To hope I get pregnant even though my partner withdraws?

You think that you have fertility issues but your not willing to speak to a doctor about this. Your not insisting on medical tests to see what what's wrong and what could be done to help you.
Meanwhile your boyfriend does not want to use condoms and is using withdrawel method. Your hoping to get pregnant doing this and think he will be happy if this happens.
You know he does not want a baby now but wants to wait 2 years until you move to another country in Europe. Your not even married yet.

To be honest it all about him and his plans but the reality is that you need to develop some backbone in this regard. He needs to be told that you may have fertility issues and you need to try for a baby now. If your not pregnant within in the next 6 months go to your doctor and insist on tests. He will need a test as well. It can take time to conceive and for tests to be done. The longer you leave things the worse the prognosis maybe for you.

I had a friend who waited a few years after getting married before having a child as they had to sort out a house and both were working on their careers. She started trying for a baby, had a few miscarriages and ended up needing IVF. She had a child at 40 and 42. This was after several years of trying, tests and IVF.
Both her and her husband wanted a family and it was very stressful time for both of them.
It would have been far harder if she wanted a baby and he was fobbing her off saying we can try later after X or y.

I would not be possibly be giving up the chance of having a baby to suit this man.

@sadabouti I can assure you (again as a man) that he won't mind or feel abused.

So glad we have a man gracing us with his presence on this thread to assure us that all men won’t mind or feel abused by forced ejaculation.
Thanks for the information that men can’t be sexually assaulted, i’m sure many men and boys will feel great about your support.

If a man or woman doesn’t consent to a certain aspect of sex and are then tricked, forced or drugged to make that act happen it is sexual assault.

Maybe you could do with a refresher in consent. Until then absolutely keep your advice on what other people will not view as abuse to yourself.

OP…..it seems to me that your whole life is on hold…
-waiting to ‘officially’ ttc
-waiting to get married
-waiting to move to another eu country
All of which also seem to be his agenda, not yours.

@EmoCourt not sure why it's contemptible. She wants a baby. If he doesn't, he should wear condoms (and I say that as a man who thinks you should take personal responsibility for contraception). OP didn't seem to want people commenting on the fact that her DP has provided ambiguous consent to conception. But he does want unprotected sex. I can assure you (again as a man) that he won't mind or feel abused.

She said that her husband doesn’t want a baby at the moment. Her words, not mine. There’s a difference between a man not minding if he gets someone pregnant and a man who wants a child. I think a child deserves to be wanted by both parents when possible. I suspect her husband is stringing her along either way but that’s something I could be wrong about. I’m not wrong about him not wanting to have a child right now though as that’s in the OP if you read it.

I can’t believe a single reputable dr would give a woman an age to start ttc due to her aunt having endometriosis. The OP hasn’t even been diagnosed with it!

I’ve diagnosed PCOS since being a teenager and no doctor has ever said you must ttc by 19/20/ whatever specific age. It’s unscientific and terrible advice.

do you have endometriosis or infertility? Have you gone for tests?

Have you even been tested for your fertility level? You are assuming a lot

You are not the first person to say this, and it is a contemptible suggestion.

Some people don’t want to get married. I’ve got two children and never want to get married!

All a bit weird. I guess you just have to get on top and not get off when he's finishing!

That’s just untrue

There is something strange about this situ. I think it’s a bit gaslighty on his part. It’s like he’s teasing you with the possibility of a baby. Not giving you a proper chance which will make you more stressed if/when it doesn’t happen. But at the same time he’s giving you a sliver of hope. It’s not good communication if it’s not leading to things being in a better place, you are, however, communicating that you aren’t on the same page.

TTC is stressful if there are factors against you (and if there aren’t I assume!!) but I’d have found it much worse if I couldn’t say to my husband ‘right I’m ovulating, I hope, let’s try twice today!’

Of course there is 🙄 You are reducing your chances of getting pregnant. It is far less reliable than barrier or hormonal contraception and has a very large margin for error. But it does reduce the chance of pregnancy.

If you were receiving fertility treatment and told the Dr that your husband removed his penis from your vagina before ejaculation each time you had sex, do you think they'd just say "very good, crack on" or do you think they'd say "you are greatly reducing your chances of conceiving by doing that"? Honestly.

What concerns me most is that you are saying partner and there are emigration plans. What happens if you split up and he takes said child and continues with those emigration plans? Or you emigrate, then split up and you're left in another country as a single parent, unable to leave unless you leave your child there? You're leaving yourself wide open here OP with no plan. If you're planning a marriage then get it done before having a child. If it's so low key why are you waiting until next year?

There is no such thing as the withdrawal "method". It is not a form of contraception. What you are doing is having unprotected sex.

You mentioned his reason is the immigration process is harder with a baby. Why? That’s not a reason. You both have passports, so surely it’s simple? Plus you’ll be married by then.

Is there a particular reason that you are waiting two years to emigrate?

Hi OP,

I haven’t read the whole thread so maybe you’ve already spoken about this. You do whatever compromise you need to do, if you and your partner are happy with it, it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks. Me and my husband initially stopped using any contraception but semi-avoided sex on my fertile days and it took about 8 months before I was accidentally pregnant (although we had discussed before, we would be happy if it had happened- the reason I was off contraception was because I was trying to get my body ready to start trying). I don’t have endometriosis but for various reasons that pregnancy didn’t work out and have subsequently had a couple of laparoscopy surgeries and 3 more pregnancies before getting my baby (+2 -3 years later than we hoped)

my situation was impossible to predict (ectopic pregnancies and MMC) but based on my experience, which is of course different to yours, I would say to focus on this time really understanding your fertility and getting your body ready. I saw you said you know it’s very likely you have endo- I would be insisting that this was treated before pregnancy. I saw you said there’s various reasons you haven’t been referred for that.. but if their investigations are showing that you have it and it’ll need to be treated I would certainly want to do that before starting to try, again based on my personal experience.

good luck op!

I get the first being a surprise, but the next 2 conceived in the same way could hardly be a surprise. Unless you are a little thick.

My 1 year old was conceived using this method. I would say it took about 6 months - I have PCOS and only had 1 period during that time. I think it happened that particular month as I was on holiday and feeling really relaxed so try not to stress about it if you do want to get pregnant soon.

This made us laugh a lot, I'm inclined to agree

Well, withdrawal's a bit unpredictable, isn't it? I think on average women only have a 20-25% chance of getting pregnant every month anyway, depending on their age. So it's more likely than not that you won't conceive in any given month anyway, and then withdrawing makes it even less likely.

We did use withdrawal for a while but we were both in the same place (would rather not have had a baby at that point but were prepared to take the risk and embrace an accident if it happened). It worked for us, but then I don't know that I would have got pregnant in that time period if we'd just been crossing our fingers.

This all sounds very stressful for you, OP. I sympathise. I was ready to try before my husband in the end and that bit where you're waiting for them to catch up is hard.

It smacks of him wanting his cake and eating it!
I hope it all works out for you in due course, OP.

"Unwanted"? Why are you inventing a narrative that isn't there? OP says:

In his own words, he would rather wait until we’ve emigrated and settled in the new country but if a pregnancy happened he’d be excited and take it in his stride

That's not an unwanted child.