Work cf stories. Anyone else work cheeky fuckers?

I think this is downright nasty more the CFery.

I took 2 months leave about 20 years ago. All legal, organised properly etc etc. My line manager at the time was a useless man. We moved location around the city a bit at work. I returned and all was well.
About 16 years later (yes, 16 YEARS) he was no longer my line manager. I bumped into him in an office one day. I can’t remember how the conversation came up but he casually said with a big fat grin on his face, ‘do you not remember when you came back from your 2 month break, I moved your location all the time, moved you around everywhere’. Meaning he moved me around to make my life difficult. Thankfully I did not remember, (I was on a love buzz at the time oh the innocence). But imagine doing that deliberately, remembering it for all those years and bringing it up 16 years later! I think he was v disappointed I didn’t remember but still took pleasure in telling. Horrible lazy man with a shocking absentee record. Pathologically arrogant. The organisation couldn’t wait to get rid of him.

We had a manager once who would buy new furniture for the project where we worked, only he would ‘donate’ his old furniture and steal the new stuff he’d ordered for the house where we worked!

In another project I worked in, I worked with a woman who was always asking me to swap shifts with her, I always obliged, I was always helping people out by swapping shifts… one day I asked if anyone would swap a day with me because we were going to buy an engagement ring and have a weekend away … not a single person from the team would swap a day shift with me… After that I never swapped with anyone, when people asked I just said no sorry! (Unless the swap actually suited me).. people can be right AH’s!!

He was signing nothing in - meaning he came to work empty handed… but was eating at his desk!… meaning he was stealing food from the workplace (presumably a supermarket)

I seriously would not share the resources - keep forgetting, or - upload the cover sheet with the wrong page below and tell them it must be the system glitching them

I hate lazy managers

I used to work for a local authority and there was one CF lad in the IT department that dine virtually nothing for nearly all the 18 months he worked there.

He just carried around a USB cable and if asked what he was doing he'd say "I'm just on the way to renew this cable" or "I've just changed this cable so I'm off to adjust the stick figures"

But you would be administering to yourself, that would be your defence. You have constipation and don't like swallowing pills so you grind them up into your food. It's not your fault some greedy fucker scoffed it and was shitting through the eye of a needle 🤣🤣🤣

A man I know was the ultimate CF. He went on a business trip to the Middle East, flying business class. He was put up in the Four Seasons and all expenses paid for by the company. When he went to check out of the hotel he had to get his passport out of his suitcase (stupid I know). When he went in his case a full sized pillow sprang out which he was stealing.
In this country you could lose a hand, however he did say he really liked the pillow.
From then on he was known as Peter Pillows.

That’s absolutely vile.

Better would be to put a capsule of harmless food dye in the food so that it goes all over the thief, without doing them any physical harm.

I would have very promptly had my both my home and mobile numbers changed 🤣

I have an opposite example of CFery-I regularly gave a colleague a lift to a meeting which was a 400 mile round trip- I didn’t charge her petrol as I could claim it back at 40p a mile. I then found out that she was claiming petrol too despite getting a free ride! £160 per trip!

That’s outrageous! As a long term fundraising professional, this goes beyond cheeky fucker to downright unethical!

You have to stand up to her. Or leave!

Just remembered she. I worked for a TV company. The presenters could claim back clothing that they bought to wear on screen. One CF tried to claim for 3 designer bags, I bounced that back as no one had a handbag on screen. She was not happy and tried to go above my head but was told I was right. Another tried to claim for an expensive MAC palette..,they didn’t do their own makeup.

The stolen uniform reminds me of when I had a Saturday job in WH Smith. We changed for a while from the polyester crap to a polo shirt and jeans. My uniform was in a bag in the staff area waiting for me and someone took my jeans as they obviously like the idea of an extra pair. They were all dicks. My manager gave me money to nip across to the jeans shop across the road and buy some.

Did she do it again next year? I hope it taught her a lesson!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2524729/amp/Met-police-officer-spiked-bottle-energy-drink-screenwash-teach-colleague-kept-stealing-lesson.html

I worked at a place that had a work shop that did gold plating (for circuit boards) and it was said that the foreman had gold bathroom fittings in his house.

My then boss lived in a large house with a paddock next to Forestry Commission land and he bragged how he moved his fence back to land-grab more room for his horses. He’d bring his horse box into work and root around in the scrap bins for bits of wood at lunchtime.

I know. I don’t get that either.

I worked for a major retailer a few years ago, and we had to keep a sample of each product we sold in the back room at head office, plus the leading brand as a comparison. This included OTC medication like cold and flu tablets, and it was generally acceptable to ask for one if you had a cold. All the low paid admin staff would ask nicely for one own brand tablet, but all the directors on £100k+ salaries would simply steal the whole box of branded product, meaning we had to go out and restock to keep within policy.

And just remembered my favourite CF story - when I was a student I worked at a big hotel and there was a specific bar tending job that involved setting up the bars for functions in all the different spaces. Much easier to nick bottles in that sort of set up.

So anyway, he'd been caught on CCTV lifting something so the head of security visited him at home in the early morning, to be greeted by bar tender and girlfriend wearing hotel branded robes and slippers, then when he was invited into the house the guy actually had an armchair that he'd lifted from the hotel! God knows how he got it out the door.

I have to say though that is Christmas parties were flipping legendary. You've never seen so much booze in your life.

Two from the same place: when I was a lot younger I worked in recruitment/sales and it was all very social. We'd regularly go out for team dinners/drinks, probably once a month or so, and would all chip in and pay for ourselves. Found out just before I left that the manager would make a big show of paying for the first drink, accept all our contributions to the bill, then charge the whole lot back to the company on expenses.

At the same place, I bought a touché Eclat for the first time at what seemed like a horrendous price. Showed it to a colleague who grabbed it off me, said 'oh I always wanted to try it' then started plastering my brand new untouched concealer over her own mucky face. When I said 'oi, give that back' she called me a selfish cow and THREW it across the office, denting the little tube.

"Humour me. What offence in UK law would you be guilty of by putting laxatives in your own sandwich?"

Administering a noxious substance maybe?

Collections at work, always seems to be the lower paid that put in to the collections than higher paid

We had a work local awards day. Morning presentation and afternoon group activities and then in the evening a meal and overnight stay in a hotel. Between the afternoon event and evening we had an open bar. Whilst most of us drank sensibly there was a group necking triple Jack Daniels and cokes. On Monday we were all called in to our managers office and asked what we'd drank and who we were drinking with.

Four people were put on report and the next year we had pitchers of warm lager or orange juice.

F.