To not understand why people get married?

Well for me, I got married because it meant me and my now DH could live together, sleep together etc. I'm also religious so that was another factor.

But for people who are already living together and have kids I genuinely don't understand why they bother.

As you work in child protection/family law, you could request some training on the legal implications of marriage. Then you will understand it for both work and personal reasons, win win.

I am not being facetious or suggesting you should already know this, just pointing out that you are better placed than most in terms of available resources to learn what you need to know.

No reason for marriage in our relationship. Been together 13 years. Financially independent. No kids. Wills leaving everything to each other. Pensions left to each other. Maybe we’ll get married later on in life (currently in our forties) but see no good reason to do it now.

I wanted to be my husbands next of kin.

There are two examples of women in my own life I think of when this conversation comes up.

First, a woman in her fifties, with her partner 20+ years, no children. He owned his own successful business and they lived in a home he had inherited. He died suddenly with no will and she had no legal right to her home or the business. Marriage would have greatly reduced the upheaval she experienced.

Second is a woman, early 60s, her long term partner died suddenly while abroad. She had no legal rights to talk to doctors, organise bringing his body home, his family chose the funeral arrangements instead of her etc.

We all think these things won't happen to us.

An essential rule of wedding arranging:

The quality of the cake and the quantity of carats does not indicate the quality of the commitment.

We got married 44 years ago. I was 25 and DH was 23. We were madly in love, wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and did not want to live together. We wanted to show our commitment to each other by marrying

We got married 5 months after we met. We had no money so our wedding cost very little. We got married in a registry office and then had a small party for friends and some family which our parents paid for.

We were, and still are, strong believers in marriage. His parents were married for 56 years before his dad died and my parents for 67 years before they died. My parents, in particular, were very very happy and still very much in love until they day they died.

I don’t get the desire to tell the world you’re in a monogamous relationship part of it.

But legally? We married when it all got a bit messy with IHT and pensions and all that. Just safer.

Weddings can be a waste of money.

Marriage is not.

I might add that where we live you get a widows pension and can still work without it being effected.

My two sisters had children before they got married. One of my sisters stated the reason she was getting married was that if her DH died she would get a widows pension and other benefits. Not married, get nothing..

Because many women want to get engaged. They want the proposal.

Because many people (usually women - and I am a woman!) want the fairy tale day, with the big white dress, the flowers, and the instagram pictures.

Because many people (again, often women), think that if they get married, their relationship will be stronger, and their sense of insecurity will go.

Because some women want children and want the protection of giving up (or reducing) work to look after said children.

I never believed in marriage - why would you when half of them end up in divorce and who knows how many who don't are actually happy? I got married because my then DP wanted to. We did. We divorced ten years later (20 years together in all).

Flame me all you want but if the above weren't true (at least in large part) most weddings (not all, but most) wouldn't cost as much as they do, most engagement rings wouldn't end up in pictures on social media, and getting married wouldn't be higher on the wish list for women than it is for men.

Of course there are people who get married for other reasons.

We got married because we wanted to formalise our commitment to each and benefit from its legal protections.

Our wedding wasn't very costly at all - we had a good party. Best party ever in fact. But it wasn't showy and it wasn't costly.

I refuse to have children with my husband before we got married. There is no other legal protection that is the same as marriage especially if you are going to be earing less and looking after children.

I'd probably feel differently if I'd been earing the same as DH finicaly wise. But if you split up and have children you are only ever entitled to child maintenance nothing else unless you are married.

It doesn't have to cost a lot either. Yes my Dad paid for a nice wedding, but I would have quite happily ran off with DH and just had a small registry's wedding. A marriage isn't about the wedding its about everyday that comes after it.

If you work in child protection, you surely must've noticed that marriage has bugger all to do with whether it goes wrong in that way!

But otherwise, agree with the general tone of the thread. The undeniable benefits of marriage occur when you want the legal and financial implications of it, that can't be got any way other than being married or having a CP. Some people want them, some don't. The rest is opinion and preference. If you feel you don't understand IHT and if it's relevant to you, get professional advice.

In terms of relationships ending, it's not usually the divorce itself that's the expensive part. It's the arrangements over children and/or property that go along with it. If you don't want DC together then this may not be applicable to you OP, but anyone who has children and/or property with a partner and believes it's insulating them against expenses in the event of a split is sadly mistaken.

Also, we had a huge weekend wedding on a beach resort with a bbq and pools. It was a blood ace day and I’d do it all again. When else do I get to where a completely elaborate dress and have a big party just for putting a ring on it 😂 can’t beat a good old party.

You don’t have to get married if you don’t want to OP. As to why other people get married I feel like you suspect we’re all just brain dead zombies doing it because it’s just the thing to do or because we want a big fancy wedding. Maybe that is true for some but for me and for a lot of people we actually believe in marriage as a serious commitment. It means something real to make that commitment to each other and to stick to it.

Because we had two children, I can’t work
full time anymore as nursery costs more
than my salary, so I take the hit to care for our children. Being married means I’m protected and if the worst does happen then me and the kids aren’t out on our arse with no money and nowhere to go.

You can have a lovely wedding for a lot less too. I have been invited to a few low-key ones, which probably took a lot of work but didn't cost anywhere that much, not small weddings either

I agree.

I wouldn't say that marriage is universally beneficial, nor would I say it's always bad.

But it's definitely not just for show - and people thinking that may sign themselves up to legal consequences they are not aware of.

You are confusing a marriage with a wedding.

One is intended to last a lifetime, the other is intended to last a day.

Legally, they are very different things.

You'd think a family lawyer would know that.

Legal protection obviously

"waste of money" only for people like you. Some of us like a party, weddings is the perfect excuse to throw pretty much the party of a lifetime if you want one. I love weddings, nearly all the ones I was invited to were genuine. Big weddings are not mandatory however.

Pretty much everything is "waste of money" if you think about it. Life is too short.

Wedding, honeymoon, parties for christening, big birthdays. Love them and such a better way to catch-up with everyone without waiting for funerals.