another MIL one

I think your kids are treating you like a cash point! The moment my adult dc started demanding my money and behaving as if they had an entitlement to it, would be the moment I stopped giving it to them!

In your attempt to be supportive of their life events, you've unfortunately created a situation where your dc are all desperate to make sure that none of their siblings are getting an extra leg up - it's not nice and it needs nipping in the bud.

I would remind my dc that they have received support for weddings or other events that a sibling has not, that treating children fairly does not mean always treating them exactly the same and that your money is not theirs to divvy up as they see fit!

And tell your husband to stop over sharing. Your finances are your own business - your kids do not need to know everything!

Of course ... but we are a few years away from that!

Just say it as it is then, you take GC to church and now you want to parade them around all your church friends in the way of a baptism. Your DD wouldn’t organise the vicar or church and nor would she throw or pay for a party, it’s your party so you are paying in order to make it happen.

But the justification your your other child is strange, you’ve essentially told them it’s essential to have cake after a christening therefore you’re paying for it, but cake for 1st birthday is optional. It’s a weird set of rules so I don’t think you can be annoyed that they didn’t immediately know this.

Obviously they are being unreasonable to demand money at all, but I do think it’s a bit mean to effectively punish those that choose not to baptise as their children won’t receive the same “help”.
I hope there are other milestones available for cash gifts that are not related to marriage and babies, for example achieving degrees or a promotion.

That's a perfect, suitable gift (connected with the occasion). I still have mine too (and made sure to keep my gran's when we went through her things when she died). Good that you are open to them choosing not to have a faith when they are older - best you can do while they are young is give them a good example about how to live a good moral life and see where they go.
I don't get the cake thing either - we had a nice cake for my daughter as my friend was doing a cake decorating course and wanted to practice. As for the booze - we had some Prosecco but just because we like it.

The OP does not understand that at all....

You and I don't want to get into- WOW can you not see what you have written, not very Christian of you.

I answered a point that you made and if you do not see the irony of it, then God help us!........

The party after is optional though, it’s got nothing to do with faith. A baby can be baptised without an additional party after of £250 on tea and cake.

So if it is his choice, why have him christened, you all should wait until he can decide.

I am not arguing with anyone, I am responding to your posts that you have asked for people opinions.

You are arguing about its not a party, having a gathering after a christening is called a christening party, and you are providing refreshments for, as I have said could you not just give money/help to your DS for their chosen occasion.

I personally would not bring my child into a church that I did not attend because I have decided that I do not want to practice the faith. It would seem that your DD is doing it out of duty and not faith. Once this christening is over I don't think your Grandchild will attend a church again.

That's all you need. A nice ceremony with close family and friends, some light refreshments after and your prayers. It's not Christmas or birthday, no need for gifts (and even that gets out of hand).

The christening is the celebration of faith, the party (tea and cake at £250.00) is not needed then, you have offered to pay for some of the catering which is not needed but you want to do it.

As I have said if you were buying a gift for your grandchild ie a bible, piece of jewellery then your DS and DIL would not have a leg to stand on but you are providing refreshment for the event after the christening.

Also as you have stated your DD has no faith and does not attend church why is she even having a christening, my bet is she wants a get together for the family to meet the baby. IE a party.

Yes as then its fair, which you have said that you are all for.

I do not understand why the need to contribute to the christening party anyway, £250 is a lot for tea and cake, its about the christening not the party.

A baby's first birthday party consists of £10 on cake ingredients and a bottle of cheap fizz.
You sound nauseatingly obsessed with spending money. Like my own mother.

You seem very focused on money, using the term "cash gift" so much. I don't know what my parents gave my nephew for his christening, if they gave anything at all. I also don't know what they gave siblings and cousins for their weddings, birthdays, Christmas. It sounds as though you make announcements of your largesse, which shouldn't be in keeping with your Christian faith....

I have had both my children baptised, and we are a churchgoing family. Made it quite clear that we don’t expect gifts and certainly not cash. Neither was there is big piss up party afterwards. I likewise don’t give cash for other children’s baptisms. Totally against the point of the occasion.
My DH was brought up catholic and he thinks likewise about first communions. Vulgar amount of money spent on a young child who barely understands what’s going on. He had classmates taken to Disneyland and given thousands as presents. I am CofE but we will have our feet firmly on the ground with our own family.