To hope I get pregnant even though my partner withdraws?

when i was agonizing about whether we should ttc, we did rhythm method for 6 months. We had always done withdrawal but with rhythm method it meant DH ejaculated in me on my non fertile days.

we weren't sure if we absolutely wanted to ttc, so thought this would ease us into it. We didn't get pregnant

what part do i play in the withdrawal method though. a bit TMI but its DH who pulls out and he knows his body.

But if he wants a baby what’s the difference between now and two years?

Does he want to wait because he’s anxious about the move

OR

Is that an excuse and he doesn’t want a baby at all.

You either want a baby or not.

I was just trying to prompt the OP in to that discussion with her partner. I didn’t want to be so brutal. Clearly from the OPs reply brutal advice is not going down to well and she needs a more softer approach.

I would need the brutal truth but not everyone is like me. 😊

Err, her partners desire not to have a kid definitely trumps her desire to have a kid when that baby is not actually conceived yet. Consent is pretty important!

He doesn’t sound particularly clever, he should be bagging it up every single time and take some responsibility for his cock. But his no definitely trumps her yes. Jesus.

Yeah I'm guessing withdrawal method works much better if both people want it to work though as you are both making sure withdrawing happens at correct time. However in Ops situation she wants it to fail! She's in denial

honestly the reason i continued with withdrawal for 8 years was because it worked for the first year of our marriage when we were in europe. I did think of using 'proper' contraception when I moved back to the UK but didn't get on with it and withdrawal seemed to work without negative side effects and DH was fine with using it.

So it can work if you are not very fertile as DH and I evidently are. I was 22 when i started withdrawal and DH was 24.

but I promise, we have a very healthy relationship.

No you dont

Because, as I’ve said a dozen times, he’d quite like a baby too!

No he doesnt

Missing the point of the thread but I emigrated with a baby and it was no more expensive (or difficult) than when i did it without. Both times were very expensive and challenging🤣

It’s clear from reading your post you and your husband have a great relationship. 😊

One thing I would think about if I was you…

1. you want a baby now
2. your partner isn’t ready yet.

So why does your partners desire not to have a baby yet trump your desire to have a baby? Especially when there is a very high risk you’ll not conceive? If you wait two years and emigrate and can’t get pregnant how easy would fertility treatment be in the country you’re emigrating to?

I hope my comments do not offend you @JambalayaFan just my thoughts 😊

Op you and your partner are not on the same page. You want a baby, he doesn't. Doing some half way house form of contraception that you hope will fail is strange. You need to have an honest conversation about either having proper sex (and enjoy it) or use proper contraception...

Also I don't get some of your reasoning. If you suspect fertility issues it's advantageous to start trying as soon as possible. And if you suspect fertility issues it's also advantage to get some years under your belt of TTC so that you will be eligible for fertility treatment etc..
Be honest with him Op.

Why does he think moving with baby will be so hard if he has family there etc.?

Oreganoandsage · Today 08:01

If he really wanted a child with you, he'd be agreeing right now starting TTC.

This.

Is there anything else at play here? Does he already have a child from a previous relationship?

Men who want babies go all in. They don’t mumble about wanting to wait and withdraw, hoping that they don’t get their partner pregnant.

Kids deserve dads who actually -actively - want them. Women who want kids deserve co-parents who actually actively want them. Men who don’t want children deserve partners who don’t ‘hope’ unreliable contraception methods fail. I have a feeling your partner DOESNT want children but can’t be arsed with a row/the hassle, so is placating you and hoping you don’t get knocked up. You will absolutely respond to this comment with some nonsense about how you’ve discussed it at length and he’s ok with it but he’s literally telling you he isn’t ready for a kid. You just aren’t hearing him. In such an important matter, you’re either in or you’re out. He’s out.

Your life is very sad to me.

I am 31. We were using the withdrawal method since I was 22 up until last year. Never got pregnant. I have talked to doctors who said this was no indication and you only know when you TTC and then fail.

My close relative and her now husband did this for several years in her late twenties/ early to mid thirties. She didn’t get pregnant.
By the time she started to worry about it and went to the doctor, she couldn’t say how long they’d been tcc for because technically they had been using a method of contraception albeit a natural one. They had tests and there were fertility issues. They never managed to get pregnant and at this stage very likely never will.
OP, if I was in your situation I’d get on the same page and start tcc properly now. If you are willing to take the risk, you might as well do it properly.
I think you would be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to think you’re going to move to a new country, new job, presumably no friends/ family of your own and start tcc/ potentially get pregnant/ have a baby etc. If he’s from there, it’s not the same for him. He’s being selfish.
I’d look into what fertility treatment is available and what maternity care is like there too.

I think there is some evidence that hormonal contraception has some benefits in terms of preserving fertility. Withdrawal is credited with bringing down the French birth rate dramatically more than a hundred years before the rest of Europe.

Of course you're not being unreasonable to 'hope' for something.

But you are being unreasonable in wanting different things from your family. Your partner wants to wait (does he actually want kids at all) while you want a baby now. You need to think about whether this man is right for you or if he will constantly have reasons for not actively trying.

Also, he is massively being unreasonable if he doesn't want kids yet but is relying on withdrawal method!

You both sound immature/irresponsbile and unready to start anything as serious as a family from your post.

i did it for 8 years but fertility clinics have told me that i need to actually TTC to qualify for treatment. 8 years of withdrawal method just doesn't cut it.

Currently preggo with baby number 3 after a drunken withdrawal fail. Baby a surprise but a very very happy one.
I don't think I'd be deliberately trying to get pregnant by a guy who has made it pretty clear he isn't up for it right now...

You cannot be ignorant of the connotation of the word "unwanted" with regards to pregnancy and babies. It does not represent the situation that OP is in. And yet you chose to use it because for some reason you (along with countless others on the thread) are determined to pointlessly colour the situation, and the OP and her DP, in your own way to suit whatever your agenda is. It's a waste of time and I don't know why people do it. All that happens is that the OP ends up defending a position she isn't even in, and isn't able to get relevant advice that actually reflects her situation.

She's not wrong. The legal definition of rape in the UK requires a penis.

I did it for 8 years. I was 22 when i started dong the withdrawal method. And I was married.

I did the withdrawal method from 2015 to 2023 and now have been trying for a year without success.

Had sex today though and its my fertile day. At the same time having cold feet and wondering if its wise to get pregnant now but yet i have been ttc for so long and nothing has happened.

To be fair, the op doesn’t say she has fertility issues or any diagnoses, just some family members have it.

so she needs to confirm if she does or not. Otherwise it looks like she doesn’t wish to see a doctor as if she’s told no issues she has no reason to try now.

But you can still put in those protections without being married! The OP has had numerous “what you’re considering having a baby but he hasn’t married you” posts which is clearly ridiculous!

You think that you have fertility issues but your not willing to speak to a doctor about this. Your not insisting on medical tests to see what what's wrong and what could be done to help you.
Meanwhile your boyfriend does not want to use condoms and is using withdrawel method. Your hoping to get pregnant doing this and think he will be happy if this happens.
You know he does not want a baby now but wants to wait 2 years until you move to another country in Europe. Your not even married yet.

To be honest it all about him and his plans but the reality is that you need to develop some backbone in this regard. He needs to be told that you may have fertility issues and you need to try for a baby now. If your not pregnant within in the next 6 months go to your doctor and insist on tests. He will need a test as well. It can take time to conceive and for tests to be done. The longer you leave things the worse the prognosis maybe for you.

I had a friend who waited a few years after getting married before having a child as they had to sort out a house and both were working on their careers. She started trying for a baby, had a few miscarriages and ended up needing IVF. She had a child at 40 and 42. This was after several years of trying, tests and IVF.
Both her and her husband wanted a family and it was very stressful time for both of them.
It would have been far harder if she wanted a baby and he was fobbing her off saying we can try later after X or y.

I would not be possibly be giving up the chance of having a baby to suit this man.