another MIL one

Your DS and DIL are the problem and will continue to be unless you learn to deal with them. They (unfortunately) know you have a nest egg put away which is being used to fund gifts/contributions for your children and grandchildren, they are determined to get as much of this for themselves and will use whatever means necessary to do so. Stand up to them now or you will be battling this forever. The money is yours, no-one should have any say is how it's spent other than you and your husband so please make this known. I've seen similar behaviour in my own family, my parents came into a lot of money through the sale of a business, my younger sibling and I are of the belief it has nothing to do with us but my older sibling has a very different view, he told me that he intends to get as much as possible from my parents despite having little affection for them, he chose to have little to do with our family after he married and despite years of effort we hardly know his children but once the money was in play his children visited my parents twice yearly, on their birthday and at Christmas, on the sole expectation of receiving a cash gift. Put a stop to the expectations held by your dc, the money is yours and you will decide how it's spent, maybe tell them you're planning an extended cruise til it's all gone, that might shut them up. And regarding new brand name clothes for dgc, make sure you spend the same amount on clothes for the others who aren't as fussy, my mother loved shopping in charity shops for children's clothes despite her wealth and my younger sibling and I were very grateful.

I paid for dgc baptism celebration.

2nd dgc has not been baptised and dd wouldn’t dream of asking for a cash equivalent. And she wouldn’t get it if she did.

So many dc think they have a say on spending their parents money.

You could take the approach that the party is mainly for your benefit (and the child's spiritual wellbeing) and as such you are contributing or even cohosting so that your family and church friends have a nice afternoon. If the other couple are likewise planning a party for your friends and family then you will host that party too.

OP - i think the problem is you’ve called it a gift. It’s not, what you are doing is catering a baptism party. This is a normal thing for grandparents to do, but it’s not a gift at all, it’s you covering the party costs.

if one of the other children as an adult decide to be baptised, you could throw them a party. If the other children are not baptised, they don’t need a baptism party.

you aren’t giving a gift, you are funding the after baptism party that is only needed if a child is baptised.

Yanbu

You are giving out help for set things.

Weddings, christenings, baby showers, gender reveals.

One off events (unless they have more children but still one off for those babies) giving money to support or pay for birthday parties are not one offs they are yearly reoccurring things.

@TheSpoonyNavyReader I really am not I'm simply trying to say... thank you!

You are the one being argumentative and confrontational..

Again THANK YOU

Goodness you seem a difficult person! Why the comment of I will be home soon if that makes you happier. Does it make you feel better?

I flagged it because some do not want to be identified by different user names.

@TheSpoonyNavyReader thank you I'm currently on my iPhone so clearly is logged in on that name...

I created the post on my PC... not really a fail just not very IT literate if it bothered me I would have panicked etc..

Feel free to report! I'll be back home soon if it makes you happier

You have used 2 different user names, your original post was in

itainthalfhot you are now using thursdaymurderclub, hence a name change fail.

So you have changed names. I was actually trying to be nice so all your posts are not connected.

@TheSpoonyNavyReader not really just different devices... if MN want to delete they can do.

My original post says name not changed... nothing to hide

Going back 13 years now my oldest was baptised, we have a big family and also the church is big. I think we were around the £300 mark for cake (one of the £50 Greggs ones) and food and refreshments. We then made a donation to the church as well. Similar with my middle daughter. Their Dad was a church elder though, my youngest hasn’t been baptised even though offered at birth and neither me nor her dad are religious.

Is this a Name change fail, you may want to ask MN to delete

The (adult) child demanding money for their child's birthday is the unreasonable one. It is your money and it is so rude to start putting claims in. My sister got married several years ago and my parents contributed significantly to this. I have no idea of the exact sum and would never ask. And I would never in a million years demand an equivalent contribution towards my personal expenses!

Make sure you have a will OP because when you/your partner pop your clogs, unless things are written down specifically, your 6 children are going to start putting in claims for future birthdays, weddings, holidays, driving lessons, parties etc before the money is divvied up or else the grabby ones are going to fall out over who gets the dining table or some other such nonsense.

@Newposter180 what do you mean how?

How do I know? My youngest DD is graduating in November... she is neither married, has a house or children.

Of course she will have the event marked in a way she chooses and we shall offer whatever help she requires and will receive a gift.. not always money?

Your question is pointless

YANBU. You contribute towards an event, so if the event doesn't happen then of course you aren't going to give them any money because they don't have the costs of the event.

They appear very ignorant and entitled.

I mean, you could give the dc with the baby's birthday party a cash gift, but then they'd complain if you did the same for your DD's baby because she'd already had help with the baptism. It's a never ending spiral of competition

OP don't get drawn into discussions about whether your grandchild should be baptised and the importance of whether your dd attends church - it is irrelevant. Your dd has decided to baptise her baby and that's her prerogative. You have decided to support her in that, which is also your prerogative.

Your other dc don't need the support which you are giving to your dd since they are not doing this particular event themselves. End of!
They just don't want your dd to get something they aren't getting. Even though they have no need of it. That's what you have to address - their sense of unfairness and entitlement. I'm trying to be scrupulously fair, you've inadvertently created a situation where some of your kids have become grabby. That needs shutting down.

How? Surely the vast majority of people would have academic achievements before marriage and babies? My point was just that relationships and family aren’t for everyone, it doesn’t make them lesser and other milestones should also be celebrated by wider family IMO.

Honestly no idea what you’re taking about. Are you the OP?

Where does it say she won't? I've clearly stated she asked how to do it?

Are my children now also not allowed to ask help?