DH ‘quick drink’ after work

I’ve just read this. The only way to make them understand is to leave them with the baby, then take an extra hour after you’ve said, then say you do that to me all the time, only I’ve been up with baby since 5am instead of you’ve done 2 hours of parenting, and I’ve done housework and cooked, while you’ve done none of that, and you’re gone much more than an extra hour. If it’s fair for you to do that, then I will need you to provide much more r&r on the weekend by parenting and doing housework as I don’t get any pub downtime.

My ex husband went out on an all day session shortly after I gave birth…. Our DD never slept, I was struggling, tired, trying to adjust… I was so upset when he practically fell through the door early hours of the morning, passed out and spent most of the next day sleeping it off too…..
I think an occasional night out is fine… but if I were you I would also ‘pop out’… get yourself ready so that when he comes in from work you can say ‘I’m popping out for a quick drink with friends’… tell him he needs to get himself tea and to put the kids to bed… then go!! …. Don’t get home till 9 & have a fab night!!
He needs to pull his weight as much as you also need a night out!!

Why doesn't he watch the toddler when you go for your hair doing ? If this is a drip feed and he's just generally useless 24/7 then you may have more of a point

Thought you were gonna save every night. I'd leave him too it every fortnight or compromise and say you'd like him back for 8 and to cook for you both, x

I thought you meant every night! Once every few weeks isn't a lot to ask. Tinfoil or freeze his dinner. Maybe he could let you know before you cook dinner?

Now you have kids it is totally unacceptable to not attempt to leave by 5pm every day. So what if you used to do the same? Life has changed and he does not have the luxury of time to waste.
This is probably why you feel resentful that he’s taking yet another hour away from the family for himself.

If he can finish at 5pm, he should be doing this several times a week to make sure he’s home to give you a break. He can go into work earlier.

Agree he needs to give you notice

you should also get time off - either an evening out from 6pm when he’s home or at the weekend. I think it’s important for you to not only get a break but for him to slog through the bedtime
routine regularly alone so he realises what you do in his absence

I have adult children who live at home, and often they don't get home by mealtime. Their meal gets plated or boxed and left on the side and then goes in the fridge, so they can have it the next day or take to work for lunch, or it goes in the freezer. I can't imagine very many meals that have to go in the bin because they won't last a few hours in the fridge.

With such young DC it's all hands on deck with no time off for a long time. You need his support bringing up your DC.

He’s irresponsible and taking the piss. Also uncaring and a poor father.

Why can't he look after his own children while you go for your quick drink every couple of weeks?

We had a rule that DH needed to be back home by 7 if he wanted dinner -as that was the latest I would start cooking. Later than that - sort yourself.

Forget the drinks, it sounds like he does literally no childcare? That's a huge problem.

What dinner can’t keep up the next day? Or heated up for lunch?

With a newborn it’s totally out of order to leave you home alone all day while at work and then stay out til 9 regularly. Once the baby is a bit bigger and you’re less exhausted it would be fine but not with a newborn.

He sounds selfish and entitled - hope you can sort it

You say finnish time usually is 7 p.m. and with an after-work drink one hour later. I think one hour every few weeks is very reasonable imho. I do know that 9 p.m. is late in a family with young children, but it's not as if he's spending that many hours with his friends? I think I would let it go OP.

You missed the bit about him hanging around at work for 2 hours every night to avoid going home

Once every two weeks he’s an hour late home and it would be a dealbreaker? Seriously? Either it can’t be that strong a relationship or you’re incredibly controlling. Or you actually wouldn’t end it fir this reason in reality.

So he has literally one hour off once every couple of weeks? YABVU

Not a quick drink, and he should be opting out entirely when you have a newborn, especially with a toddler in the mix too. You'll still be recovering from the birth.

Can you do the same some day?

This. The people who jump in saying it’s absolutely fine and they would never have an issue with it are talking out of their arses.
They either never had to do it, or are like 30 years past having young kids and have no realistic concept of the reality of it anymore. Regularly dumping additional work on OP with no warning, no conversation and no concern as to how her day has gone and whether she needs a break or not.
Also conveniently missing dinner, bath and bedtime probably so he can say ‘what’s the big deal it was only an hour?’ knowing full well he has left all the jobs for the day on OP.

So Op is ‘working’ 5am-8/9pm everyday. In that she can’t just decide spontaneously to go out for a drink childfree in that time without pre planning. And she has child with her 24/7

Op husband gets 2hr quite commute. Child free, to just listen to audio book or something. Then finishes work at 5pm. But instead of going home for 6pm to help 6-8/9pm with two children, dinner prep, company, he decides to hang around 2 hrs longer every day for free until 7pm. Then either gets home at 8pm once op has already fed kids, cooked, bathed, started bedtimes alone etc. or decides at 7pm after 2 hrs hanging around not being paid to go for a drink an hour.

That his wife is never afforded, let alone at no notice. Get it?