C Section is 'not a real birth'

Hello, I had your experience almost exactly. I had an EMCS due to a failed induction for DC1 which always made me feel like I had failed and had not given birth 'properly'. I then had to decide on whether to have an ELCS for DC2 (also due to GDM so it was a week or so before the due date - the other option would be another induction). I went for the CS and afterwards I found that it had helped me make my peace with the first experience. I am not sure why but suddenly I could see clearly what I knew logically - the baby arrived into the world safely; I gave birth to it; that's all that matters. I really hope you find the same applies for you. Best of luck.

Is this like saying an IVF baby isn't a " real" baby? 🤷‍♀️

2 X vaginal deliveries and one owner of a bladder prolapse and a hemmerhoidectomy I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
No way is easy, no way is less of a woman.

...can't wait to do it all again next year 🫠

My view as well. I’ve done it both ways. I had almost as much trouble healing from a second degree tear as I did the c section. I know what you’re feeling - I was devastated when the obstetrician said that a c section was best, but it was straight forward and I stopped thinking about it very quickly.

I would respond very badly if anyone suggested that I didn’t give birth properly/ fortunately nobody did.

You ask how do you rationalise your thoughts. I think one way is to reframe the situation and think how lucky you are to live in a time and place where c sections are an option and where we have the luxury of worrying about having a 'real birth'. Millions upon millions of women whose only option in any circumstances was to 'push the baby out' would think you are so fortunate to be able to have a c section.

I didn't.
My children were surgically extracted from me.

Delivered one still born child vaginally
Had subsequent c sections to live babies
I can tell you how babies are delivered makes no odds

But you DID give birth!!

wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy, birth and baby 💐

To make matters worse I have convinced myself that if I don't push a baby out I am missing out on something about womanhood.

You aren't missing out on anything at all, with the possible exception of a whole heap of trauma and birth injuries. Seriously perineal tearing is a very common thing and even with prompt stitching can take a very long time to heal properly. I couldn't sit down comfortably for around 6 months and I am not exaggerating.

It sounds like you had a really traumatic, lengthy experience with your first that resulted in a horrible emergency c section.

The best way to reduce the risk of you ever having to experience something like that again is to opt for an early elective at something like 37 weeks.

My 1st was emergency csection, 2nd I opted for VBAC but he was a very last minute elective section. Very fast recovery, home after 1 night in hospital and picked my toddler up as soon as we got home. How to rationalise it? Simple. I have 2 beautiful children (now in their late teens). I don’t think about how they arrived at all now. They arrived, safely. Nothing else matters.

I had 3 vaginal births and then 2 csections. 1st c section was elective and the 2nd was emergency. Personally I found the emergency one easier because it was quick and ds was born about 20 minutes after the registrar shouted "theatre now". Also I was in hdu for 2 days so I got an extra 2 days in bed before I had to be up, sterilizing bottles and walking what felt like miles to neonatal every four hours. With my elective I was sitting there worried and hungry/thirsty all day until at 11pm they decided it wasn't going to happen so I had to quickly eat and drink something before going through it all again the next day. I found recovery a lot easier with my vaginal births too. C-section is definitely still a birth. I just found it harder but there are loads of people who think c section is easier.

Hey hun, I'm sorry firstly that your first birth was so traumatic and secondly that your feelings have been dismissed as "nonsense" or "rubbish" in this thread! 😒

Of course you want whatever will get your baby here safely and it's OK to be sad about not having the birth you wanted. Two truths can exist and once.

I never had a c-section however I did really want a home birth and to labour spontaneously, but due to complications I had an induced labour in hospital. I was devastated leading up to my induction and even now when I hear my friends talk about their spontaneous birth stories it still stings. But I that wasn't to be our story. I love our story regardless and I hope this time round you will too.

Everything is going to be OK. Discuss your concerns with your consultant/doctor and go over your options again. You are going to absolutely smash this birth and feel like the embodiment of womanhood when you're holding your baby 🩷

Please let us know how you get on x x x

Then you were incorrectly advised.

With mu first I had an episiotomy and a third degree tear. I had a ecs with my second. My first wassail a toddler who had chicken pox the week we came out of hospital and dh had started a new job so could only take two weeks off work. I had no real support from family. My second was easier, a million times less painful and I recovered in every way a hell of a lot quicker.

You are not missing anything. Your health and that of the babies is all that matters. Technically a c section is supposed to take longer to recover but i know many who have had bad birth experiences. I would choose a section any day.

Best of luck, please don't even think about it.

I had a c section due to preeclampsia 34 weeks with ds. I had to deliver a 20 week miscarriage vaginally last year and it was horrible. I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and will be requesting another C section. I don't want the trauma/risk of a vaginal birth

Also, it’s much easier having a planned c section if you have other children.

You know the exact time and day of your op well in advance to plan childcare. You know that your DH is not going to be in the hospital for hours and hours. My section was planned for 10am. We dropped off my toddler at a friends at 8:30, got to the hospital for 9, had baby in my arms in recovery room by 11. DH went and picked up our DD around lunchtime and brought her in to meet the baby.

We probably wouldn’t have been able to do any of that had I had a natural birth. It would have been chaos.

Would you say women who don't have a baby at all are missing out on womanhood?

No, you wouldn't. So neither are you by having a section.

A birth is a birth. Doesn't matter how you get there, and no one has ever won extra womanhood points for the type of birth ☺️

DD suffers from extreme anxiety and was recommended an elective. She and her baby boy had a stress free birth and both of them are all the better for it. The health of mother and child is paramount when giving birth.

I always feel like the odd one out with threads like this. I elected for a cesarean first time round, no medical grounds (surprised how many people still don't know this is an option?), and it was amazing. I plan to do the same for my second.

I will never understand why women are programmed to think that unless they screamed for 12 hours and tore themselves apart, they've missed a huge, life affirming experience. The life affirming experience is becoming a mother - doesn't matter how you get there.

I've since spoken to loads of mums who had natural births, who tell me they'd wished they'd chosen an elective cesarean. I've not met one woman who had an elective who regretted it. Calm, controlled, easy recovery. Not to say that some women don't have incredible experiences with natural births - but I didn't want to risk the tearing, incontinence, loss of sexual sensation etc

I've had people joke that I'm too posh too push. My mother included. But honestly could not care less. My baby boy was born healthy, I had a wonderful experience, and healed quickly. That's all that I care about. I often feel these remarks come from women who deep down are envious that their experiences weren't so good, and this is their way of justifying their choices to themselves. Obviously could be wrong, armchair psychology and all that.

Emergency cesareans are completely different and shouldn't be thought of in the same category as electives.

A planned C section is nothing, I repeat, nothing, like an emergency one.

If all goes well, which it should, it will be a very calm, happy experience. I was in and out in roughly 40 minutes. Chatting to my anaesthetist and DH throughout about baby names, my child at home, the weather etc. Music on in the background.

I healed really well and much quicker than my previous natural birth. Felt some bruising around my tummy area but nothing else.

After my natural birth (lots of tearing and stitches) I was in agony going for a wee for weeks. Couldn’t sit down unless on a donut cushion, which made breastfeeding really challenging and uncomfortable. Don’t talk to me about pooing. I don’t want to think/remember the agony that caused.

In my opinion, there is absolutely nothing to recommend a natural birth. Yes, you will be missing out on things by not having one, but none of them are nice things!!!

Apparently a planned C-section is very different from an emergency one including the recovery, you know the date (unless you come early but they usually schedule early for this), how much care you need, and have time to put that in place. If you need paid help like a post partum doula, childcare for toddler or DH off work unpaid then do so even if you have to borrow money for it unless it will litteraly ruin you. Your health is worth it.

I'm having one as it's that or induction due to Gestational Diabetes and hypertension and after researching and discussing with my ObyGen decided it's the safest, most efficient and least complicated way with the lowest risks and distress to me or the baby. My initial concerns of not being able to breastfeed, not loving my baby as much (I know!) and the recovery have all been resolved with time and information.

Coming to this conclusion was helped along by my friend being refused admittance for 40 hours inc. active labour and involuntary pushing as her contractions were not close enough and then had an emergency C-section as the cord was around the babies neck. And on attending my first fetal monitoring session seeing a woman behind pushed out of the ward in cardiac arrest.

Two planned c sections and it has never occurred to me to wish otherwise.

Fast recovery and very little pain. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything in a negative way.

This with bells on.