DD’s friend ruined her shoes!

I’d say take this one on the chin but it’s a red flag in case anything else happens after this …. tell your DD that friends don’t do this kind of stuff and she needs to be wary. It’s so hard when the friendship groups split and they’re lonely. I’ve been there with my DD and it’s tough. I feel bad for your DD

She'll meet any more people like this friend and worse.
Teach her to deal with such situations as you/her can't control how other people behave.

This is not a friend . I hope your daughter comes to see that in her own time. So sad that she has been used in this way .

Why did your daughter lend her friend brand new trainers that she had never even worn. This is an important lesson for your daughter.

given that the friend has returned then in this state without offering money for new owns she clearly doesn’t care and is unlikely to do anything.

Pop them in the washing machine on a light wash

I don't understand any of this. Why did the friend want to borrow shoes? Does she not have any of her own? What did she turn up in, bare feet? And since when does anyone borrow or lend shoes?

One lesson has been learnt, and another will be learnt in due course:

1. Don't lend people things if they're likely to trash them.
2. The friend will learn that she treated your DD's items like trash.

This is a key time to learn.

If I were in your daughter's shoes situation , I'd tell friend that the trainers were brand new, never been on my feet, when they were lent to her, and now they're wrecked, so she needs to replace them!

Friend had trainers from new and they’re not new anymore.
Give trainers back to friend saying they’re marked and not brand new anymore
DD asks friend to pay her the cost of the trainers
Then DD buys new pair and learns not to be so passive next time

Why did your daughter need to lend her friend shoes? Does she not own any of her own?! Your daughter has learnt a valuable life lesson. Be careful who you lend your belongings to and what you give them to borrow! There's no way I'd have lent my friend a pair of brand new trainers, I'd never even worn. If your daughter drives, then she's a minimum of 17 years old, and capable of making her own decisions regarding her friendships. However, you need to perhaps give her some encouragement on meeting new people, so she can make new friends. I know it's hard, and I agree this 'friend' has been disrespectful, and not very nice but you need to keep out of it.

Not condoning the friends mistreatment of DD trainers - but really 'ditch her as a friend because of this'what a complete over reaction on your part. Hope DD doesn't take your advice.

My kids know I would never try to pick their friends but they all know my honest opinion of them. Encourage your daughter to mix more with people at college/work and you might find she finds better people to hang out with.

Oh 😂😂

yeah that's fair, must have been tired

If your DD lent her brand new trainers to her friend she was obviously going to wear them.
Lesson learnt, I can't think of a reason why someone would need to borrow a pair of trainers unless they had had their house burned down or their suitcase lost.

Shouldn’t have lent the friend new trainers.

She shouldn't have lent her brand new shoes and if she was collecting her from her own house why would she need them ?
Lesson learned don't lend her anything again. X

TRAINER wrecker.

she wrecked the trainers.

It’s all part of growing up to know who to trust and what a real friend is. Hopefully she has learnt a lesson and you can be supportive of her rather than telling her what to do. Maybe encourage her to find ways to make some more friends so she is not reliant on a friend’ who is just using her.

I think calling the girl a train wrecker is a bit harsh, she's a young girl, she has learning and growing up to do

The DD is doomed.
if she’s stays friends with the trainer wrecker, she’s allowed herself to be walked over.
If she abandons the friend, she’s allowed herself to be bullied by her mother (who is clearly overly imposing her views on her daughter).

Stay out of it. Let the teenager make her own choices and her own mistakes. That’s how kids learn.

Why doesn't your daughter return the trainers to this friend and say "Look, I "loaned" (use the air quotes) you my brand new pair of trainers and you hand them back weeks after I asked for them back in this state. I can't wear these so you'll have to pay me for them and you can have them back. I need you to transfer X amount to my bank account/Revolut account by lunchtime today as I have to replace these now and I can't afford to buy two pairs of shoes and only have one wearable pair."

Your daughter needs to toughen up and find her backbone here. Nobody likes being a doormat and being a people pleaser is not going to stand her in good stead.

She’s learned an unfortunate lesson but better she learns it now than in 10 years time when she’s considering lending someone something far more valuable.

Why doesn't your daughter ask the girl to pay for the shoes?

'Child'? Seriously??

The DD has passed her driving test. Talk about infantilising young adults.

I borrowed a very old copy of the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam from a friend's mum when I was about the same age and didn't return it.

I mostly just forgot because, at that age, I was so focussed on me I made stupid mistakes becayuse my priorities were wrong.

About 10 years later I came across it while moving house. I'd lost touch with them and moved far away by then but checked she still lived at the same addresss, posted it back to her along with a note apologising profusely for my selfishness and sent some flowers to go along with it. She sent me a lovely note back 'forgiving' me.

I have never failed to return anything ever again and take great care of anything I borrow.

My point is that sometimes we do stupid things at that age - things that do not show us in a good light but that are also not lasting aspects of our character.

If this friend is, on balance, a decent friend and this was a stupd mistake I'd chalk it up as such - and perhhaps it'd be a long time until I lent her something valuable again.