Parents new “friend”

Honestly I'd be doing major snooping and checks into her background. Image searching on Google etc

Sociopathic behaviour around the social media posts of her with your dad really makes me shudder.

Yes, def PI.
the odds of a random lovely lady decides your DF and DM are wonderful family she never had -yet despite being lovely has no probs isolating them from their family - soooo suspect

I think this is a good point.

But I'd probably be past caring by this point!

I thought about this a bit more last night.

Any normal person would be beyond mortified to have caused a rift between a family. I think you would automatically leave and allow space for the parents and adult child to chat - They certainly wouldn’t leave you to eat alone while skipping off with someone else’s parents or drive around in their car knowing they’ve caused upset.

Her behaviour is ringing huge alarm bells purely by not caring at the damage she is causing. Calling them mum/dad/daughter horrifies me.

Pushing you, your brother and their granddaughter away for a stranger would be unforgivable to me.

This.

Deffo speak to police /age concern.... /Cab...

I'd be very interested in any previous history this woman has... Your dad could be one of many targets she has...

You say you don't do social media... I'd change this..... Check Tracy's LinkedIn....( Only access this from an account that doesn't have your name /identifying details on it... I'd set up an account in a completely different name.... Tracey will have an alert saying... Jane X has searched for you on x date.

With Facebook you can also see whether you share any contacts.... See what she has on her Facebook.

My own dad was scammed some years ago... Was completely groomed by local dodgy gang who had previous form... They were NEVER around when I was... I didn't know for months (despite many visits from me...) - it was only when a neighbor warned me about these visitors that I became aware... I had no idea he'd be so daft to be taken in by them.

I fear that by falling out with your dad you are giving Tracy exactly what she wanted - you out of the picture.

I would fake make up with him so you can keep a very close eye on her.

This is awful Op.

I echo the suggestions of reporting to the police & asking their advice. We had similar with my FIL and the police were great. Thankfully we got him to see sense in the end & got rid of his 'Tracy' but it was scary how quickly it all unfolded & she had moved in etc. Shocking!

Good luck & hope it all gets sorted for you.

This is just all so awful!!! I really don't know what I would do in your situation but the worry, frustration anger and confusion I would feel would drive me round the bend.

I don't have much advice but I am a retired cop and my suggestions are you report what you know as a possible suspicious incident. I wonder if perhaps a welfare check would be of any use or would it inflame things? I think as a cop I'd be going around saying it was an anonymous welfare check and hopefully interview this woman to get some details off of her to make sure that there was no financial abuse going on.
Failing that I couldn't bear not knowing and if I had the means I would def get a PI involved. Could your brother help out with the cost?

I think that's a good idea

Tracy knows exactly what she is doing. And she’s quite effective- thus far becoming insured on your dads Land Rover, being fed for free all the time, having a PT course paid for (I suspect you are right about this) and also I think you mentioned previously potentially being named on the will.

For your dad to block your daughter’s ?instagram in favour of Tracy is so so wrong on so many levels. You have my commiserations OP.

Your dad seems so entrenched in his own vanity/ego- he literally cannot see this for what it is.

I would also snoop as much as possible on Tracy. Any info you have on her - make a diary and log it all down so you have tangible evidence. Team up with your brother to decide best collective action to take.

And get cameras put up in ur parents home too. If all is well no one will
Mind.

Exactly this.
Follow her. Find stuff out. U will kick yourself if something happens to ur folk.

So many men go astray when their wives are pregnant, because they feel that they are no longer the be all and end all of their partner's life, but I'm now beginning to see this as your father, perhaps feeling unwanted because your DD has grown up and doesn't spend so much time with him, and his DW, is wrapped up in caring for her own parents, hence I'm wondering if he's actually trying to replace your DM with a younger model. He's gradually working her into his actual home, by giving her office space, but how long before he tells your DM that she's no longer required? I think this might be a conversation I'd be having with your DM in your shoes, if you can meet up with her while he's not around, and just float the idea, then leave her to think about it. If she's truly as involved with this woman as your father, then it won't worry her, but if she has just the teeniest doubt, it might be enough for her to put the brakes on.

I'm so sorry you're going through this experience OP, and really hope that something happens to show your DF what a fool he's being. I'm probably around the same age as your DM, and while I trust my DH as much as you can trust anyone, no one really knows what goes through another person's mind, so there is NO WAY, that I'd be giving houseroom to a younger woman that my DH introduced as a new 'friend'! I would always be worried that it was the thin end of the wedge!!

Actually Kerry didn't take money, I bought her things. But I take your point that I'm in my 60's so I must be vulnerable and am being manipulated by scheming young person who is after my wonga.
Ha she should have chosen someone with much more than me.

You can spend what you want on who you want as far as I'm concerned.
If you're happy that you're not being manipulated then that's great.

If she's happy with what you spent on her she doesn't need someone with more money does she?

The chance of one let alone both parents having a significant cognitive impairment in their early 60s is very low.

OP, your father sounds like a man who needs the adulation of a "little princess" who basically requires his help and looks up to him. Even though Tracey may be on paper an unlikely candidate for this, it's what she's doing and it feeds his ego, which is powerful stuff. I imagine you're seeing a side of his character that has never been fully displayed before, because he may have been able to have his needs met while your DD was still in that role. Now she's grown up and (quite normally) has other priorities, his self perception as the epicentre of an adoring woman's life has been threatened. There is of course your DM, but as "no man is a hero to his valet" few men retain the same sparkle and glamour after a long marriage and behaviour is according.

Tracey may be after a father figure but she certainly seems to be starting to benefit financially, in a way someone with good intent would simply not allow to happen. The fact she avoids/blanks you and other family members is not a sign she requires "family" but is threatened by you, possibly because she knows she is on the take and trying to push you out.

I think your DM is key and you, your brother and any adult grandchildren who can be drafted in to help need to lay it on the line with her, repeatedly, that Tracey's omnipresence is threatening family relationships, that your DFs attitude is very hurtful and his enmeshment with her is not normal or healthy. This may have to be done over a period, individually, and certainly separately from your father. I'd certainly make sure that any contact with your DM is well away from him, at all times and wouldn't be going to the house for more of the same treatment. Hopefully at some point it will sink in with her that she is risking the loss of her family by colluding with this.

Of course I might be utterly wrong but my gut instinct.

I know my children and know my daughters would probably feel rather jealous so rather than upset them I keep my family and my friendship separate.

Actually Kerry didn't take money, I bought her things. But I take your point that I'm in my 60's so I must be vulnerable and am being manipulated by scheming young person who is after my wonga.

Ha she should have chosen someone with much more than me.

Look around this forum, men in their early 60 or just tuned 60 are acting very bizarre to their children and wives

You have to go to the police and unfortunately, your mother's life with this man has to end. He is a weirdo and a creep ( even though just psychological ). Apparently he cannot live without having a young female presence around him. My advice is to get your mother out of his and Tracey's life. Let her take 50% before the whole lot gets spent on Tracey and your father's bizarre obsession with young females

I agree that age gaps shouldn't matter in friendships but I was aware early on that my children would naturally feel threatened by me having a close friendship with someone who was nearer their age than mine so I have kept the friendship and family in two separate boxes.

Why would they feel threatened purely based on her age?

Knowing Kerry's life story and knowing she didn't have the same opportunities and advantages my children had growing up I have helped her financially and did that fairly early on in our friendship. She never asked for it and I always had to insist but it was something I wanted to do.

Of course she didn't ask, of course you had to insist-but the end result was that she took your money!

People can get dementia/cognitive decline in their early 60s (and even younger). Especially Fronto-Temporal dementia which often starts at younger ages, mainly 45-65. Personality changes rather than forgetfulness in early stages.

This is really bizarre and you are right to be worried. It’s odd that she doesn’t want to get to know her new ‘siblings’ but wants your parents all to herself.

This does not sound like a real story. The parents are in their 60s and BOTH agree to changing their Will? They would need to be proper idiots. Does not ring true.

I would be more likely to believe it is an affair between df and T.

Your parents are early 60’s, and wouldn’t be seen as vulnerable by any agency.. They have chosen to have this woman in their lives, whatever you think.

It’s sad, but at their ages, it’s their choice.

I hope you don't mind but a few more thoughts from me,

Although it was a few years ago I met Kerry we clicked very quickly and I would have described her as a close friend within a few weeks. I was then in my 60s whilst she was in her 20s

I agree that age gaps shouldn't matter in friendships but I was aware early on that my children would naturally feel threatened by me having a close friendship with someone who was nearer their age than mine so I have kept the friendship and family in two separate boxes. That could be viewed as me being secretive about my friendship

Knowing Kerry's life story and knowing she didn't have the same opportunities and advantages my children had growing up I have helped her financially and did that fairly early on in our friendship. She never asked for it and I always had to insist but it was something I wanted to do. If my children knew I imagine they might conclude that I'd been manipulated in some way or maybe they'd be angry with me.

I agree your father has been incredibly insensitive. Yes everyone male and female should always put their existing families first but maybe your father thinks you have grown up just fine and you don't need him any more? You don't need to read many posts on Mumsnet to realise how many men don't prioritise their families if when they still have young children. I'm certainly nor saying it's right but sadly it is the case for many fathers.

I'm guessing throwing the remote shows your father is upset by the conflict although I don't think it's the best way to show you how much he cares.

You say, "The issue isn’t him having a new friend, it’s that his friendship is at the expense of his family. No matter his new friends age, or gender. If he was hanging out with a group of guys playing golf, we’d still be feeling sidelined and hurt by his prioritisation of the golf lads." I can understand that but it shows it's not just about his choice of friend.

From what you have written the scenario as I see it is something like this,

Your father is retired and has lots of time on his hands and your mother isn't able to share his hobbies and interests as she is tied up with caring responsibilities whilst his children and grandchildren have grown up and have got their own lives. He has met a young girl who isn't particularly mature but she shares his interests. She is genuinely interested and will listen for hours whilst he discusses his car and his training in the gym. Granted putting her on the insurance was again insensitive but I assume he would say that you've never expressed an interest in his car or appreciate how high spec it is. That's not a criticism of you, my eyes always glaze over within minutes when men want an in depth discussion about their car.

Anyway your father obviously gets a lot from Tracey and to his credit he hasn't been secretive about her. He has also involved your mother in this friendship which I feel is important.

I guess you all need to work through how he can balance his friendship with Tracey with the families feelings of being sidelined.

Of course I could be completely wrong and Tracey is actually a psychopathic manipulative killer from a Net flicks drama.

I genuinely wish you all luck in getting through this.

"Age and perceived vulnerability"?

The OP's parents are in their early 60s.