Parents not wanting to parent/tell their child no

I am a secondary school teacher and think this is one if the broadest, biggest issues that causes poor behaviour. You can tell when a child has been brought up with firm boundaries.

can i clarity... is this just one parent/child or is this multiple parents and children? i'm getting the vibe that its the same parent/child each time and if thats the case, then i wouldn't be spending so much time with said parent/child if you do not like their behaviour.

what is the parent like with you when you police their child?

every parent, parents differently, just because you do it your way, does not make it wrong!

None of my friends' or family's children behave like that, and they'd be told very quickly to behave themselves if they did.

I wouldn't want to go out with families who allow that sort of behaviour because it would ruin every outing. Perhaps you need a different friendship group.

It's not just primary school kids. I used to work with nursery age kids and from toddler age you could work out which children were never told no.
All week was spent getting these children to accept meant no. By Friday they got it but our work was unraveled every weekend. Obviously not all the kids but quite a few.

Can't speak for all kids, but as a kid i remember feeling totally embarrassed being near other kids who would get tantrums because their parents wouldn't get them something. And then if they got it because their parents wanted them to shut up, I would give my mum a look ( my mum told me) and basically never be friends with them again.

I would assume your kids understand that deep inside. Keep doing what you are doing, and you will be pleasantly surprised with the quality of friendships they will be striking themselves when older.

If it is the friendship with the parents you want to maintain, I would just socialise without the children until they are older.

I completely see where you are coming from and find it absolutely infuriating when parents allow their children to run riot as my children get caught up in the excitement and I have to be really firm to get them to stop. I have no issues with telling their child no in that moment but just refuse to put myself in a position where I am the default parent for all the next time we meet up

I've been there, so i know it's unpleasant.

What you've described is literally why my young niece has decided against having children. She doesn't want to fight the tide of lack of parenting today.

🤷‍♀️

I had a coffee morning once where one of the children wanted to go in the garden. We were very obviously having building work done either lots of dangerous items and extremely muddy. Parent still asked if child could go out there. When I said no due to the above, she allowed him to open my cupboards and play with all my crockery - he smashed two items on the floor. No apology or offer to buy new although she did clear it up.

You're allowed to tell these kids 'no', even if their parents can't be arsed to do it themselves.

When they're breaking your children's toys, and messing around in your handbag, OP.

Give them an age appropriate bollocking - like you would to your own kids.

If you want to maintain the friendships then see the parents without their children. Also limit what you do with them, for example go to a park or playground where they can tear around and are occupied. Don't go to a restaurant where they embarrass you and don't invite them to your home if they don't respect it. If they go through your personal belongings tell them off.

Well you are just going to have to tell them no yourself but are you really wanting to go out in public into eateries where children are being total pests?

DB/DSIL parented in a very similar way. They split when the DC were small but then coparented well, but I think neither of them wanted to be the bad guy and tell their DC "no" to anything so the DCs wants and needs ruled the roost in both households. The way he parented split up at least one of his subsequent relationships as the DPs couldn't support his way of parenting. His DCs were academically bright and sporty but didnt understand boundaries and resisted them, and struggled at school because of this. Neither have fully fledged as adults because they don't think boundaries at any job apply to them and everything is everyone elses fault. They think the world revolves around them. It's an odd mixture of passiveness and arrogance.
It's such a shame as I remember them as such funny and happy DCs when younger but do think the lack of enforcement of basic boundaries with them when young has caused them long term difficulties.

Oh come on OP with the wide eyed "Are my partner and I horrid parents for raising our children with boundaries (their own while also respecting other peoples)? 🥺👉👈"

😂

Unfortunately this is common. Local pub has now banned children due to a few families who didn't control their children via the word no, even complaining at bar staff who did say "no you can't go behind the bar!"

You are the best parents, believe me. I've seen the 'products' of other parenting style you are describing here, and trust me when I say it - they are pathetically dim-witted. I used to work in Admissions Office in Russel group University, and oh my god, the toddlers and teenagers that I've seen vs their parents' parenting styles just explained loads to me.

Children must learn boundaries, feeling of frustration, the word NO, the appropriate behaviour in public and respect for elderly/older. And i believe you and your partner are doing exactly that.