Parents new “friend”

I recommend it all the time for everyone as it’s so important, but did say in a previous post that I don’t think it’s really relevant to the situation in question.
But in general it’s something that a lot of people don’t understand. Nobody knows what’s around the corner and I think a lot of people just assume that their partner or family could make decisions for them.

It doesn't though does it - not unless you activate it? I trust my sons implicitly but I can still manage my own finances. However if I still had capacity but couldn't get out and about easily, I might activate if for my convenience. (This is the financial POA of course, you can't activate the health one unless the person does not have capacity.)

The posters recommending it (or strongly against) are thinking it will give OP control over their parents finances now though.

Really? I arranged POA in my mid sixties. Both my sons are attorneys. You have to be of sound mind to set it up (otherwise it's a lot more complicated). It's there when it's needed (which I hope won't be for a long time). If I had still been married I might not have - as your spouse is your NOK so it's not as critical.

My parents did not have POA and resisted setting it up even in their 80s which I thought was OK as they still had each other, but it did cause us some problems in the later years.

Massive red flags!!! And it's not like me to say that because I hate that saying!

Maybe call AgeUK for some advice? They must be able to help as this sounds like it could potential be very worrying.

She sounds like a cuckoo someone who inserts thereselves into a family they deem to be beneficial too them. They try to push out the true family members to gain favour and dominance. Its usually for some type of gain ie financial or will based.

As someone whose elderly relative gave power of attorney to their ex neighbour who now primarily lives in Spain, who has since written the family out of her will (although we all remain on good terms), I would be very wary of this. It's difficult if your parents are in good mental and physical health (ie they have capacity to make their own decisions and are doing so of their own free will), but you could check out adult safeguarding options in your area (council/social services) or talk to citizens advice. Good luck.

Would check 'Tracy" out with the police see if she is known to them. I would definitely keep a close eye on the situation and request that she does not call your parents Mum and Dad but either by their names or as Mr or Mrs surname. My MIL had a cleaning lady who used lockdown to Inveigle herself into her life. Had MIL bank card and pin. Told MIL that she was the only one who cared about her and started calling her mum. By the time we were able to visit mum the cleaner had managed to steal £30k out of her account. MIL insisted she trusted her until we got copies of her bank account. The cleaner had been taking MIL post. So start checking now Tracy definitely sounds like a con woman.

Sorry, missed that but regardless calling anyone a dull deaf old lady is simply ageist. I think I'm too used to reading posts which depict 60 year olds as past their best. In the vast majority of cases there is nothing further from the truth. Think Kylie Minogue in her late 50s approaching 60. An extremely vibrant healthy & sexy lady who looks after herself & presents better than many women half her age. We should stop being ageist & just treat everyone as individuals,some fitter than others at all ages.

That's two different posts you're confusing there.
OP's parents are fit and healthy, a different poster posted about her aunt (possibly?) Who she called a dull, deaf, old lady.

You're right to be suspicious! Do your parents have a nice house and some obvious money? I'd be watching for them changing wills etc if I were you

A "dull deaf old lady' who regularly does long distance runs & goes to the gym. Please give me half her fitness capacity 🤣as would many half her age wish for. I now think this thread is fake 🤦‍♀️

it was a fake thread, isnt it. Where is the poster gone?

I just find it weird that she wants to spend to so much time with a (lovely, but fairly dull, and rather deaf) old lady!

LOL this reminds me of a friend of mine who finds her uncle really hard work, she finds him dull and annoying.

I OTOH find him really interesting and entertaining. He's well read, well informed about politics and although he's got a bit of a yen for conspiracy theories, he's overall a sensible man with whom I enjoy spending time. But he's interested in stuff that she finds dull.

As she lives miles away I make time to go and see him regularly and I always enjoy our little outings. She thanks me for going to see him as though I've undertaken an irksome duty, which is how she regards visiting him. Whereas I consider it fun and TBH I would go and see him more often but I am conscious that the family (and possibly he) might start thinking I've got dodgy motives.

Irrelevant to this thread as I largely agree with what most people have said, that this situation raises red flags and the OP does need to take some action on it (having read all the suggestions I still don't know what), but I just wanted to point out that sometimes people outside our familly see our relatives very differently from how we see them.

"Bit off" =/= "Massive red flags".

"I find it very strange that a GF would announce such a thing to their GC at all"

Exactly though @LiterallyOnFire , if GF is telling GC this stuff something seems a bit off, no? Normal boundaries seem to have completely gone out of the window and only OP will know if this is out of character. There is absolutley nothing wrong with investigating massive red flags, I'm sure the police are assertive enough to say "not our problem" if OP contacts them and they feel its a waste of time or too premature for them to be getting involved.

An early sign of cognitive decline is letting someone in who you hardly know.

You are right to be worried.

i'm not sure what to suggest but good luck

You could try calling age uk in your area for some advice

You don't find "Dad" adding her to the will after knowing her 6 months and hitting on his 23 year old Grandchild past the point of comfort remotely strange? 🤔

I find it very strange that a GF would announce such a thing to their GC at all, TBH. It's hearsay. And flirting is subjective. Would you honestly repeat all this to a police officer as though it was of sufficient significance to take up police time?

If someone is being shady, you wait and watch and catch them doing something a bit more concrete.

That would work because it's the same photo. Reverse image search isn't doing an AI "looks a bit like" on the whole photo. Machine learning capabilities can find the exact match, but AI is only really capable of spotting products at the moment. So if you reverse image on a bottle of perfume it should do well, but not a human face. There are legal issues with facial recognition in AI for some purposes such as policing largely because AI is so bad at it that it needs banning rather than usage controls.

You don't find "Dad" adding her to the will after knowing her 6 months and hitting on his 23 year old Grandchild past the point of comfort remotely strange? 🤔

Oh FGS. All she's done thats remotely strange is refer to newish friends as "Mum & Dad".

The police will have to give up policing altogether soon. They'll be too busy processing requests for crime numbers for insurance and checking half the citizenry under Claire's bloom in' law.

Of course you are quite right. The intention of my post was not to suggest otherwise - I've held POA for my Mum for over 20 years. I was commenting on the frequent ageism that pops up on Mumsnet.

I gave birth to my first child when my mum was 37. I was just 20 and had been married for 18 months when I had my first child and she had had me when she was almost 17.

Im now 66 and my eldest grandchild is 19. But my first would have been about 23 if they had survived.