To think that wedding s never used to be such a ‘thing’?

My eyes were opened to today's excesses when we attended the wedding of one of our nephews, the first we had been to for ages. Big stately home type place for the venue, miles from where most people were coming from so guests had to fork out for not particularly cheap overnight accommodation. Loads of extras, e.g. free gifts at every table placement, an ice cream cart dispensing free ice creams, and more besides. It was all lovely, but these were two teachers starting out on life together and I couldn't help thinking how all that money could have gone to better use for them.

@FloordrobeIsGoingToGetME - totally agree about 'lifestyle meth' and people having to do more to get the social media hit.

Madness.

I think you'll find WE have also been talking about the 80s... For example:

"100% mortgages were fairly uncommon even in the 1980s, although they definitely were available. I think the earnings to house price ratio was fairly similar for both properties we bought in the 1979s and 1980s as they are today. I often see people commenting on their mortgage repayments on Mumsnet, but back in around 1980 when we bought our second property, our mortgage cost us £600 per month, which was about 75% of our take home pay, and inbetween exchange and completion, our mortgage interest rate went up to 18%. It came back down reasonably quickly but stayed at 16% for a very long time. A single figure interest rate was something that people in my generation could only dream of."

We married in 96 and in 1994 the marriage act was amended to permit other venues to have a licence.

We looked at 2 decided against it. However it was possible then. Just not as many places you could do so.

Husband was divorced so I couldn't have a church wedding. They don't do bells at registry offices.

Oh yeah photographer wasn't cheap either but the photos were very good.

This post is ABOUT THE 90s, not the 70s or 80s. And I don't disagree about the negative equity. However, it was easier to get a mortgage IN THE 90s.

Really?

Why?! 😂

My FIL is a bell ringer so we had to have bells!

Weddings have ALWAYS been a massive things, at least in some circles. To push it to the extreme, a royal wedding has always been an insane event, but a whole village celebrating wasn't a small thing either. It was easier to feel special in a church. Lovely building, bells ringing beforehand letting the whole world know you were getting married, photographs outside the church, with everyone coming to catch a glimpse of the bride.

I really regret not having bells at my wedding

I had a school leavers prom (definitely called a prom) in 1992 and a post A-Levels ball in 1994. Both were in formal dress but there were no limos and all that jazz. Or prom queens and stuff like that.

More fool him

We had a destination wedding because we didn't want a big fuss, I wore a £30 summer dress. This was nearly 20 years ago, my friends were having nice church and/or hotel weddings around this time, not over the top lavish but lovely with all the trimmings. It was purely choice for us, we wanted a beautiful location and very low key wedding. An expensive floofy dress worn for half a day would have upset me.

I think big fancy weddings are a thing and they have been for a very long time. Particularly when Father of the Bride wants to give his Darling Daughter the princess day of her dreams.

I think a lot of people who got married 30+ years ago are quite jealous of the weddings people have now and wish they could have had the options we have now.

I think people are waiting longer and paying for things themselves now, so why shouldn't they spend it how they want? People spend a decade or longer saving buy a house, get married and have a baby - it's hardly surprising they want a bigger do than a 21yo with mum and dad paying.

@TulsaGirl 100% mortgages were most definitely NOT the norm in the 1970s and 1980s. I don't know about the 1990s, but maybe that's why so many people ended up in negative equity and had to sell their houses at a significant loss and rent instead. We got a 100% mortgage on our first flat in the late 1970s and we were the only people I knew who had been able to get one - all of our friends had to put down at least 10% deposit. We got our mortgage through the Greater London Council and I'm not aware of many institutions, other than some local authorities, who were prepared to loan that much.

I spoke to a chap recently who had remortgaged his house to help give his second daughter "the wedding of her dreams". He'd contributed towards the first daughter's wedding but she had wealthy in-laws-to-be who ponied up most of the cash so he 'only' had to pay 10k towards the £40k budget.

Daughter number 2 didn't have the wealthy in laws so he was told he had to match the budget for her sister's wedding to make it fair. He had to stump up £35k hence remortgaging.

Now that is bonkers.

I hear about weddings from people at work - one had hundreds of people to a chateau in France for several days, another went to Italy for a 10 day wedding event, it's all totally mad! It must cost a fortune to host, it definitely costs a lot to attend and it's completely over the top IMO.

When I got married it was in the country I live in, people were invited for the service and an evening do and we paid for all of it. People could stay and pay for themselves or go home, either were fine.

OP, your wedding sounds lovely, don't compare it to the madness of todays Bridezilla. They're mostly insane and probably making up for something lacking elsewhere in their lives. Nobody needs a 10 day foreign extravaganza to plight their bloody troth FGS.

And on the back of 100% mortgages came negative equity.

I can't really vote either way. I don't think it's a good idea for people to spend more than they can afford or to show guests such a lack of consideration as you sometimes see reported on these boards.

We went to a lot of weddings in the 00s and 2010s,and one recently and I've never been to a bad one. Mostly in the 00s they were quite traditional like ours, church wedding, we had drinks and canapés after while photos were being taken and an evening reception locally, John Lewis gift list. IIRC the licence system had only just been opened up from the usual church or registry office choice. Ours cost about £9k including the honeymoon and we had120 guests. We were both in professional jobs though in our twenties and could have afforded all of it but our parents did pay for some which was really kind.

I had a Monsoon dress in the sale which was also the first one I tried on - bought as a "just in case" but didn't find anything nicer and got a dressmaker to fit it like a made to measure dress. Got veil, tiara and shoes off eBay so they were not expensive. I actually spent more on my bridesmaids in Coast! MIL made the cake and thousands of canapés which was so kind. We spent hundreds on flowers and cars- had a 1925 Rolls Royce. Bouquet was black baccara roses with massive pink peonies and purple lisianthus. Had my make-up and hair done professionally.

Really appreciated all the homeware gifts as although we had already bought a house together and lived together we still had lots of cheap stuff from student years* and it was nice to get proper grown up things like matching plates!

*In fact I still have some items from a kitchen utensil set from Woolworths in the 1990s. And my mum's rotary hand whisk which is about 60 years old (and very useful).

We did leave the reception about 11pm to go to the hotel. Didn't want us to be too knackered or drunk 😉

Of The weddings I went to in the 90s most were like the OPs, fairly straightforward food, no free bar, not particularly fancy venue (Village Hall or pub) - dress was sometimes the trad white dress, other times not.
I went to a couple of posh ones, but that was it.

I do think ppl are upping the stakes now. Heard of one couple getting married in a castle- the parents (who aren't hugely well off) bankrolling it.
Bonkers.

Same with the OTT hen dos and the baby showers. Why?

I don’t think I’ve seen a bride and groom go off like that ever well apart the my one old money family friend.

Today everyone stays till the bar closes in the hotel and the couple jet off a few days or weeks later. No consummation by the beach the night of 😅

At The start of the 1990s, the average house price was roughly six times the average wage.

Easter Egg Hunts -yes
Baby Showers -no
Christmas Eve boxes - no
Elf on the Shelf - no
School Leavers Proms -me , six form party , dc. - prom (sixth form )
Gender reveals - no (weren’t told the sec in the hospital I went to either)

Out of the list, I had Easter egg hunts on the garden. Did the same for my dc (now in twenties).

Prom - we had six form party. Just wore normal party gear, nothing extra special. No limousines etc. Dc both had proms.

None of the other stuff was ‘a thing’ in late nineties.