To think it’s unusual to have a below average child if…

You should be ashamed of yourself to think this let alone write about it. I imagine most readers were thinking 16 not 6.

I'd back down now before you cause real damage.

Why do you think they are entitled to be high achievers just because you & your husband were?

I work in reception.
Out of a class of 30, only 9 parents read with their child or do the homework.
Only 4 of those children's parents go the extra mile and do extra learning.
It does make a big difference because teachers only read with your child once every few months and you'll be lucky if a Y.A gets around to reading monthly with them for 3 or 4 pages. Every week, we will teach something but we live on quickly and often before they pick it up. But we do find the parents who are drs etc drop their children off for breakfast club and pick them up at 6pm from after school club, but are usually too tired and busy to do the work with their kids so often the children from this type of family do fall behind.

I wonder how ‘Bella’ is now, I’d like the author to do a follow up!

I also remember that article from years ago. Poor Bella!

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/apr/22/why-isnt-my-child-clever-as-me

This article in the Guardian has stayed with me. As a society we do put a lot of value on intelligence, and then pretend we don't. You are allowed to mourn a little the vision of your child that you had. But, just as you might get a reader not a footballer or a scientist not an artist, your kid isn't your vision for them, they are their own person. I watched my friend made miserable because his father wanted him to be an accountant and have opportunities he hadn't.

Yes I fully agree. I was just pointing out that I don't think she was using the terms neurodiverse and learning difficulties interchangeably.

I doubt you need to be booking mini-breaks to Rome to assist your DS (and what's wrong with going to Silchester or St Albans or Chester - lots of Roman stuff in Britain). Reading is a good idea to keep going till ready to read by themselves. Try to avoid tablets/phones etc for as along as possible.
I too was a high achiever, though I did not go to grammar school. My mother taught me to read when I was about 4 and by the time I was eleven I was a voracious reader. I read to both my children - 7/8 books a day when they were small (I like reading!) - and both turned out fine, though I did minimal help with homework etc.

I used to do stuff with my stepdaughter in the holidays (summer slide is a real thing!) and do a bit extra with her because she was struggling in certain areas- she's dyslexic so needed more practise on her spelling.

Now my daughter is starting school we encourage her to do some pencil control activities (maybe 5 minutes a day) just so she finds writing a bit easier when she starts but I agree that on a day to day basis there's no real need or benefit to forcing endless hours of busy work outside school.

*aspire to

@montysma1 does anyone aspire or want an ‘ordinary’ life? A contented one I get, poss synonymous for some.

What's so wrong with being " ordinary"
Most of the population is......

@harrietm87 it goes on all the time ‘homework tutors’ are a thing. ‘I would stop it but he loves it so’. Etc. It created virtuous circles. All/most the smart London Prep top set kids are tutored. Not uncommon for some kids to learn next year’s material in hols. Hence faster & generally ‘brighter’. ‘New’ concepts are effectively revision.

Wow @User14March that’s crazy!

@MrsSunshine2b we obviously talk a lot to our kids, read to them, encourage their interests and I have no doubt they will grow up with plenty of “cultural capital” as a result - it was more the suggestion that the majority of parents should be actively teaching kids by giving them additional work/homework…that has surprised me as I don’t think any of DS’s friends do that, though I suppose I haven’t actually asked their parents…

@sixtyten tip of iceberg, college counselling later & SAT prep people can be six figures & no guarantees any more.

To be fair, being academically average is not an indication of Learning Disability OR neurodiversity. Most people are average!

Good grief.

@harrietm87 networking friendship circles, tennis, those that ‘know’ on Ivys. St Andrews etc. Etiquette classes at country clubs or similar, ‘bon chic bon genre’ instilling. Networking generally.

It depends on the kind of education you want your child to have. If your child is naturally academic, they might well do well at school without any parental involvement. At least at Primary level, they will only be assessed in English and Maths and will be taught at school, although you can help them improve at home. However, if you want them to be cultured, have a wide range of interests and a broad knowledge base, and to see learning as something that happens everywhere, that's something you need to be doing at home.

@User14March what is social intervention?!

@harrietm87 not quite same but my job gives me insight into world of affluent Americans. Nothing is left to chance & academic & social intervention starts early.

Slightly off topic but do you think this is a new thing or has always been the case?

I was an academic high achiever throughout school and university and my (single) mum did absolutely nothing extra with me. I loved reading and read loads for pleasure (by myself), and then was very self-motivated when it came to revising for exams at secondary. I went to grammar school, got top exam results and then a double first from Cambridge. DH has an almost identical story.

DS (just finished year 1) is doing really well at school and other than reading daily we do nothing extra with him. I had assumed that (as was the case for DH and me) his natural ability plus school was enough…do we really need to be doing lots of extra work with him? This is all completely news to me. I thought parents only did extra work if their kids were behind or if they wanted them to get into a selective school (which we don’t).

You don’t say if your child is a boy or girl?
in general boys tend to be slower on reading and motor skills initially but usually have caught up by the age of 7 or 8.
try not to worry,it usually works itself out.Pushing children beyond what they are currently capable off can put them learning for good.A bit more time to master these skills can work wonders.

yabu. DH and I are average intelligence wise but neither of us did well at school, very much “under achievers” 😂. Not been to university. We have a very successful business, own our house outright and another house outright and have done since our early 30’s. Being a “high achiever” won’t necessarily give you a better life or make you richer! Long term I teach my very under achieving children to be kind, work hard and always try to do their best.

Mumsnet is full of posts from adult women who are still craving the approval of their parents. My heart goes out to this poor child, she will know she's 'not good enough' in her parents eyes from the 'well done you did your best', or 'you did very well darling' type comment.