Parents not wanting to parent/tell their child no

Saying 'no' and setting boundaries is exactly how you raise a child into a well-adjusted adult. The parenting you describe is common and sadly normal. It explains why there are a lot of messed up, selfish and flatout arseholes for adults today.

I don't schedule constant playdates, I find that helps, when I do I select locations like museums, galleries, swimming pools, soft plays and other public spaces. I have no problem setting boundaries for my kid, but I draw the line at parenting others children, setting boundaries for the world's children is not my responsibility - however dire the quality of parenting. Equally, I would not expect a friend to to parent my DD, that is a parents job. Without you knowing what is and isn't permitted in each child's home, there is an awful lot of assumption on your part. Obviously if YOU schedule a playdate at your home, its your rules, end of story. In my experience the most permissive parents are those who are overrun, and have found the leap from 1 child to 2 or more difficult to manage.

I can totally believe this. I'm sure those parents exist too - and being on number 4 myself I know how you can definitely be over it by this stage. However, I would never let my children behave like that - my fourth is actually very challenging to parent - very stubborn and difficult and made worse by being surrounded by spoilt children who are allowed to run amok so it 'isn't fair' when he isn't. The only solution is to distance yourself where you can - we do still socialise with these families but much less than we would. And try to spend more time with families whose parenting style is more similar and play dates are much more enjoyable.

I'm sure you know the answer. Presumably you did something along the lines of grabbing the wrist as it came towards your plate and saying "no thank you, I don't want dirty hands in my food". If they did it again, you presumably then said to your friend "can you please stop your child, I don't want dirty hands in my food".

If you didn't do the above. What did you do in this situation?

Incidentally, we also have a very high proportion of only children in his year - don't mean to be controversial and I know not all 'onlys' are treated like this but at this school they are definitely indulged and never told no!

What a surprise - the only group it seems acceptable to stereotype getting a bashing again.

@userloadsofnumbers my experience has been different - my friend with 5 kids just lets her kids scoot into coffee shops on scooters because it’s too much hassle to parent them to get them to stop this, as she’s her hands full. I think this is completely selfish and inconsiderate and would never, ever, allow my only to display such entitled behaviour.

I have name changed for this as it could be outing.

I experience this exact type of parenting with my two sister in laws. Their children come to my house, break toys, throw food, do whatever they want and act wild and their parents don't tell them off. I have had crisps thrown all over my carpet and stamped in, toys deliberately broken, my children hit/kicked etc. I no longer host as I honestly cannot cope with the stress anymore.

We now go out to places to eat/with the kids and it is no better. The last time, people actually moved away from our table due to their children's behaviour. They both think I am strict as my children will sit with colouring, wait for everyone's food before eating and not run around amok.

As the children have got older, my sister in laws have no control over their children. They do want they want, when they want. The children generally no longer attend family events as they would rather stay at home and can't be told they are going to do something with no consideration at all as to how it impacts others.

Everyone thinks their own children are perfect OP 🤣

My oldest child has trouble sitting still in restaurants. So we don't go to restaurants. No need to put them in adult spaces if I (and they) are going to find it stressful. If you/ your friends know your friends' kids struggle to sit still, why meet in that setting? Go to a park, farm, playground, woods, back garden or whatever where sitting quietly isn't a requirement.

Why would you let a child take the food from your plate? If this happened to me, I’d say “no, that’s not for you” and send them back to their parents. If they keep letting them wander, complain.
I have no bother giving out to other peoples kids when necessary, otherwise I’d just avoid and when relevant, complain to someone. If I fell out with the parents over it, so be it. Being around other kids is just part of being a parent and sometimes it’s a pia but it’s not as big a deal as you’re making out.

I honestly don't mean to cause offence - I know plenty of beautifully mannered and parented only children. However, this cohort do unfortunately live up to the stereotype - perhaps it's because the parents are wealthy and can easily afford to indulge their every whim, perhaps it's because many missed out on nursery (they are the Covid generation), perhaps it's because parents and children are getting increasingly entitled - I have 3 other older children and it's the first time I've experienced it so bad - there was always the odd one in my eldest year groups but it is now the majority rather than the minority. I am honestly shocked at how entitled and feral the majority of these kids are - the rule rather than the exception as it was 5+ years ago. It's my experience in the area we live in - it may not be the case elsewhere (and I really hope for the future of society it isn't!)

@userloadsofnumbers lazy single child stereotype alert.

Setting boundaries is, obviously, fine.

Needing to go online to get validation by getting a load of strangers to praise you and slag off your 'friends' might suggest you're not setting the best example for your children in all ways, though...

One of my son's friends (age 7) is so rude to his parents and they never correct him at all. He gets into trouble at school and his mum blames it on one of his classmates (X made him to do it). We have had playdates where he has screamed right in the face of my younger son (who was 3 at the time and burst into tears) or snatches/won't take turns or share, and she will always make excuses for him rather than telling him off (he's tired, late night, long week, end of term, early start, etc...)He screams at his parents when he doesn't get his way or tells them "we're going! Stop talking! I said we're going! COME ON!" and they just say "ooh, I think we'd better go". He has learned that sulking and crying get him his way at home, but other kids his age aren't interested in giving in so he ends up either crying/sulking on his own or screaming, shouting and lashing out. The kids are now 7 and birthday parties are tending towards smaller groups of friends rather than class parties and this child is increasingly not invited along.

I feel sorry for the kid.

Do you 'truly want to know if you're being unreasonable' or just want people to praise your amazing parenting? You sound pretty confident that you're right.

Interesting that you said one time one of your friends 'shouted' at one of your kids and you left immediately so they haven't done that again. I'd like to hear the friends side.