Parents new “friend”

I would ring the non-emergency police line. They were really helpful when I was worried about my parents being befriended recently. They are in their eighties and had some work done on the house. The builder asked them to show him round as it was so ‘interesting’ which they did. Then he started popping in for cups of tea. I made my parents promise not to give him any more work he may suggest, but they said he was just being friendly.

I Turned up unexpectedly when he was there and he made excuses and left quickly. The next time he turned up my brother was visiting and answered the door. Alarm bells rang when he told my brother he didn’t want to disturb the family, even though my parents were saying there was no problem, he was a friend now etc. but he said he’d come back when they were on their own and asked when that would be.

my parents have no cognitive decline, but are very gullible. And had already shown this man every room in their house. I logged it with the police as they are considered vulnerable and they gave me a personal number to call if he turned up again, and said they would do checks on him in the background. I don’t know if they found anything or just warned him off, but he didn’t come back for his next visit, and my parents haven’t seen him since.

They have no idea I called the police and would be really annoyed if they ever found out. They just don’t understand why their new ‘friend’ suddenly dropped them.

I think if you did similar you may find the police are interested due to your parents age and perceived vulnerability. They need never know you made the call, and if there is anything in Tracey’s background it will be flagged up. If not, at least there will be a record of your concerns and a reference number for you or any of your family to use in the future to add any further information or concerns to.

Good luck. It’s hard to go behind your parents back, but better than living with regret if something happens.

@Itllbealrightonthenight I have much older and much younger friends. One lady said I am like a daughter to her. I feel close to her, but I am careful to maintain appropriate boundaries. If she ever left me anything I’d be checking with her kids whether they were ok with it or not. I would not be weedling my way in and playing cuckoo in the nest, which seems to be happening from what you tell us. To be clear, my friends are exactly that and I’d be mortified if anyone thought I was after money etc.

sorry duplicate

Just bizarre. I would be beside myself.

My mother was always one to get smitten with any sort of novelty; I used to be jealous of the way she latched onto friends but was indifferent to us. She latched on to one woman my age and eventually persuaded me to recommend the woman for a job where I worked. She was hired and being a prettier, more outgoing type, completely eclipsed me in my own workplace. No good deed goes unpunished. I know mom gave her money, etc.

But it was not to this degree and eventually "Sarah" snatched up a high earner husband who worked for the oil industry and went off to "live the dream" in the US. Good riddance. She definitely was manipulative. Once she e-mailed me accidentally when she meant to write to a close friend; the tone of "voice" and content were so different than the "poor little woe is me" act she always put on for my mother and me.

A PI is definitely not an over-reaction if you can afford it.

Even if Tracey were pleasant, I'd still want to know more about this mysterious person who is suddenly central to their lives. The fact that she ignores you and won't speak to you is very sinister.

Just tell the investigator that the family is concerned about the situation, and wants to know more about Tracey and what her past is about. Maybe she's splitting her time between two or more "Dads" and spy photos of that would jar your parents out of this trance, who knows.

Are you sure it's not a romantic relationship with your Dad, right under your mother's nose?

“If you havent got yourself a Dad like xxxxxx you are missing out. But you cant have mine”

This sounds sociopathic, in the context.

Have you the means to hire a private investigator? Or even a friend or two who could follow her, and get her addresss? Definitely talk with the police; this could well be financial fraud or elder abuse. They might be able to look up her record, if any.

Do you think they are giving her money? Why the hell does she need an office in their home?

Actually, very similar to Apples Never Fall which started on BBC1 on Saturday night. I binge watched all seven episodes on iplayer. It is set in Palm Beach though so not a gritty Northern town.

Your story makes me sick to the stomach for you. It is like one of those creepy Netflix or BBC series (I remember the horrible churchgoer who "married" a man, befriended a female neighbour).

This Tracey must have form for this sort of thing. There must be a similar story in her past, which you and your brother are going to have to find out. I think you also have to be there for your mother, because Tracey is obviously the sort of person who, rather like a cult organisation, works on separating established family units. So she has separated your parents from the rest: now she will work on your dad.

I would try to point this out to your mother, because if you can successfully "predict" the future, she will be more inclined to get onside with you. At the same time, I think you are going to have to try and hire a private detective to dig around in Tracey's past. It is highly doubtful she has just become like this and not done similar things in the past. The way she operates, it is clear that she must have left a trail of broken relationships/families in her wake before.

I am sure we all want to help you very much, and I genuinely hope some other posters can make really useful contributions to help you. xxx

"My daughter told me Grandad said he was adding Tracey to the will. Or words to that effect."

There is nothing normal about changing your will so quickly just because a new friend has appeared on the scene. So Tracey must have somehow manipulated him into doing so. How many people on here change their wills because some (genuinely!) fab new friend has come into their lives?

Of course, I would be more concerned right now about money gifts already being made.

I agree with PP who mentioned that this will come to a climax. When your DF went to see the 'man about a dog' with Tracey, I suppose there was no suggestion of your mum going too?
Maybe Christmas will be the time it all comes to a head. I'd make it non negotiable that if you are to spend any time together as a family it's without Tracey. Get your brother on board too - wouldn't it be nice to see a big Christmas get together of your and your siblings families? And if your DF won't come if Tracey isn't invited - fine, but I'd be posting photos of the 'happy family Christmas' all over any family WhatsApp group. I suspect your DM is uncomfortable about the relationship and is trying to tread a careful line.

I'm sorry you are so hurt OP but can I explain my experience to maybe give you a different perspective.

I'm in my mid 60s and have only ever had 2 or 3 close friends in my life but have a very good female friend (best friend) less than half my age, we'll call her Kerry. I also have sons and daughters with my youngest child being slightly older than Kerry.

We met a few years ago through work and just clicked. She makes me laugh, we share lots of interests and are on the same wavelength about so many things. In return I also make her laugh and I think she values having someone older to turn to when she has ups and downs.

I 100% trust her and know I could rely on her in an emergency and I'm sure she would say the same.

Because of the age difference she also calls me 'Mum' and has sent me Mothers Day cards (her mother died when she was a child)

My relationship with Kerry is different to the relationship I have with my children and knowing Kerry doesn't mean I love my own family any less but I do seem to message and chat to Kerry more than I do my own children. Also like your father I would absolutely want to include her in any inheritance although I haven't got round to changing anything yet.

Unlike your father, I am aware that my children could find my friendship with Kerry threatening so I don't go out of my way to relay much about Kerry back to them although from the little they know they think it's strange that I get on so well with someone so young.

In my case geography means my children are unlikely to meet Kerry and as she is very different to my own kids I'm sure she would find them intimidating if she ever did bump into them. In return they would probably find her a little 'rough around the edges' (that sounds an awful expression but I can't think of a better way of putting it) and would not understand why we are so close.

I really value my friendship with Kerry and would be heartbroken if I ever had to chose between my children and Kerry. She definitely adds something to my life that I don't get from my family in much the same way any close friendship would.

In my case no one is abusing or manipulating anyone and neither Kerry or I have any sinister motives for maintaining the relationship other than we both find it beneficial, can chat for hours and enjoy each others company. Could your father's relationship with Tracy be similar?

My DC doesn't fit my IL ideals so basically is non-contact with them. IL lost interest anyway when DC started to question them - at about aged nine 😂

"There's no fool like an old fool". Your Dad is enjoying someone petting him and telling him he's amazing. I'd be sowing the seed in your Mum's head that Tracey might end up replacing her - not necessarily sexually but as your Dad's main focus. Because it's true.

Unfortunately there's not much you can do - your Dad has to realise he's being played by himself. Any suggestions on your part will be seen as interference and make you the problem. Your Mum might make him realise but otherwise it will be seen as jealousy. Hopefully something will happen to bring it all to a climax.

It’s looking like he really couldn’t give a toss about all of his family whatsoever- OP, her brother, her daughter and, if she dared speak out, also his wife.

This must be seriously frustrating for you OP. What a nightmare.
I think I’d be doing some digging to find out a lot more about Tracey. I don’t buy that she’s being manipulated by your Dad for a second though I do think they’re well suited. I feel sorry for your mum and she probably does need her interests protecting because it seems he will stop at nothing to continue this relationship with Tracey 🥺

Wow, this is so strange, this must be souls destroying, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your dad sounds narcissistic. My parents did the same but it was with a sibling, it was still very odd though and the dynamic of my family isn’t the same, I can’t imagine how you feel x

Wow this is messed up op I don't even know what to say! I hope he sees the light

I think you might just have sown a seed with your mum, but it may take a while for it to come to fruition.

Could you persuade her to seek further help from outside sources? I would start with a solicitor to make sure she can protect her share of any joint assets from being given to Tracey?

Tracey is a parasite, she has struck paydirt with your DF, who is lapping up all the fuss and attention. That relationship is only going to end when he realises he will lose all his other family and half his house, but you will obviously have to be much more gentle and subtle than that.

Playing Devil's Advocate.. If you think your dad is a narcissist and controlling could Tracey actually be the vulnerable one in all this??

Could you do any digging on tracey to see if she's done similar shit before?