To hope I get pregnant even though my partner withdraws?

Gotta be honest OP if you're serious then I'd recommend having conversations with him about moving forwards more productively. Why put yourself in this weird halfway house where you're wanting a baby and disappointed every month it doesn't happen because you aren't doing it properly? I have fertility concerns (and not just in a "oh I probably have this, my family have struggled etc), I actually have low progesterone and when I spoke to DP he was onboard with trying sooner than we'd originally planned. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with trying before marriage, it's what I'm doing, but we have our venue and everything booked plus I'm 34 so don't want to delay. I'd be beyond upset if DP at this stage said no we can wait 2 years.

I'd also be very dubious of your DP saying no if you genuinely have legitimate concerns. I know you say he wants to move and settle but you can absolutely do that with a baby.

Surely you can just have sex and see what happens? No pressure in terms of tracking ovulation etc, just go with the flow, just do it when you want to instead of specifically timed but at least have a conversation and be on the same page with it all. Also are you on folic acid? If you're hoping for pregnancy you really should be taking folic acid.

Why is it a fetish? It’s a legitimate point in this context, talking about whether it is less fun for the man, having to pull out and this poster has said it can also be less fun for the woman. Nothing fetish-y about liking that part of sex ffs.

How very naive

It is definitely possible to get pregnant with pull out method. Have soon sex after he ejaculates first time, viable semen can be in the pre cum for round 2. Track your cycle!! Also I bet your dp's body will just decide for him, has an 'oopsie' and cums inside you. Any man that truly does not want a baby would not promise to 'take in his stride' and agree to this compromise!

He either wants a child or not. If not, your ‘contraception’ is ridiculous.

What the hell are you on about? This isn't a thread to talk about your spunk fetish ffs

This is so odd. You've diagnosed yourself with infertility and endometriosis without anything to back it up, just because you have aunties who have had it. This is bonkers. Are you trying to push that narrative so your partner is more relaxed about using the pull out method?

This

No-one is saying that consent only goes one way.

It's just that the word rape (in English/Welsh/Scots/NI law) means a specific type of sexual assault, one that can only be committed by the rapist using their penis (either a natural or surgically-created one). Not a dildo, not a strap-on, not by the perpetrator receiving the victim's penis.

All those things without consent are obviously wrong, but it's just that they don't fit the definition of rape.

@Blondeshavemorefun that's not just me but my gaggle of girls when we spoke about it a while back

Hmm, sure this sounds exactly like what a real female would say.

I have found the withdrawal method extremely reliable. We have used it for years on and off without an unplanned pregnancy.

We are definitely quite fertile and have been able to have children. Prior to using withdrawal I fell pregnant with an IUD in, supposedly the most reliable reversible contraceptive of all! There has only been one month when we have TTC without success. I have fallen pregnant intentionally four times.

I suspect some men get carried away and lie about pulling out in time and some men for whatever reason have more pre-cum than others.

Think it’s because she’s using the withdrawal method.

Why is there a high risk she won't conceive?

I'm infertile. My sister isn't. Our birth mom isn't.

No need for my nieces to think they will have issues.

It doesn't sound like a perfect situation and hedging your bets in this way could mean an actual pregnancy would be more difficult to process mentally. I just wouldn't want you to be hurt if you got pregnant and he freaked out at the reality of it. People freak out when they are actively trying so it wouldn't be unexpected.

On a more practical note, it would be worth taking a combined folic acid and vitamin d now - just in case.

I'm amazed how many people use the withdrawal method

Surely can't be much fun for the bloke to whip it out and come over tits /stomach /hand /tissue etx

Plus as the woman - TMI - but had this chat with friends and we all love love our partners /dh coming inside us - as often we both come together - often the woman for the 2-3 time

If whipped it out we would feel a bit unsatisfied - that's not just me but my gaggle of girls when we spoke about it a while back

Tbh I have used this method for many years and never got pregnant from it and I did have DS (when TTC) so no infertility. I would however be more concerned about your DP kicking the can down the curb by holding off for 2 years before you emigrate (have you both actually started working on emigrating?) plus the fact that even if you do emigrate and conceive immediately you are stuck in a foreign country completely reliant on his family as a support network. It just seems you have to make all the sacrifices (wait 2 years, loosing 2 fertile years, he’s a man so it makes no difference to his fertility). I’d be more inclined to start now, it can take years to conceive, why wait?

Comments like this are why I pretty much never believe people who say they had a surprise pregnancy.

It sounds like getting pg is a huge thing for you and he, especially with your health conditions that your are worried about may impact your ability to conceive, is teasing and messing with your mind.

He would happily welcome a baby, but doesn't actively want to try? Is he just getting off on the risk?

Doesn't sound like a healthy "agreement" with you being disappointed every month, probably getting more upset as the months go on, and him not bothered by that.

I was going to end the post wishing you luck, but not sure if a child should be brought into a relationship where both parents are not actively choosing to have one and I would be concerned on how he will react to the responsibility if he can't make a adult choice now on whether he does want to TTC.

Goodness if I were your partner I would not be happy you were discussing this with your Mum, friends, an online forum...

This makes no sense whatsoever. You think you may have fertility issues, so despite wanting a baby at some point, you want to bury your heads in the sand for a couple of years, try not to think about it, and use a half-arsed form of contraception on small chance that you end up pregnant?? This isn’t how normal, logical people who want a baby behave.

Why not just stop using any form of contraception? You don’t need to do any of the temperature testing, monitoring cycles and all that. Plenty of people get pregnant just by having regular sexual intercourse.

If you get pregnant naturally without using any form of contraception, great. If not, start monitoring cycles, going for investigations etc once you’re settled in your new country.

It doesn’t have to be this complicated.

It’s still serious sexual assault. Quite a few posters have said it’s fine, it’s what OP should do and it’s not abuse.

I don’t think anyone is saying that at all; but as a matter of fact it is not statutory rape, it is a different offence.

Surely 2nd and 4th weren’t that much of a surprise? 😆

It's quite unlikely that you'll get pregnant from this method. We used it for years and only got pregnant when we actively tried.

Echoing other posters: this doesn't seem like a very stable situation. You may wish to consider the legal protections offered by marriage before you start a family and emigrate with someone. Or just pause of all this. Especially with someone who has clearly told you they are not ready to start a family with you.