To expect a little more understanding from LM

she’s one of those people who doesn’t want kids

You lost me here. YABVU. Her life choices are nothing to do with her effectiveness as a manager.

This. Her style of management sounds perfectly fine to me (and similar to my own!). She's not complaining about time off, she's just getting on with the requirements of her role.

It sounds like you are judging her lifestyle whilst she's just not showing any interest in yours,,,

Are you taking sick leave when your child is sick? It's hard to work out from your post. If so you are being very unreasonable - that is not what it is for.

Ultimately, her job is to line manage your work and ensure that the role the company hired you for is done.

She doesn't have to care if you are ill, your child is ill, or you've got child care problems. She's interested in whether your job is being done, as expected.

Harsh, but true.

For the first time in my life I have what I would describe as a brilliant manager. She doesn't have children, I have no idea whether she will have kids or not. Not my business. When my child is unwell, she is sympathetic, but professional. Usually says 'sorry to hear that, I'll send you over the carer's leave form, let me know if there's anything I can do to help from a workload perspective'. Not overly friendly but equally she's showing she cares and making me feel comfortable with taking the time off. When I'm unwell she usually says something along the lines of 'take as much time as you need to get better, remember if you come back too soon and have to go off sick again it'll be counted as two periods of sickness, so make sure you're better first!'. There's a fine balance to be had with line management!

I’m a female line manager and “one of those people” who doesn’t have kids (never a good look to describe any group of people with those words BTW). I’m relatively new to line management and one thing you have to learn is a bit of professional distance. I’m their line manager, not their friend. If they are off sick it’s my duty to make sure they are fit to return with a short conversation and the necessary paperwork. If I know their kids are sick I will ask a quick ‘how are they doing?’ if I happen to bump into them but that’s it. I don’t want to pry and there is a balance between showing interest and being invasive.

Echoing other posters, it sounds like she hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s obviously not a style of management you prefer but that happens. Gently, I think this is a you issue. You sound like you are projecting your own feelings about being part time (for whatever reason) onto your manager. You shouldn’t push through if you’re too sick to work and time off for childcare is to be expected. It probably doesn’t bother her nearly as much as you think.

I’m a LM and she’s probably just juggling a million things. It doesn’t sound like she’s saying anything bitchy to you.
You are back in work - she sends sick form.
2 sick absence in under 12 months - if you have a third in a year it would trigger a full process where I am.
Every time you are off or booking last minute leave it’s more paperwork and rejigging for her, that’s part of her job.
Not being overly friendly is best as it blurs lines especially if more formal procedures need to be invoked.
I do check on people and have 1-1 meetings but you need to be professional. People have a right to privacy.
If she had contacted you about illness you could feel she was critical of you being off and invading privacy. I often stick to a good morning please fill in form or thanks for letting me know.

How do you know she's judging you for being part time?
She's your manager first and foremost and not your friend so I think you may be expecting too much from her.

How specifically is she being 'bitchy'? Talking about you to colleagues? Sneering at you when you are in her presence? Sending passive aggressive emails/messages?

She isn't there to mollycoddle you. Your clear judgement about her not wanting kids is in very poor taste so I would reconsider that attitude if I were you.

I'm a female General Manager. When someone is sick, I take them off their shift and tell them to let me know when they are fit to return. They have a return to work interview to see if there is anything they need. I don't contact them when they are off/ill, I would get in trouble for that. Its all done in an efficent, polite manner. No hard feelings, just professional.

What exactly are you expecting? You have given her more work to do to cover your work, why would she spend any time sending you a 'message of sympathy'?

Sounds like you need to get over yourself a bit tbh.

she’s one of those people who doesn’t want kids and I feel like she just judges me for being PT

This makes me feel uncomfortable as it reads as quite sexist.

Just wondering if it would even enter your head to think like that, if your manager was male?

And what does "She barely asked me how I was" even mean?

She asked you or she didn't.

Are you a single parent OP? Because if your DD has another parent, it's not really on to expect your employer to always be the one having their staff member absent. So often people prioritise the Big full time job in the household with the second job being taken far less seriously. Which is pretty unfair to that employer. If you're a couple I think you need to make sure it's not always you taking time off. If you're a single parent, you have my sympathies. It's very hard to balance work and childcare alone. However it's incredibly frustrating when staff are unreliable even if it's not their fault.

Your comments about your line manager's personal life are completely out of order @Mum8929 - on that YABU - very.

Yes, it's hard with small children. YANBU there - I don't doubt you are trying really hard.

It could also be that there are specific pressures on your line manager - deadlines etc, which you don't know about, but that she has to juggle, at the same time as dealing with covering for you on sick leave.

Yes, yes, as a manager that's her job, but nowadays managers often don't get the support they need in order to support the employees they're managing.

When you say sick leave OP are you conflating you being off because you are ill, with you being off to look after your child who is ill? It’s not clear but these two things should be treated differently

@Mum8929 I feel she should ask you how you are? Part of your job as a manager is to make sure the people you manage are ok - so you check in on them. I'm pretty sure where I work it's mandatory to ask people when they get back from sick leave

Her role is to manage her team.

Honestly your problems are not her problems. Fill in the form, do the “back to work” procedure's.

Just because she doesn’t have children doesn’t mean she’s an ogre.

How is she 'being bitchy' with you ?
How do you know she doesn't want kids ?
TBH when people phone in if their kids are sick I'm not really that interested.
( I do have a child).

She's not paid to be sympathetic. She's paid to ensure that the organisation you work for runs smoothly. The fact that you have kids is not her problem, the fact that the nursery is closed is not her problem. If you agree to do a job when you have kids you cannot expect special treatment or your manager to mop your brow. This is why companies used to be reluctant (and probably still are) to employ women in more senior roles. I also feel you are being judgemental because she doesn't have children. You clearly expect some sort of leeway.

Not everyone does want that though OP. Yes, the best managers flex their style to their staff, so she could improve by doing so in your case. However it doesn't sound like she's being bitchy, or unreasonable or unpleasant about your need to take time off. That sounds like self projection tbh.

I am very much a "keep work separate" person. I don't want my boss asking about my kids or my holidays etc. I like keeping a professional distance. Perhaps your boss is the same

Doubt it

Agreed, and I wonder if the absence of own children would even be mentioned if the manager was male.

She's doing her job in a professional way and it doesn't sound as though she's actually pressurising you to work when you can't. Whether she has or wants children isn't relevant.

Gently your manager doesn't sound unreasonable. I say this as someone who returned pt after mat leave - I never expected my manager to be my friend or deal with absences in an informal sympathetic manner because as much as it can't be helped it often impacts them and others.
I also used to feel paranoid people judged as I was the only pt worker in office and a single parent so all sickness fell on me. You know you aren't skiving off so my only solution was to be thick skinned and not dwell on snide comments others made I did my hours and didn't give the job or people a second thought. It made the decision to retrain and leave the job much easier.

Yes unless she's actually said anything about your absences I'm not sure what your complaint is here

In all honesty I'd keep a spreadsheet so you can demonstrate he is doing 50% or more of the disruption. When I went back to work during covid times my LO was off so often and it was only when I showed my LM a spreadsheet demonstrating that my DH was doing twice as many days looking after her than me that they eased up

Well, I think you do get much more out of people if you are genuinely interested in their wellbeing and in who they are as people, what's going on for them etc.

But some managers just aren't interested, and I'm not really sure why you would want them to feign interest in a performative way when they don't actually give a shit. How would that kind of fake empathy benefit you, I wonder?

I do think it's reasonable to wish for a more empathetic manager but I think it's unreasonable to complain on the Internet about a manager that doesn't actually seem to be giving you a hard time about your absences.