To think it’s unusual to have a below average child if…

It’s a different world for them compared to us. Many high earners I know struggled to graduate from high school and never went to university. They have achieved so much. Agree with others that age 6 is too young to judge they have 10 years or more at school to go. And finding what they love to do is more important.

I understand why you say this but they will be fine.

Me and my DH are super high achievers. My DH was not at 6 years old. In fact, he has a learning disability. As an adult, intellectually and academically he is a high flyer. Not all of our children are this way. I'm more disappointed when people think that we have high academic expectations of our children because we are highly academic.

My children are who they are with all their strengths, weaknesses and unique gifts. Academic or not, they may be great chefs, artists, really good with hands on occupations like trades, good with animals, high emotional intelligence, good gardeners, whatever they want. They are not us and we just want them to be happy with whatever direction they take. My job is to help them find their direction, even if it turns out to be something unexpected.

The trap I am not wanting to fall into and have actively gone against, and which you might want to consider OP, is pushing them in academic directions if that is not their interest. It happened to me and I feel like I've always missed what could have been my true calling in occupation because of it.

With that kind of expectation and pressure it's going to be a burden to your kids. My boss' daughter goes to an elite private school and self harm is common place where there has been one incident a year for a few years.

You might perceive yourself to be a high achiever but what is that compared to say Bill Gates? Would you like to be constantly compared?

Be grateful they are healthy, that they are growing up to be kind kids, that they enjoy childhood. Being happy is more important as life is short.

Your expectation is that your child be above average at 6 because you and your husband were. The thing is though, I don't think you can directly compare. The focus during the early years at school has changed so what led to your DH being moved up a grade isn't necessarily what they focus on now. E.g. I think the ability to rote learn back then was more highly rewarded than now. Doesn't mean your child won't be highly successful and happy in life.

A friends child was behind in maths all the way through primary.
Somethng clicked for him in secondary and really excelled continued with a maths degree and pulled a first! Some are just late starters….most people excell at being very ordinary and lovely! What will be will be, as the saying goes? Have a 🍷

😄

If you tell them you love them and don't compare and praise them for there strengths its ok push them another story

I can see that practice and support will make a huge different at that age. I'm interested to know how that changes with time? My youngest has just finished y2 (doing fine academically) and we didn't do anything additionally with homework etc. I'm a big believer in the importance of play, curiosity, unstructured time etc and being child-led with learning. Lots of praticing each night feels like 'hot housing' to me. How do those oarents manage in secondary schools? We would visit museums etc, put emphasis in reading books rather than watching YouTube etc

I'm coming from the perspective some of my friends doing intensive 1:1 learning during covid lockdowns. The kids are then were then well ahead with maths/ phonics and bored when they went back but struggled socially. Do those kids rebel further on? Are they motivated to learn?

Perhaps it's given me a skewed view but I tend to let school do what's needed and focus on the enrichment stuff - music/art/sport outside school.i want my kids to be critical thinkers and problem solvers. They will desparately need those skills in the future.

I'm also coming from the perspective of working with recent graduates, those skills are in short supply.

Fucking hell. Talk about pressure. I am probably above average, DH sitting around average (actually above but laziness meant he didn't reach his full potential at school). 1 child absolutely smashing it beyond all expectations, GCSEs this year and if mocks are anything to go by 80% plus across.the board so a full house of grade 9s. I've done nothing to help this at all.
Smaller one at primary school still on or below across the board. Same genetics, same parenting for both. One got the rains and one didn't. They're both amazing though and the personality of the smaller one means they will go far I am sure

They might turn out to have very different interests and abilities to you.

@Maray1967 Exactly, your children have their own strengths that may be unrelated to your own.

I disliked physics and dropped it as soon as I could. I was reasonable at maths but dropped it after GCSE’s. Guess what my DD is studying at university?! 😂

Yes - my DS was not selected for the additional maths teaching to stretch the most able in years 5/6 whereas some of his friends were. Five years later he outperformed all of them at GCSE.

I’d echo other posts about spending time with your DC, reading with them, taking them to museums etc. Give them plenty of opportunities to learn and develop. They might turn out to have very different interests and abilities to you. Both of ours are very good at maths - I was ok at it, and DH was not much better. Neither of ours are remotely interested in what I teach at univ.

My DH and I could be described as high achievers academically and both have 'clever' jobs, however if our DC turn out to be average, that's absolutely fine with me - as long as they are happy well adjusted people that's what really matters.

I was pretty average at school by the way, even had to resit my GCSE maths, but excelled at university and have a PhD. So YABveryU to write him off at aged 6!

I was around below average until around year 11

Put my head down

1st in Cambridge

And first place in my year

So never too late

6 is so young

I don't agree with this at all

hear! hear!

I absolutely agree, and this reflects what I said above. As an adopted child, my parents only ever wanted the best for me (and still do) in terms of being loved and supported unconditionally. As my dear departed late DB was also adopted, we were both biologically unrelated, so totally different obviously, but the upbringing was still the same. Warm, loved, comfortable, happy, supported. We were so fortunate and it proved my parents only ever wanted us to be happy, no matter how we were.

Reported. Continued personal attack on me.

Poor kid

Reported. Continued personal attack on me.

My DH was told as a teenager that he was a "major disappointment" by his DM. 😳😞 Pretty harsh, he's done well considering what she said. 😱😳

My eldest DD is going much further academically etc than I ever expected and is miles ahead of both me and my DH intellectually. I guess she inherited the best of us both lol 😆 On a serious note, of course I'd love her unconditionally, and even if she'd not been such a high achiever or so lovely as a person.

I love all 3 of my DC for who they ar3, irregardless of their achievements or so-called shortcomings. If they are happy and loved, they will be ok. That is all that matters to me. If they become the next Nobel peace prize winner, even better... but they are loved no matter what happens.

I work in year 2 in a primary school. Our high achievers are the children whose parents get them to do their homework, practice their spellings, use the school's online learning resources, read with them every night, expose them to new material often, talk to their children a lot etc. if your child can read then they should be able to write and spell. If your child has good language skills they should have lots of good ideas to write down. It's all very easy at this point unless your child has learning disabilities. I'd say put in some more work at home if you want to give them a boost.

This is such a good point. This is my situation, and I’m so grateful that my DD doesn’t have to scrabble like I did, but I also get frustrated that she doesn’t have the drive I developed due to life being a constant scrabble to stay afloat. I just have to accept that, and to appreciate the many wonderful qualities she does have.

Just to throw a little bit of perspective on this, adopted parents don’t have the luxury of desiring our kids to be ‘mini me’s’. We just want them to be happy and try our best to negate previous trauma. If your child is happy, secure and loved, there is nothing more important.

Initially sightly bemused as to why you would report a post which merely quoted your own comments from another thread back at you however I understand why, on reflection you might regret those comments and not wish to see them repeated so that's absolutely fine.