To think it’s unusual to have a below average child if…

Very early days academically IMO.
Invest time with them with reading and math.
Instil very good habits like doing homework well and taking pride in their work.
These are the skills that elevate children in secondary school.
We have very average children that have done extremely well from the above.
A good work ethic is worth its weight.

Thank you @CassieMaddox you have just described my child. She is 7.5 hasn't coped in school and long story short has now been supported within her learning style not pushed to 'fit' another for the last 2 months. Has gained half a year (ok from between 1.5 and 2.5 years behind). I suspect no child is 'stupid' but I do think many are not taught or supported in a way that fits their learning.

Without that in place how does anyone learn well after all. It's taught me a valuable lesson or several and I am sure more to come.

I suspect Op husband was fortunate his learning style matched his school. His gender fitted that which the teacher expected to succeed and was selected as a pupil who would succeed. Conscious and unconscious bias has been evident in our experience with two schools.

We've done 30min reading with him each day since he was 4 and 1 hour of homework. I give him extra homework to do, not just what the school give. We have raised him to still learn throughout school holidays as 1 hour per day isn't alot. (During lockdown he got 5 hours of teaching my myself and husband)
He's 9 now, he's academically where he should be tho is presently 3 years ahead on maths and 1 year ahead in literacy. He's also GCSE level for Geography but that's mainly because my degree is in Earth Science and I've taught him well.
We spend alot of time on educational trips and holidays but he does have fun too. He likes skiing, swimming, playing roblox etc and he goes to fun places all the tike like disneyland etc. We are just very lucky that he really enjoys learning and maths his his favourite thing to do.

Haven't read all responses but I get why you may feel this way if that's the way you were brought up. High attainment can be genetic though it can skip generations. My dad was insanely clever while my mum was average and I took after her and had to work really hard to get decent grades. 6 is very young and yes, we can gauge some level of 'natural ability' at that age but so much can change. You seem to expect a lot at a young age. Is the social circle you're in highly pressured too? I met a lady recently who said her son who is in private school was tested at 3 years old to get in, and tutoring started at 6. Ridiculous IMO. The pressure to be a high achiever in some circles is insane and I know very academic kids even in early teens who can't socialise at all so don't know how they would ever be a boss or in a high management role as their parents expect them to be.

Most of my siblings are very academic. One brother hated it and he’s a builder. He has a decent job, lovely girlfriend and he’s just as happy as everyone else.

It rather casts doubt on the self-description all the same.

It also makes one wonder if the child would be doing better if he or she were exposed to better grammar in the home.

I know a similar couple, @bellocchild , both doctors. Their eldest is a mechanic. University wasn't for him, he was better suited to an apprenticeship. No SEN, he was wasn’t particularly academic, more practical. We’re all different.

I had a friend, a high-achieving medic married to a another one, whose first DD was accounted, at 8, very average. After they had recovered from what was a shock, they raised a happy and fulfilled daughter.

NRTFT so someone may have already mentioned it but it may be worth getting your child’s hearing checked. I had the same issue with my child at a similar age - not making expected progress - turned out there were some hearing issues.

That's not how genes work.

This is nonsense. These kind of grammar mistakes are very common, even among people doing very well for themselves.

Not very high achievers if you type 'Me and DH are...' I

It’s clear from this thread that everyone has different ideas of what high achievers can manage academically.

OP, With one controversial post, you have managed twenty pages of discussion - quite something!

I don't think it works like that. Dh got a first in his degree and has an IQ of about 130. I got a 2:1 and have an IQ of 99. So dh is a high achiever. Not sure about me though as a 2:1 is really good but 99 for IQ is very average.

Ds1 is on track for getting 3 A's in his a-levels. Ds2 is predicted to pass all but 2 of his gcse's. Ds3 is bright but has adhd so gets distracted. Ds4 has moderate learning disabilities. Ds5 is working a greater depth for maths but is also "working towards" for about half his subjects. So older 2 are high achievers but the younger 3 not really. Ds4 is the best at socialising though out of all of them.

Oh and I could technically be classed as a high achiever - I've never really thought whether or not I am or given myself that title.

I did will at school, won a few awards, graduated with a 1st class honours degree. Have a well-paying highly respected job.

So if that means definition then I'd be "high achieving"

At my DDs parents night I'm more interested in whether there's anything she's struggling with. Once I know she's "on track" and there's no concerns with her ability that need proper attention, I'm more interested in whether she's happy in school, has friends, is kind, polite, helpful etc

She seems to be "average" in terms of maths, English etc. But she's happy, friendly, popular, described as kind etc so I'm more than happy

So you're considering neurodiversity purely because your DC is ONLY performing averagely academically. At 6 years old????

Shame they don't assess parenting ability/performance. That would soon knock you off the "high-achieving" pedestal you put yourself on.

How sad and shallow are you. I'll just leave that there!!!!!

@MrHarleyQuin I think in her case the assumption & reality was her children were tough, intellectual, social & strong like her/her husband. Her approach seems to be paying dividends.

I have/had a softer approach but those with more authoritative parenting styles seem to raise happier more successful children IME.

Yes, if "pushing" doesn't suit the child.

I have one who pushes herself so hard at times that the main thing is to get her to chill out a bit.

And another who needs encouragement, but shuts down if it's too much.

I have this, I am averagely bright but excelled at school as worked very hard. My oldest is also averagely bright, but puts in minimum effort. I'm not frustrated by her average ability, that's inbuilt. I'm frustrated by her lack of effort, when she could do really well but just can't be bothered. My parents came from very little and early on instilled the importance of hard work to do well. My girls have had a much more 'comfortable' childhood and I wonder if that hasn't motivated them to strive as hard?

I know of a mother who did well at school but felt she wasn’t pushed hard enough to excel. Her plan is to push her own kids much harder in Primary with the hope and assurance they motivate themselves in Secondary. They are undoubtedly bright. Is this wrong?

Good advice in the previous post.

OP, I'd wonder what makes you so sure you are a high achiever? Most people are average, but a bit of luck and circumstance helps them excel.

I work in an area that is typically considered high achieving (having a PhD is a minimum requirement). Most of the people I work with are average, but they had very good circumstances. Fortunately, I think most also recognise this rather than have very high opinions of themselves.

@Kegas I've no idea if you're still reading as you haven't posted in ages, but it may he helpful for you & DH to actively consider what 'success' looks like for you. Is this different from 'high achieving' or the same? Is it based on being academic? Being widely read & having a massive spread of interests & general knowledge? Is earning lots of money your only metric for achieving highly? Does participating in a competitive sport at a national or international level come into it?

And what is success? Is it completely linked to your answers above? Or is it finding the unique interests that someone has as an individual? Is it developing them to the best od their ability-even if their ability is average or lower? Is it about having good social skills and being a good friend & kind to those who aren't friends or who are demonstrably different from themself? Is it about being resilient in areas they find a struggle, but putting in high effort & being persistent anyway - even if they will never be top of the class? Is it about trying enough creative & sporting activities to identify something they LOVE? And something THEY feel good at? Is it about finding a community around you of like-minded people & contributing to that community to help you feel good about yourself & give back, rather than only doing things that benefit you as an individual?

If your only definition of success is high schoolwork achievement & landing in a high earning career, then your child is far more likely to be a disappointment to you & not "successful". As others have said, they will pick up on that (if they haven't already) and it will result in some significant development problems for them!

It's been pointed out already that your child will have spent 2 of their most formative toddler years with lockdowns & lack of social interaction going in around them. What did that look like for them? Are you key workers & they continued in nursery/at childminder with other children throughout? Did you both 'high achieving' wfh full time for the duration? Did you already have a live in nanny so their care wasn't disrupted? Or (like most of us) did you have to rely on electronic babysitters to pick up some of the slack to make work commitments possible? Or was one of you a sahp, or furloughed, so they were lucky enough to get loads of direct input from a parent throughout that period-but it naturally focussed on what that parent is interested in & good at? At 6 this whole generation has an array of (very different!) development gaps - please support that rather than writing them off!

Can you check yourselves now and put some steps in place to help your child find their own successes? You say they are 'below average' in sports - in Year 1 I don't know many schools which report progress or provide the opportunities to tell this, so is that based on you trying to hothouse DC in a sport one or both of you excel in? If they're not a young Messi/Jonny Wilkinson/Michael Phelps at 6, maybe try them in karate, or street dance, or trampolining or tennis or ASK them what they'd like to try instead - so they don't have to suffer every Sunday with you two on the touchline telegraphing your deflation in them!

Also be very aware of the conversations you have within earshot of them on playdates, especially if you naturally gravitate towards being that competitive parent who always compares notes with other Mums. I know far too many Mums who have talked about 'X's lack of confidence at leaving me to join in at the start of blah activity' or 'Y's struggle to settle if the class teacher isn't there & it's a supply teacher/TA/cover today'. Funnily enough the children DO earwig in & absorb these opinions about themselves & it multiplies up!

So see if you can take a step back & think about whether you can help your child to develop some interests of their own, and support them in trying a wider range of activities outside of school until THEY find something they feel good at & enjoy doing. It might be drama, music, gardening, cooking, knitting, cubs/brownies, watersports, litterpicking, choir, who knows?... do they have the space & opportunity to try enough different things to find out what they LIKE?

If you've been too busy trying to make them into a cookie-cutter version of yourselves, they might not even know what they like or what they're good at yet - let's face it, at 6 there's still a bit of runway to find out! Help them in that...

My friends lovely Dh was expelled from primary school for bad behaviour. Lovely guy partner in a top law firm now. A lot can change!