To think it’s unusual to have a below average child if…

6 is too young to tell how academic they are. My DD had to some tests with the ed psych when she was around that age, the tests put her at average in some areas, below average in others. She's 13 now and won an award for highest grade average in her class. They change so much as they grow, children that are far above average at that age might end up being average once they're teens, and other children can struggle more in school in the first few years then things start to click and they come into their own. And of course there's all kinds of ways to excel, not just academically.

Sorry pressed send too soon.

To cut a long story short- excelling early in no measure of how well a child work do later on. It works both ways. I've seen 'slow' starters absolutely flourish and real high flyers crash hard during teen years.

Your child is fine. At 6 they have all the time in the world.

Its about working smart, not hard. Being productive when you need to be. I don't exactly flog my guts out and earn a very good salary. It's certainly not "a grind".

6 is much too young to decide if they're high achieving or not.

Take it from me, who has a 19 yr old DD and a 17 yr old DS.
At school my DD was a high flyer. She excelled at everything. Reading, writing, Maths and Science. Parents evening at Primary school was an absolute delight. She was also extremely confident and had very different likes and interests from her peers. I was beyond proud of her.
Secondary school was a different matter. She excelled in nothing and started to struggle in Maths and Science. Her confidence diminished with her peers from puberty. She was talented at drama but it gave her anxiety so she didn't pursue it.

She's now a trainee paramedic and has just passed her first year, not with 'flying colours' but a good pass. She has found the academic/science part extremely hard but as worked hard at it. She's already been in scary situations that I wouldn't know what to do in. I'm honestly beyond proud of her. How she is as a person and how she tackles things.

My DS was pretty average at Primary school. Again, extremely confident and creative. At the beginning of secondary his confidence grew and he did drama and comedy. He was extremely popular. Then puberty hit. He became socially awkward, appalling at sports and reduced his friendship group. He struggled with Maths and Science but absolutely flew in English and History. In GCSE's he scrapped a pass in Maths and Science

6 years old?! Yes YABU.

Lets hope he doesn’t grow up to want to become a bricklayer 🤣 op would disown him.

I was just about to make this point. I have met many senior board members over the years who are not particularly bright, and that’s being polite.

I put YANBU because intelligence is biological and environmental but then I read your kid is 6 so you’re being really silly 😂

Good god. I hope you don't express these feelings to your child.

Kids learn at different paces, my "below average child with considerably above average intelligence parents at age 6" is now an adult, has an excellent degree and doing a very unusual job, think one that it cited as an indicator of being really hard and complicated, not rocket science but similar!

At age 12 she began to pick up, not younger

Right, I'm going to take my horror and sideline it for a sec.

My son is a very academic kid, high achieving and motivated. Parenting him to excel is a piece of piss.

My DD is different. She does okay at school but her heart is somewhere else. I'm a better parent for having had her, and she's taught me that the important thing is finding their passion and chucking everything you have behind that. Nurture the person they are!

I feel beyond sorry for your child. How absolutely awful to judge a 6 year old against your expectations of what they should achieve. You need help.

We need to give children the space and resources to find their niche. The world is full of averagely high achievers who were never going to set the world on fire but were bright enough (and their parents had sufficient resources) to be "hothoused" and ended up with boring degrees from relatively good universities and a job in something like conveyancing or the civil service which provides quite a nice life, but they're bored out of their brains because it isn't their passion and they've never been given space to explore what makes them passionate. At some point we need to ask what the end result is that we are pushing our children for.

It is unusual tbh.

ours aren’t at school, lots of my family aren’t academic but are very able / skilled in non academic areas

id be surprised if my children werent

what support do you give your child? What level of involved you have in their learning?

Or maybe just try to deal with your ego issues, OP.

Also wanted to add, just because you are high achievers doesn't mean that you are highly intelligent.

Some people become high achievers from lots of revising, extra tuition, working over their paid hours. Whereas others just 'get it' and don't need the extra time to study, revise or work. Yet, on paper, both would have the same results.

Agree with this.

I actually think the most important things you can learn at school aren’t the subjects themselves. The most important things are learning how to work hard, and learning to be nice to people.

If you can nail that, you’re winning.

Just to add that any natural ability your child may or may not have can only flourish with support and guidance from parents. Ask yourself if you are really doing everything you can to enhance and encourage your child’s education. Or are you leaving him to it because you believe he should naturally be able and you are too busy with your apparent high flying careers.

I've been a primary school teacher for 26 years.

I have often had to inform high-achieving/middle class parents that their child is average. It's very common for them to immediately ask if their child can be tested for dyslexia; as though that can be the only explanation.

I think being a parent means you start to analyse and maybe lay aside what you thought was normal and standard. And that’s hard.

DC (7) processes numbers and words differently to me. As it happens he’s also very bright, but it’s a different type of bright to me (and DH) at the same age. I don’t have that inner window to how he learns that I was expecting.

I was shy at that age. He’s not.

I react quickly and tend to bear a grudge. He doesn’t. I have never been sporty. He is. I’m musical. He’s not. It’s been a learning curve. And I’ve learnt from him, while tailoring our activities to how he thinks and his interests rather than mine.

There are times when I discover I’m mourning what I expect to have been doing with him based on what I enjoyed as a child. I’ve also discovered new interests and new ways of looking at things.

If you look around you you’ll see several cases where the children are very different to their parents. I can think of two talented football players in my circle whose son trips over his own feet. An outgoing, musical friend whose daughter is neither.

But we do all learn from each other and get to see first-hand other ways of being.

At 6 I really wouldn't panic, OP. Children develop at different rates and at their own pace. Some children achieve at typical levels and then accelerate later. Others seem advanced at 5/6 and then level out. Some will remain average. At this age, their birth month can make a big difference to achievement levels; the impact of autumn v summer born will even out over time.

FWIW, DH and I would probably both be considered academic high achievers -DH has an Oxbridge degree, I have one from a top RG uni (not that it was the Russell Group back in our day!), we have done well in our respective careers. And our eldest July-born DC really really really struggled in Reception/Y1/Y2. We'd have been delighted with average! He was bottom table for everything, needed lots of interventions, eventually managed to reach academic averages towards the end of Y5/6, only really hit his stride academically in Y8. But he ended up with excellent GCSE and A level grades and is currently doing well on his chosen university course. If you had told me all this when he was 6 I would literally never have believed you.

It's a marathon not a sprint, as the saying goes. Keep supporting him and enjoying time with him, be proud of him, tell him you're proud of him. Instil a good work ethic, encourage him to enjoy school, talk to and read to him lots. He'll get there.

Not at all! I live in a University town where it's really common to have two extremely high achieving parents (lots of Head of Uni department/hospital Consultant combos) and for the children to be behind, because they are ND. The parents are often ND too (in a more 'high functioning' way) which is what helped them achieve their career success in the first place!

Chill out huni x

It can work the other way too. My parents were very average at school and so was I. My two younger siblings were high achievers and nobody else either side of the family were academic.

A lot of kids change between 7-11. But you aren’t unreasonable to feel what you feel.

time to reassess. You clearly had just assumed academic work would come easy to your child, it won’t. So you might need to push more. Hear your child read daily, play maths and word games. (You might even need to join the mums who listen to times tables in song form in the car).

budget for tutoring in secondary, consider it from year 4 onwards anyway for maths and English. Do they play an instrument? Learning to read music helps with maths ability.

your child is not you, good grades won’t just come easily, that’s not the same as saying good grades are impossible.