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Original poster

Parents new “friend”

545 replies

Itllbealrightonthenight · 25/07/2024 10:25

I feel uncomfortable about my parents new friend, let’s call her Tracey.
My parents are in their early 60’s, both retired and have plenty of friends and family around them. Almost overnight this Tracey has become part of their everyday lives. Tracey is 26 and according to her, has crappy parents which is why my parents have taken her under their wing. She drives to their house for dinner several nights a week, goes shopping with them, goes to the gym with Dad 3 times a week. I met Tracey for the first time recently and she was pleasant enough but dismissive of me and made no effort to get to know me. I made a conscious effort to get to know her and make her feel welcome - because my parents have grown close to her. But she wasn’t interested and actually made me feel like the stranger in the situation. To my shock she repeatedly called my parents Mum and Dad. That made me feel really uncomfortable around her and I’m suspicious of how quickly she has formed this deep bond with my parents. I can’t help but question her motives. My parents have accepted her life story as she tells it- a neglected child. But the reality is she’s 26, an adult and my parents don’t actually know her yet. She lives with her Dad who she says isn’t supportive. Her mother is elsewhere and she too doesn’t have a good relationship with her. Apparently.
Im suspicious about her intentions and also peed off that she and my parents have totally disrespected me by allowing her to call them Mum and Dad. They’ve known eachother for 6 months!
Thoughts?

OP posts:
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7
AllPrincessAnneshorses · 26/07/2024 22:21

Alectrona · 25/07/2024 23:00

@eggplant16
How are they "doddery"?
OP says they go to the gym, run a few times a week and are fully compos mentis.

On MN, every over 60 has incipient dementia and needs to be " told what to do" by their know-it-all offspring.
Fortunately, my children know better than to instruct me. They'd end up with some pretty fruity instruction themselves...

HappyMe6 · 26/07/2024 22:20

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Brats4kid · 26/07/2024 21:52

I would definitely being having a harsh word with your parents, and your extended family. Hopefully, she'll get the hint!

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 26/07/2024 21:44

Holdthisgoodweather · 25/07/2024 13:50

My 23 year old daughter met her at the same time as me.

Hang on.....

Your parents are in their early 60s, and have a 23 year old grand daughter (your daughter.)

I'm trying to do the maths here.

This means your parents became grandparents at 40, or even 38?
That's cracking on with it all pretty fast. Most of my friends aren't even (yet) grandparents in their early 60s.

So you gave birth to your daughter when your own mum was 38/39?

How old are you now @Itllbealrightonthenight

Edited

Not odd at all. My mum became a grandmother at 38 & a great grandmother at 54!

SusieTrevelyan · 26/07/2024 20:56

Please find out as much as you can about this person. It sounds very suspicious as if she is working her way into your parents' lives. Please make sure that she is aware of your presence and, if possible, go at unexpected times to make sure they are alright. Believe me, I have seen to much of this kind of 'grooming' and vulnerable elderly people being taken in for a lot of grief to follow. Please act now.

TeaGinandFags · 26/07/2024 20:52

lindyloo57 · 26/07/2024 20:09

This happed to my sister in law, her great uncle got taken in by a friendly lady, 30 years his junior, she empty his bank account over some time, there wasn't even enough money left to burie him when he died. My sister in law go to the police, but the lady said he said she could spend the money, so there is no evidence of theft.

IF he gave it to her, then she's innocent of theft. That's what makes it all the worse.

OP's parents are not vulnerable, apart from human vulnerability. I think that they like having a daughter figure on tap. If only she was a nice daughter.

TeaGinandFags · 26/07/2024 20:47

Talk to the police about your concerns.

They're better than any private dic and work for free. Chances are she's done this before and has a record. Conmen are good but have to start out bad as we all do. She'd have been done by now.

Sparla · 26/07/2024 20:43

If there are any friends of your parents at the party try raising it with them. They’re more likely to listen to a peer than their child - no matter how old you are.

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 26/07/2024 20:24

Definitely do a bit of digging around on her social media and internet in general

this is just me but I would either find out where she works, lives etc or get a PI

Louise303 · 26/07/2024 20:23

I would be very wary of her if she was just happy to be a part of there lives you are the last person she should make feel awkward. She could be jealous of you calling them mum and dad is ridiculous. You should talk to your parents about her behaviour and that it is odd. I would be doing some digging online see if any info comes up.

nildesparandum · 26/07/2024 20:17

Just tell your parents to stop all contact with this woman.It seems like she is controlling them. It is plainly obvious.

pollymere · 26/07/2024 20:15

I'd be making sure I saw them a great deal. I suspect the more you push against her, the more defensive your parents will get. Let her be wrong-footed and I'm sure she'll slip up. She is being deliberately provocative to drive a wedge between you and your family so don't react to that. And try to do some internet digging about her.

lindyloo57 · 26/07/2024 20:09

This happed to my sister in law, her great uncle got taken in by a friendly lady, 30 years his junior, she empty his bank account over some time, there wasn't even enough money left to burie him when he died. My sister in law go to the police, but the lady said he said she could spend the money, so there is no evidence of theft.

Spaniellover2 · 26/07/2024 20:08

LiterallyOnFire · 26/07/2024 18:18

It does.

Show quote history

Do you think this thread is fiction? If it is, then it is not funny. When I think about it, why would a youngish granddad discuss his Will with his granddaughter?

Lippylemon · 26/07/2024 19:55

So blood weird! I would be worried too

Blibbleflibble · 26/07/2024 19:52

Gettingbysomehow · 26/07/2024 19:43

Be very very careful. My ex husband who is 70 recently told my DS that he's made a new will and is leaving half his house to a friends daughter now aged 20 because she helped him through a dark time of his own making I might add. He's a fool. This girl was a baby when he had this hard time caused by his own stupidity. He liked to babysit for her because apparently he wanted a daughter not a son. They are not even in contact now. Dont let this girl worm her way in.
Luckily my DS doesnt need his money but he was still very hurt by this.

Who the hell lets a man going through a dark time babysit their baby daughter. 🤯 So sorry for your DS, and slightly concerned for the 20 year old he feels he needs to add to his will as she helped him through his dark time as a child.

I do think that's a different situation though as the baby didn't instigate getting into your exH's life and pushing out your son and she's no longer in contact. That's just more your exH being and absolute bastard and trying to hurt your son by "letting him know"

ElsieMc · 26/07/2024 19:51

@Cesarina - absolutely right!

OhcantthInkofaname · 26/07/2024 19:51

What does your sibling and other close family members think? Are they closer to the situation and know things you don't?

mumedu · 26/07/2024 19:51

Scammer

Gettingbysomehow · 26/07/2024 19:43

Be very very careful. My ex husband who is 70 recently told my DS that he's made a new will and is leaving half his house to a friends daughter now aged 20 because she helped him through a dark time of his own making I might add. He's a fool. This girl was a baby when he had this hard time caused by his own stupidity. He liked to babysit for her because apparently he wanted a daughter not a son. They are not even in contact now. Dont let this girl worm her way in.
Luckily my DS doesnt need his money but he was still very hurt by this.

Blibbleflibble · 26/07/2024 19:41

Haven't RTFT but the age gap friendship on its own wouldn't bother me as sometimes you just click with people but the calling them Mum and Dad, giving you the cold shoulder, getting added to the will and hitting on your daughter and making her extremely uncomfortable would send me stratospheric!

Would your parents tolerate a male friend of there's hitting on their Granddaughter to the extent that she feels too uncomfortable to go round anymore? Absolute madness, you need to give your parents head a wobble. I can't believe she's inbedded herself in so deeply that you're walking on eggshells to help your parents spot these red flags. 6 months and added to the will I'm absolutley gobsmacked, I don't like the speed of it all and I would actually bloody worry if your parents were safe.

Ihavesomeideas · 26/07/2024 19:37

I can't stress how important it is to stop this person right now. Keeping an eye on them won't help +it'll be too late. My family had a slightly similar story.My brother +sister in law fostered a late teen child. He was super intelligent spoke many languages +was a mentally unstable genius. He love bombed them changed his surname to theirs,called them Mum +Dad. He separated them from their family etc. Once he realised the Dad was onto him he put no effort into a relationship with him and concentrated on the Mother.In the end the parents divorced as he made their relationship impossible. He then got bored with no one to manipulate +left after verbally destroying the Mother.She ended up having a nervous breakdown+trying to kill herself. She's now trying to repair relationships with her adult children but it's gone too far. The fact that Tracy made no effort with you rung alarm bells for me.Do not let your daughter get pushed out.Get a private investigator onto her. Use Claire's law if you can. Can you go stay with parents for a while?

BlazenWeights · 26/07/2024 19:27

Just following out of curiosity 😃

boredybored · 26/07/2024 19:27

Do your parents appear to have lots of money ? As I a big house or fancy car etc. ?

This nearly happened with my aunt but we stopped it . She has no children and was vulnerable . Her boyfriend's family set their eyes on her estate . Fuckers !

Omlettes · 26/07/2024 19:26

Itllbealrightonthenight · 25/07/2024 10:47

Wow! Thanks so much for all support already. As I don’t know her at all, I can only tell you what she’s told my parents. I’m unsure what’s relevant but I’ll share what I know. She suffers with mental health, addicted to the gym and is very muscular, she’s gay, she has a job and a car. Her and my Dad met at the gym where they’re both members.
My parents are in great shape mentally and physically. Run a tight ship at home, run long distance, have plenty of friends and family. They could be mistaken for 10 years younger than they are. I wouldn’t say they are vulnerable but some people are clever enough to potentially exploit kindness I suppose. They have both recently retired and I wondered if Tracey is filling a void of some kind? I have one sibling and a wide extended family who all live locally. There are always family gatherings, lots of grandchildren. My parents don’t live a lonely little life at all.
I have said to my parents that I found it odd Tracey is calling them Mum and Dad. They downplayed it and almost denied it. So at this point I don’t think it would be wise to bring it up again because it will either fall on deaf ears or worse, cause conflict. My 23 year old daughter met her at the same time as me. Tracey was very flirty with my daughter which made her feel uncomfortable. My daughter told me yesterday that Grandad said he’s changing his will to include Tracey! She also said won’t be spending time with Nanny and Grandad if Tracey is there.

Its very odd, her dismissiveness of you is waving red flags

How could they think her calling them mum and dad is acceptable?