. Birth is about having a baby.

@arecklessmanor giggle away. I was just so happy to feel normal.
That's the real goal ✨

As for your body not doing what it's supposed to - I didn't have a c-section but my "normal" birth was very assisted.

So what?

I had a planned elective c-section, if I’m lucky enough to have another I would do it again.

@PennyPugwash I’m giggling a bit at your comment that you were hoovering as if it’s a goal. I don’t think I was in a rush to hoover no matter what birth experience!

I can understand feeling that way with your first child (to some extent) as it's all about the birth and I don't think people necessarily think that hard about what comes afterwards.

But I would have thought that if you already have a child, you'd know that all that matters is that you and baby come through the process unscathed.

There are only two ways for a baby to come out and neither are massively attractive. A zip would be good, or to be a marsupial and the baby pops out and grows on the outside for a while! Given the unattractiveness of either option, it doesn't really matter which you end up with.

OP my sister felt sinilarly. She couldn't understand why her body "couldn't do what it was supposed to do" anf felt that she wasn't strong enough. None of that is true of course and one thing that actually really helped her realise this is that the nurse took pictures while her youngest was lifted out of her. They're obviously graphic but they're also beautiful and a reminder of her strength. I tear up of pride when I think of them and what she went through to bring her children into the world. It might not be for you but they helped her realise that it's not "the easy way out" and she is just as strong and fierce as if she'd had a vaginal birth.

The recovery sounds rough and I understand why the prospect of it is hard, but if its what's safest for you then that might help.

I'd like to add that these expectations we put on ourselves are, I believe, largely part of the conditioning of the patriarchy.

You can bet your bottom dollar that if men gave birth there'd be none of this failure feeling nonsense!

I would much rather have c section every time if it was necessary to save the baby/me. I ended up in EMCS and I just took it as it was what was needed and that's it.

Yes OP I have experienced the same thoughts. I did after I had an emergency C section with DD1 (not helped by the doctor describing me as "failed vaginal birth, failed ventouse, failed forceps" - how many times could he have said "failed"? And of course it was a he!)

I ended up having another emergency section with DD2 and wished with all my heart that I had taken the elective section.

I also realise now how ridiculous those thoughts are when I look at my lovely (now adult) kids.

I hope you get the birth you want @concretevase and that you make peace with it because how matter they come out, they are incredible and so are you!

My own father told me that csections were the ‘easy way out’ and had to backtrack fast when I had to have one. There are people that push this narrative and it’s ridiculous. It’s still major surgery.

The only thing that is true is that yes you won’t experience a vaginal birth so will have to come to terms with that. But a huge % of births don’t end up being ‘natural’ anyway. Since having my DS by induction then section it’s hugely opened my eyes just how few women actually get the ‘natural’ labour experience. Inductions and csections are so much more common than NCT leaders will have you realise. I wish they were more realistic with women from the start. My midwife met me choose my ‘birth preferences’ (water birth, only gas and air etc) like I was choosing toys from a catalogue and I wish she had been more upfront that I might not get these and discussed what would happen if I didn’t.

I have had three sections - one emergency and two elective.

I really grieved my idea of ‘birth’ first time round, but when I wrapped my head around that neither the baby, nor I, would have made it without a c section it shifted my perspective.

My two subsequent elective c sections were beautiful - immediate skin to skin, delayed cord clamping and my babies first feeds were when I was still in theatre.

We all have an idea of how we want our birth to go. It very rarely goes according to plan. Among my friend circle I know someone who birthed vaginally at home with only her husband present, several who had midwife assisted vaginal births both at home and in hospital, a few who had emergency sections and others who chose to have sections for a variety of reasons. We are all mothers and all have valid (if different) experiences of womanhood.

Your feelings are important and you have every right to feel upset if things aren’t the way you imagined or wanted them to be. But please don’t allow yourself to believe that having a c section makes you any less a woman or any less a mother. It doesn’t.

I can understand disappointment over not having a vaginal birth. But not everyone is lucky enough to do it. All that really matters is there’s a healthy baby and mother at the end.

@BouquetGarni224 the non emergency sections undoubtedly save lives because most of them will still be necessary for the health of mum and baby. Eg if you have a breech baby the section will be planned but still needed.

There’s a whole other hierarchy where some people hate on mothers who have a planned section and not an emergency one.

I was in my late 30s when I had my children, so perhaps it is just age thing, but I don't know anyone who didn't have a horribly traumatic birth or c-section. I don't know anyone who had a good experience whichever way the baby came out!