To think that wedding s never used to be such a ‘thing’?

I also got married in 1990. No meringue, no bridesmaids, no morning suits, a small wedding, reception in a house owned by a catering company, no evening do and left for honeymoon from the reception. Ours too was a wonderful day.

Ha, ha - I think you are wrong. I think a lot of people who got married 30+ years ago were far wiser than a lot of people now, who as others have mentioned are far more focussed on the wedding than the actual marriage.

We could have had a more lavish wedding than we did, but we chose not to. Nothing to do with not having options, or not being able to afford it, we just didn't see the sense in wasting money on ONE DAY. I look at the extravagant self-indulgent weddings some people have now and shudder - and not with jealousy.

Years ago people wanted to get married, nowadays people (well let's face it mostly women) want to have a wedding. I'm not saying everyone but weddings costing a person's annual salary is not uncommon, these aren't rich people, they are incurring debt or not saving for a house deposit for the "wedding of their dreams" having watched too many tv shows, reading about celebrity weddings. The law changing to allow registrars to go to hotels etc changed things too.

Weddings were much simpler affairs in the past with church/village halls and rooms above pubs being the norm for a function following the service which had to be either a religious one or at the registry office until the 90's.

As long as people are happy then it doesn't matter however we notice (as I host weddings at my church of course) that the bigger the faff they make the more likely they are to split up sooner rather than later - that's 25 years of anecdotal evidence nothing else

A friend of mine got married on a shoestring. It didn’t last.

We were talking about hen dos at work. A few of us in over 50 age group hadn’t had one, someone else older had a night out in local town. Totally different to multiple hen dos or abroad stag/hen trips that are popular now.
I have no regrets ours was low cost, don’t feel l missed out. I also have noticed that those who married cheaply have lasted.

@Serendipity12

so there must be something to the inverse relationship between cost of wedding and length of marriage that someone else mentioned here

There is indeed - someone even wrote a paper on the inverse relationship between the cost of the wedding and the length of the marriage.

https://www.csus.edu/faculty/m/fred.molitor/docs/wedding%20expenses%20and%20marriage%20duration.pdf

As DH and I spent the princely sum of $80 on ours, I fear I’m doomed for an eternity of ’wedded bliss’. Over 30 years in and I’m seriously considering a new patio.

I got married in 1990, in a meringue, one bridesmaid, no morning suits, had a bit of a malfunction with my tiara, reception in a university dining hall,no evening do, left for honeymoon from the reception. It was a wonderful day.

I had a lovely city wedding, registry office with a fab gastro pub/hotel for the reception. Less than 25 of us in total, no kids except my own 2, great food, plenty of booze, it was a wonderful day. We were especially happy and our guests all said it was a fabulous day because they were so well looked after.
We didn't ask for any gifts or have a cheesey poem asking for money.

All cost about £9k for absolutely everything from save the date cards to our breakfast meal the morning after.

No bridezilla behaviour from me, no hen do, no bridesmaids, no bullshit.

However, I'm willing to admit that because I was 42 at the time, I'm just past the bullshit of putting on a show. I think if I'd got married in my 20's, it would have been bigger because my life etc was different then but I'm pretty sure the debt would have outlasted any twat I dated in my 20's!

I've voted YABU because of your generalisation.

I would agree, there are some people who seem to forget what is actually happening when 2 people get married, and turn the whole event into an OTT drama.
I would also say that providers are shocking in what they charge people.
But, as has always been the case, some people have always spent vast amounts of money, some people have always got married for the price of the legal certification, and most people fit in the vast chasm between those two.

I knew lots of people who had evening dos in the early 90s. It was either held in the same hotel as wedding breakfast, or in local village hall, and generally consisted of disco and buffet. Often the food was home made.

I put YABU because your comparing your wedding to other people’s weddings

My sister was married in the mid 80s and she had an evening do - it was in a village hall, not fancy, but there was an evening do. Ditto every wedding I knew of.

People routinely spend crazy amounts of money they don’t have on pointless tat for everything related to getting married. It’s utterly unnecessary. You can still have a fab hen party and a beautiful wedding without plastic tiaras, designer gowns, trips to Prague, 14 bridesmaids, and the rest. High street wedding dresses are really lovely these days for a few hundred pounds, the only thing people really want at the reception is good food and plenty to drink, do your invitations online and so on. It’s not a competition, you aren’t a Disney princess, and no one else cares.

Just, for the love of God, stop expecting other people to plan verse as holidays in order to be at your wedding.

It all depends on the individual but some people still have low key weddings. I loved ours,

Same here, but I am not someone who really likes to be the centre of attention anyway. Parents expected a traditional church wedding but there wasn't much money to spare.

We had the ceremony in the village church, which is very small so that limited the number of guests. The reception was in the village hall with a buffet and some local ladies to serve it out.

DH and I bought a couple of cases of supermarket wine and some cheap fizz for the toast. When it came to the toast the serving ladies said they didn't know how to open those sort of bottles, so my two BILs (sisters husbands) and DHs two brothers immediately stepped up to help and ended up going round all the tables pouring out the fizz. It felt very friendly and family oriented.

My BIL and SIL had got married 6 months before us. It was about 2 years in the planning and her parents had pushed the boat out and gone for all the bells and whistles anyone had thought of in the 1980s. MIL confided later that she had enjoyed ours much, much more!

I'm so glad that I got married in the early 80s before weddings became such 'a thing'. The total cost of my wedding must have been around £1000.

My observation is actually that all the pressure for a massive wedding is coming from the older generation... but it's all anecdotal anyway.

My Nephew and his wife to be each had a week abroad, a weekend away in the UK and a local day out at the races and then on to a night club. They were only married 18 months.

I got married in 1981 the week after Lady Di and Charles. Wedding was in church as no choice then and all brides came down the aisle to 'Here comes the Bride'
Reception after at mum and dads house it was either that or local community centre. All friends getting married did exactly the same type of wedding. After the party went to new house as 'newlyweds' having never lived together, I would advise living together first now although worked out fine for us. Our first house we bought about 9 months before wedding with a £6,000 deposit and the price of house then was £26,000. The Building Society Manager made us top up to £6,000 as we originally had £5,000. Loved my Wedding Day.

I think remember people in tears at work forced to hand keys back life was so good then

What makes you think today's wedding aren't celebrating the relationship? They're spending more money than you because they are grown, financially independent adults.

I had a church wedding and a meal after for 50, we had the night do at our house for 120 people and I did the catering - thankfully weather ok and made use of garden area to fit everyone in!

YABU. I think weddings were always a big thing for people who had the money to make them a big thing. Just like now.

I think most don't realise how tight money was in the late 80s early 90s