I kind of am being unreasonable, because I know this is coming from a position of privilege. I suppose my question is, in my position am I unreasonable to be annoyed at my partners attitude to this/worried about the future.
Also apologies for the length. I just need to rant.
We both have life insurance and pensions, but if one of us died we'd leave the other in very different financial positions.
If I died I'd be leaving him:
Decreasing life cover of £400k (mortgage +£150k)
Death in service benefit of approx £180k (at this time)
Pension payments (variable depending on if I died now or in 10 years etc)
Bereavement support payment (assuming what I've read is correct) of £3.5k one off plus £350/month for 18 months
+variable amount of pension cover for the kids
If he died he'd he leaving me:
Life cover of £260k - not decreasing, so currently would clear the mortgage + £10k, so as our equity increases more would be left after clearing the mortgage
Pension payments - unknown, as he's not organised enough to tell me anything, but I know his pension pot is currently worth considerably less than mine.
Bereavement support payment (assuming what I've read is correct) of £3.5k one off plus £350/month for 18 months
Context:
We both work full time earning a similar wage. Clearing the mortgage would still mean we are short each month if on one salary (I've taken into account reduced bills etc), by approx £200/month on our current lifestyle.
I do the majority of childcare pickups around work (kids in school/childcare during work hours), he would struggle to continue his current job as its not as flexible and would likely have to quit and find something more flexible/closer to home.
He will likely inherit from his parents (hopefully they live long lives, but I think they're still in a position to make sure he's taken care of). I will likely not inherit - unless there is a big change in my families fortunes.
Basically, I've made sure I'll leave him in a position where he could afford to live well, take a year or two off to support the kids.
I will be OK financially for around 18 months with the help of the bereavement support payment. I will have to continue to work full time and wouldn't be able to take any time off to support the kids. I would likely have to find a way to increase my salary within two years, or face a decrease in our standard of living.
I have tried multiple times to discuss this with him. Usually when he makes some joke about being dead before he's 50 as he's so unhealthy - healthy weight currently but his diet is appalling and doesn't have a great family history with health issues. He just says I'll be fine as I won't have a mortgage. I explain its not just about the mortgage, I wouldn't be able to cover all other expenses on one income and he still insists I'd be fine.
I'd adjust yes, I'm fortunate that we'd have the house and arguably it would be less upheaval for the kids despite having to make changes/cut back to minimum (no clubs, swimming, careful food budget etc). Imagine if he died now and I'd still have to be packing the kids off to breakfast/after school club because I couldn't afford to take time off work to support them! He's in a position to change this but won't.
Thank you if you got this far. Didn't want to leave anything out. AIBU to be annoyed at his attitude to this?