Do I have a right to be annoyed?

Who is your sister leaving her estate to?

She might leave everything to your DC and they will be better off in the long run.

I can see both sides of situation with OP and Anne but it's the fact that it's likely Anne has had a conversation with Dad about this which makes it all very distasteful and grubby. urgh.

If any of my kids attempted this kind of conversation with me, I'd make them very aware that they're not 'entitled' to bloody anything!

The absolutely fair thing to do would be to split the whole estate 50/50 and OP can decide how much of her 50% she gives to her 3 kids. That would keep Anne happy I guess but would definitely taint any kind of relationship the sisters might have for the future...hope anne would be happy with that.

This is such a difficult one.

If DS was to inherit from my DPs directly, he is likely to be in his early 20s and possibly would not make wise decisions with the money, whereas if we get it we would pay for house deposits, towards a wedding and other big events.

But we ourselves don't strictly need any inheritance and would plan to keep the majority for DS.

No one has a right to be annoyed other than the dad. It's his money. He can do what he wants with it and should be able to do that without pressure.

Anne is a stone cold bitch for trying to badger her father into changing his will in her favour.

The grandchildren are individuals with their own relationships with their grandfather. It’s perfectly reasonable they be left bequests as individuals. That isn’t “going to Sue” in any way.

It is fair that Sue and Anne have equal bequests. It is also fair that, aside from that, other people are left bequests as suits the one whose money this is anyway.

That can be grandchildren, dog’s homes, the neighbours’s cat, Elon bloody Musk. Whoever he likes.

I think Anne and Sue should keep their opinions to themselves. It's their fathers money and for him to distribute as he sees fit. No one has a 'right' to someone else's money.
I personally agree with giving some to the grandchildren as I think it helps them to get on in life, be it driving lessons, University, flat deposit etc. Leaving it to adult children who are already in their 50s/60s and have property etc while 'fair' just seems to leave money in the hands of the older generation who perhaps need it less.
I never inherited from any of my relatives, my mum and Dad inherited in their 70s and it's in the bank. Meanwhile the Grandkids are scrimping and saving for small flats, driving crappy first cars, paying off student loans.

If I were Anne's Dad I think I would tell her not to be so bloody ungrateful and that if she keeps on whinging she won't be getting anything. Not her place at all to say how the money is split.

In the grand scheme of things don't waste energy getting annoyed over it.

You missed the bit about driving lessons and cars. Which sounds like a very sensible use of the money.

Also I'm not sure 'need' comes into this. None of them need the money.

'Anne and Sue' both sound like pair of vultures who can't wait for their poor dad to die, to be honest.

I feel like I'd have a lot more sympathy to the twins in this situation if they hadn't already spent part of an inheritance on a gap year and designer hoodies. That's lovely but I think it's a bit ridiculous to suggest they really need this extra inheritance when those were their priorities. (And yes, I had access to money at 18 myself - I didn't touch it until I bought a house nearly 10 years later). Also ridiculous to bring in the fact Anne's house in unmortgaged - having children is expensive and she obviously hasn't had that expense! It was Sue's decision to have children and enjoy watching them grow up, but that comes at a financial cost.

family money

Wtf? This attitude is grotesque.

It's the Dad's money.

Anne has no moral or legal right to it.

Tbf he asked her opinion.

Her response seems more than reasonable, esp as the GP had previously broached this with the twins.

My sis also dislikes that ddad gives us all £100 at Xmas and birthdays. She feels it should be per family and she should get £500. I think she genuinely doesn't recognise I don't get to keep my kids money it's theirs. Or maybe she feels like she's losing out because I had kids and we would probably get more at birthdays if it was just me and her.

I can see her point but it's just the way it is. My father gives each family member £100 at Xmas. My brother, his wife and their 4 children get £600 in total. I am single and have 2 children so we get £300 in total. On paper it looks unfair but in reality each family member receives exactly the same amount of money.

Anne is wrong. It's up to the dad and the dad alone what he does with his money, and asking him to change his will is grabby and actually quite horrid behaviour.

If one of my kids came to me and told me to change my will because they thought it wasn't fair I'd end up leaving the lot to charity.

As the sibling that does most of the care for my elderly parents, I disagree. It isn't transactional and I wouldn't want any recognition of it in the will. What I do for my mum and dad now has nothing to do with what happens to their assets after they die. I'm not doing any of it for the sake of saving on care costs!

He's still alive. Just stop it.

I’ve just remembered when dsis approached my parents with the plan that they should make a will and leave their money six ways: one part each for her, bil and three dcs, and one to me…. I was 17 at the time at school! Df laughed her all the way down the drive. (Dm I can imagine could have been persuaded ☹️ )

So Anne is pissed off because her nieces and nephews are being left something in their grandparents will is the short and long of it. I think Anne is incredibly mean spirited and selfish and needs to get a grip.

I already don't like Anne

Her branch yes, but not Sue herself. She can’t touch any money left to her kids.

"My sis also dislikes that ddad gives us all £100 at Xmas and birthdays. She feels it should be per family and she should get £500. I think she genuinely doesn't recognise I don't get to keep my kids money it's theirs. Or maybe she feels like she's losing out because I had kids and we would probably get more at birthdays if it was just me and her."

Wow your Dsis actually sounds a bit unhinged to begrudge her nieces and nephews £100 per year, feels like it's about more than the money.

I think a smaller sum to grandchildren and then the rest split between children is a perfectly fair and normal way to write a will. It's the way my grandparents wrote theirs, as has my mum and I imagine I will too when I have grandchildren.

Grandchildren are separate people in their own right, not subsets of their parents and I think Anne is wrong to feel hard done by and very very wrong to put pressure on your dad.

But you would be wrong to put pressure on him to change it back, so what are you going to do. Personally, I'd give my DC the intended sums from my own share.