To hope I get pregnant even though my partner withdraws?

I’m fairly likely to have issues getting pregnant he feels it would be better waiting until in the new country before officially TTC because if we start now and I’m still not pregnant in a year or two years, we’d be faced with the struggle of trying to decide whether to go for the NHS funded fertility treatment at the cost of delaying the move.

THIS MAKES NO SENSE. He would rather not know whether you would struggle to conceive for 2 years so you wouldn't seek treatment? Then what? Start trying, find out you can't conceive but then you are 3 years down the line and every single year is HUGE in IVF land. The older you are, the less likely to be successful.

So he's burying his head in the sand at the cost of your fertility. Nice.

He's immature and you're too desperate to put your foot down.

Good luck.

Well said. Some posters seem to think when it's about a man not being able to fully consent to conceiving a child it's just a funny anecdote to tell...

Hi OP that sounds fine to me! Sprry youMre getting lors of anippy remarks, not everything needs to be treated as a science project as PP said.
Two questions here to provide a bit
more stability in your project:

• Couldn't you move earlier to your chosen country?
• What would prevent you to get married now? Even just a registry wedding. Like this you have the commitment If an oopsie not so oopsie pregnancy were to happen.

Our pull out method (I had just come off hormonal) failed the very first time, but some friends who wish to use it more as a contraception, along with tracking their cycles, have been successfulin avoiding a pregnancy for years.

Hmm, @PyongyangKipperbang, a woman having sex with a non-consenting man:
is unlikely to succeed
won't injure his internal organs
can't make him pregnant.

Otherwise, yeah, it's just the same.

fucking well should be.

I hate the assumption that consent only goes one way.

Not going to go into the in's and out's of your choices and relationship, but will answer your OP, other than to say look very closely into where you are looking at emigrating to as if it doesnt work out, you may be forced to stay if there is a child in the mix (thinking Aus in particular, but other countries too).

Used withdrawal for 7 years with no pregnancy, the first method you mentioned. Got PG second month we actively didnt use it.

Yep I’ve had 2 babies from the method. I couldn’t tell you how - I think it was a mixture of poor timing and not realising I was ovulating and maybe pulling out too slowly.

I came off contraception as the hormones had negative effects on my moods.

Good luck

And you can't rape without a penis!

No it's not rape (in the UK.)

If I have understood this correctly, you are claiming that you will be quite happy if you are not pregnant after X amount of time if you "weren't really trying", whereas if you had been really trying, you would be stressed. In other words, your mental state will depend not on the outcome (pregnant or not) but on the quiet bet that you made with yourself before you started.

Put politely, you are kidding yourself. Put less politely, it is childish and delusional. The truth of the matter is that you want to get pregnant, but you are not ready to deal with the consequences of that not happening, so you are making up stories to fall back on. These might just about work for people on your outer circle of acquaintanceship, but when push comes to shove, they will not fool your real friends, you family, your DP, or you. In fact your failure to confront the possibility of failure from that start will make that failure, if it happens, all the harder to take.

I would suggest counselling of some kind, but you may be able to self-help yourself out of this. Invest a tenner in this book, which I think might help you to face up to your situation.

I apologise if this post is a bit brutal. 🙏 I mostly try to be relentlessly positive in what I write online. But in this case, I think you need to give your head a major wobble.

Being pedantic, in the UK it'd be sexual assault but not rape.

Rape as defined in the law of all jurisdictions within the UK can only be committed by the perpetrator using a penis.

To be clear, sexual assault is not acceptable either!

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I don't see anything wrong with your choice of contraception.

You've chosen a course of action which has a lower probability of pregnancy than some options, and a higher probability than some other options. This seems to fit with the fact that the least keen of the potential parents has a weak preference for delaying starting a family.

On another note though, if I had a hereditary disease which could be quite painful for sufferers (endometriosis in your case) I wouldn't be trying to conceive. I'm not saying you're necessarily wrong to do so, but have you stopped to think about this, and if you'll be OK with yourself if years down the road you see your daughter in significant pain every month?

Getting someone drunk and having sex with them certainly is. Decision making is impaired by alcohol. You cannot confirm that consent was given if either are drunk.

I can't finish reading this thread, it's been a day for snippy replies on Mumsnet 🙄 OP, you both sound fine to me! Not everyone goes at conception like a science project; it's quite normal to just have unprotected sex and see what happens. This is what you're doing, while trying to delay the 'happening' - you're just weighting the odds because conceiving right now would be inconvenient, not a disaster.

The only thing I would say is that you might need to have another talk about your obvious anxiety about your fertility. Perhaps you might agree to stop withdrawing and be more relaxed about the prospect of emigrating with a baby. You're both EU citizens, your child could inherit citizenship from you, I believe?

@LadyMinerva I'm not sure that's rape 🤣. Entrapment perhaps.

Alternatively, get him drunk and he'll probably forget to pull out.

You know that's called rape and entrapment, right?

Alternatively, get him drunk and he'll probably forget to pull out. That's how it happened with my first Daughter anyway!!

bloody hell...

The withdrawal method has worked for me for the past 3 years (sorry, probably not what you want to hear). However, I have heard of it failing with other people.

It sounds as though he does eventually want to have kids, so it's not the end of the world if it does happen!

Alternatively, get him drunk and he'll probably forget to pull out. That's how it happened with my first Daughter anyway!!

I think you should try now, as you know what the NHS can offer regarding pregnancy and childbirth, and if in 2 years time you will have not conceived then you will hopefully be in a country that may be better than the NHS to assist.
But that's just my take on it.

This is the trouble essentially you are now TTC but making it very difficult. Therefore most likely you won't conceive or not soon and so you will get more and more stressed. If you are in your 30s you really need to be properly trying now to give yourself the best chances. It's almost like you feel you are more likely to fall pregnant 'accidentally' than by properly trying. And if you do try properly you might find you fall very quickly.

I don’t know any consultant that wouldn’t refer for a lap if Endo suspected, especially if they have seen evidence of that in another surgery. Why would you not push for it in order to get treatment and increase your chances of pregnancy? I don’t know any endo sufferers this passive about the condition especially when hoping to conceive. I speak as someone who has undergone a lap and endo removal, and is hoping to conceive soon. It’s a very strange approach.

So why did you stop?

My first child was conceived this way. Completely unplanned. I had severe endometriosis (surgically diagnosed). At that stage I didn't think I wanted or could have children. I was in my late 30s.

Haha this... got pregnant twice despite him always pulling out way before the orgasm. That's when I learnt about pre-cum. Must have been strong swimmers

I know this isn't what you have asked but doesn't it spoil the sex if you have to worry about 'pulling out'. Well, I suppose you're not worried about it but does it not spoil it for him.