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Original poster

Parents new “friend”

545 replies

Itllbealrightonthenight · 25/07/2024 10:25

I feel uncomfortable about my parents new friend, let’s call her Tracey.
My parents are in their early 60’s, both retired and have plenty of friends and family around them. Almost overnight this Tracey has become part of their everyday lives. Tracey is 26 and according to her, has crappy parents which is why my parents have taken her under their wing. She drives to their house for dinner several nights a week, goes shopping with them, goes to the gym with Dad 3 times a week. I met Tracey for the first time recently and she was pleasant enough but dismissive of me and made no effort to get to know me. I made a conscious effort to get to know her and make her feel welcome - because my parents have grown close to her. But she wasn’t interested and actually made me feel like the stranger in the situation. To my shock she repeatedly called my parents Mum and Dad. That made me feel really uncomfortable around her and I’m suspicious of how quickly she has formed this deep bond with my parents. I can’t help but question her motives. My parents have accepted her life story as she tells it- a neglected child. But the reality is she’s 26, an adult and my parents don’t actually know her yet. She lives with her Dad who she says isn’t supportive. Her mother is elsewhere and she too doesn’t have a good relationship with her. Apparently.
Im suspicious about her intentions and also peed off that she and my parents have totally disrespected me by allowing her to call them Mum and Dad. They’ve known eachother for 6 months!
Thoughts?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Allthehorsesintheworld · 25/07/2024 12:36

Do you know what sort of work she does? That might give you another link to her just to talk about or even ask around about her.
Did she go to school locally? Do a search on local news sites using her full name and any variables on the spelling.
And I think you and your sibling could just have a chat with local police, she might be known to them.
Having a chat with someone you go to the gym with is normal, inviting them to a BBQ, maybe for lunch occasionally all sound normal. Several times a week and her calling them mum and dad definitely not.

velvetcoat · 25/07/2024 12:36

He also really didn't want to take the money when he found out about it

He didnt have to take it though did he? but presumably he did, right?
Sorry I am highly suspicious of this.

oakleaffy · 25/07/2024 12:32

S1lverCandle · 25/07/2024 11:54

In what context did they tell their granddaughter that they've included Tracey in their will? It's hard to imagine, really.

I hope this is a fantasy post, I really do.

But things like this do happen.

Dancingqueen18 · 25/07/2024 12:31

I cant believe you've stated your parents are fit healthy young looking people who go for runs yet there are posters intent on hanging their hats on elderly & vulnerable. This has absolutely nothing to do with the situation. I'd do my utmost to find out whats really going on here OP.

Original poster
Itllbealrightonthenight · 25/07/2024 12:30

@ExceptMyApologah

Thats a good strategy!

OP posts:
ExceptMyApologah · 25/07/2024 12:29

MissJoGrant · 25/07/2024 11:37

Why would she have PoA? Her parents are only in their 60s.

Show quote history

Mental incapacity can happen at any age.

@Itllbealrightonthenight rather than asking your dad about including Tracey in his will, perhaps questions that will put seeds of doubt into his mind, and that of your mother, would be a better option.

PassingStranger · 25/07/2024 12:28

It's hard to understand from the description of your parents that they are interested?

Watch the sixth Commandment on I player it was a true story.

Thoughtful2355 · 25/07/2024 12:26

I haven't read full thread sorry as got to go out, but happened to my friends grandma, woman talked her into putting her in the will then she would steal stuff from the house and request money. Was an awful time. Eventually she talked her into completely removing her actual child from the will. My friend was devastated

Original poster
Itllbealrightonthenight · 25/07/2024 12:25

I find all your outrage completely reassuring.
Lots of links to dramas and case stories, which make me feel sick! I will be watching and listening to them. These eyes are firmly open. And watching.
Can anyone recommend methods of search please? I’d never heard of cuckooing until one of you mentioned it.
I didn’t think it were possible to do a CRB check on someone, please correct me if I’m wrong.
I know where she works but that doesn’t give me much to go on unless I go and speak to her boss which I really don’t think is a good idea. Also if this person is manipulative, I don’t want my searches to be twisted and for me to be the bad guy.

To clarify, I don’t know if the will has been changed. My daughter told me Grandad said he was adding Tracey to the will. Or words to that effect. I’m concerned that if I directly approach my Dad and ask “Have you added Tracey to your Will?” he will become defensive. Hes a stubborn old goat and I’ve got to go about this the right way. And, as some others have said, it’s up to him who he includes in his will. I’m hoping that she does something to make him question her motives and so I’m inclined to let the situation breathe a little.
He adores my daughter and I think it’s a good idea to mention to him that she feels uncomfortable around Tracey.

OP posts:
Hobbesmanc · 25/07/2024 12:22

They are still relatively young and fit. Running, gym etc Lots of people still work in their sixties. I'm not sure with full capacity that the police will be able to do much without seriously pissing off the parents. Social services won't as they aren't vulnerable. Your parents solicitors won't discuss with you and why should they.

How close are you and your brother to them? Honestly? Maybe they enjoy this woman in their lives.

Dancingqueen18 · 25/07/2024 12:21

Itllbealrightonthenight · 25/07/2024 10:25

I feel uncomfortable about my parents new friend, let’s call her Tracey.
My parents are in their early 60’s, both retired and have plenty of friends and family around them. Almost overnight this Tracey has become part of their everyday lives. Tracey is 26 and according to her, has crappy parents which is why my parents have taken her under their wing. She drives to their house for dinner several nights a week, goes shopping with them, goes to the gym with Dad 3 times a week. I met Tracey for the first time recently and she was pleasant enough but dismissive of me and made no effort to get to know me. I made a conscious effort to get to know her and make her feel welcome - because my parents have grown close to her. But she wasn’t interested and actually made me feel like the stranger in the situation. To my shock she repeatedly called my parents Mum and Dad. That made me feel really uncomfortable around her and I’m suspicious of how quickly she has formed this deep bond with my parents. I can’t help but question her motives. My parents have accepted her life story as she tells it- a neglected child. But the reality is she’s 26, an adult and my parents don’t actually know her yet. She lives with her Dad who she says isn’t supportive. Her mother is elsewhere and she too doesn’t have a good relationship with her. Apparently.
Im suspicious about her intentions and also peed off that she and my parents have totally disrespected me by allowing her to call them Mum and Dad. They’ve known eachother for 6 months!
Thoughts?

I've no advice other than to say the whole situation sounds very peculiar. If your parents were in their 80s with cognitive issues you could justifiably intervene in their relationships. They are fit energetic age 60s people which is still relatively young so there's probably not much you can do. I would be straight with them & explain how this woman is making you feel ghosted within your own family and your daughter feels uncomfortable around her & wait for the reaction.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 25/07/2024 12:18

She’ll be after their money, sure as eggs is eggs.
I dare say your folks would hotly deny that if you said it now - let’s hope they don’t have to find out the hard way,

If it were me, I think I’d just say, ‘I hope you won’t be giving her your bank details,’ - and leave it at that, at least for now.

oakleaffy · 25/07/2024 12:16

@Itllbealrightonthenight Oh no....The will has been changed already??

The man I know who got the £400,00 flat texted me on Christmas Day a few years back to say ''Got my wish - {Address} is MINE.''

This woman is playing a long game.

You all having alarm bells, including your Daughter is very telling.

samanthablues · 25/07/2024 12:15

I would do a thorough investigation on her, social media, places she's worked and run a criminal background on her. With all this info on me I would go to step 2) Having a chat with your parents and expressing your concerns. She may be a good apple or she may be not.

TemuSpecialBuy · 25/07/2024 12:12

Jesus christ.
I thought it was a red flag from the first post but this is WILD

"Grandad said he’s changing his will to include Tracey!"

Shes a random he has known for 6 months...

I dont know what the answer is but i would be deeply concerted.
Id def Do police check and probably a private investigator if i could afford it

MrsMoastyToasty · 25/07/2024 12:08

To the PP who queried about POA. Age has nothing to do with it. Vulnerability and protecting OP parents does.
(FWIW I have held a POA for my DSIS since she was about 30).

Whatabonkersworld · 25/07/2024 12:05

LadyWhistled0wn · 25/07/2024 10:27

I'd be speaking to her dad and finding out more information she sounds like a con woman or someone mentally unwell.

Absolutely this! Definitely do a bit of investigative work. Does she have a job? if so where does she work and can you find out more about her there? I would also check her social media accounts and see what's being posted. Visit her dad and if you can find her, speak to her mum as well. It's so easy for honest decent people to be taken in and grifted. She may be genuine, but my spidey senses are tingling as well!

oakleaffy · 25/07/2024 12:04

@Itllbealrightonthenight My alarm bells are ringing off the wall here..

How much are they paying for?

A younger adult I know was given a £400,000 flat by an elderly man he'd ''befriended'' -It was a plan worked on by the younger man.

The birth son was shocked.

The old man was targeted by women, too.
Tapped for ''loans'' circa £26,000 {many years ago so worth more now} that were never repaid.

This woman has an agenda.

BettyBardMacDonald · 25/07/2024 12:03

Itllbealrightonthenight · 25/07/2024 11:44

Thanks so much for all the brilliant advice and shared experiences. Let’s not let silly people railroad a very helpful discussion for me.

Ive done as much online research as I’m capable of and I’ve found out where she works, the name of her mother and father. Nothing else.
Im dubious at this point to contact her father through Facebook because it could do more harm than good at this stage.
Theres a family barbecue in the coming weeks for my Dads birthday, no doubt she will be there and it gives us all an opportunity to observe and find out more information. My approach at the moment is to gather information before I can confront the situation with my parents, her Dad and possibly the police.

Someone asked earlier if there’s a chance of an affair. I don’t think so. She’s gay for a start. But my Dad has always preferred the company of women. He treats me like a princess but has a more firm approach with my brother. I do think my Dad likes to be the hero and Tracey is giving him every opportunity to be just that. I am very surprised at how unaware they seem to be about the dynamics of this situation. We’re all alarmed… why aren’t they?!

Thanks again everyone for all the advice, it’s hard to keep up with all the questions but I’m reading everything and it’s really helpful to me.

Can't you have a consultation with the police? They must have fraud investigators who can advise you and even do a bit of background checking. I'd be running there like a shot.

Reallyquitejaded · 25/07/2024 12:03

I thought cuckooing straight away! There was another case which was turned into a tv drama which sounds similar. I think observing is a good plan, possibly make notes of the small things that concern you and date them.

ButterCrackers · 25/07/2024 12:03

Be there every time she comes round. I bet she doesn’t live with her dad. Sounds like a scam. Take this to the police so that they are aware of what’s happening. Can you ask your parents if they give her money? Find a way to check this.

Notamum12345577 · 25/07/2024 12:01

RosesAndHellebores · 25/07/2024 11:59

I'd wonder if there's stuff your parents ts know and you don't @Itllbealrightonthenight. Could she be your father's dd, arising from an affair?

Ah, I was thinking she is the younger one in a throuple they are having, but now you say it, a secret daughter would be more likely!

WishIMite · 25/07/2024 12:00

This is very odd ideed, if true. I would confidentially speak to their solicitor and let him know about your concerns. I would also be googling like crazy.... including for her dad, who maybe has undertaken this sort of scam before as well...

BettyBardMacDonald · 25/07/2024 12:00

This is weird.

Your parents aren't really what I'd consider elderly but I guess anyone can be conned.

Second the suggestion of a private investigator.

RosesAndHellebores · 25/07/2024 11:59

I'd wonder if there's stuff your parents ts know and you don't @Itllbealrightonthenight. Could she be your father's dd, arising from an affair?