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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Re-register DS Birth certificate

120 replies

Kira893 · 23/07/2024 21:19

Hi MN

When I was pregnant, me and father had just really met and he wasn’t around to support me. When baby was born, he started to step up. He came with me to the registry office and begged me to give baby his last name as everyone does that in his family married or not. There was an argument and the registry office lady advised me to keep him off the birth certificate and give baby my name until he can prove himself, then I can change it at anytime .

He asked me if he proves himself, would I consider changing it and I agreed. So for the last 3 years he’s been great with DD. Can’t fault him. DD turning very soon, He’s now brought it up again and wants his name on the birth certificate and DD to have last name. I think I’m ok with it but I feel a bit silly calling up the nursery etc asking them to change her name. Would they think it odd? I don’t really care much for my last name, I’ve no contact with any of my dad’s side of my family. I don’t really think last names matter much.

Would anyone else change it?

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 23/07/2024 22:19

Of course don’t change her name. Put him on the birth certificate if you want to.

Are you a couple? She can have his name when you get married. Otherwise why the fuck should she have his name and not yours?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 23/07/2024 22:18

x2boys · 23/07/2024 21:35

I think it was very wrong of the registrar to tell you not too put his name on the birth certificate, it's about the child's right to know their father, the lsst name is a totally different issue

Edited

Luckily the child does know her father so that's not an issue.

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 23/07/2024 22:17

In my opinion if he wants his child to have his name, then he should marry you OP. At least if he does that, it shows some sort of commitment, and gives you and your child some security, whereas what happens if someone else comes along that he takes a fancy to, what happens to your child then? He pisses off, and you're left with the child that you carried and gave birth to, not even bearing your name. As other posters have said, if he wants the child to have the same name as his, but doesn't want to marry you, or you don't want to marry him, then he can change his by Deed Poll.

Cinocino · 23/07/2024 22:16

thursdaymurderclub · 23/07/2024 22:01

I would be very surprised if the registrar advised you of this! How unprofessional...

If he is the father then why should his name not be on the birth certificate?

It does annoy me when people refuse to put the father on a birth certificate ..

The baby doesn't have to have his fathers name but the father has a right to be on it

There is a reason the father isn’t automatically entitled to be on the BC if the parents aren’t married. He does not have a right to be on it.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 23/07/2024 22:16

Why would you change her name? It's not just your name anymore, it's hers.

His name is no more valid than yours. He just thinks his daughter should have his surname because he's the man and you're only a woman. (The woman who has done all the hard work growing, giving birth to and raising your daughter.)

AdoraBell · 23/07/2024 22:16

Add him on but don’t change the name. If he wants his child to have his name he needs to be married to the mother. If that happens, I’m saying you have to marry him, then add his name on the end of DD’s last name.

My DDs are double barrelled because I kept my name and double barrelled after getting married.

GoodnightJude1 · 23/07/2024 22:13

@CantHoldMeDown

You’re right, I could have done.

Unfortunately I didn’t fancy sharing a last name with a man that abused me for years then cheated on me with my best friend.

CantHoldMeDown · 23/07/2024 22:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Bananabreadandstrawberries · 23/07/2024 22:10

thursdaymurderclub · 23/07/2024 22:01

I would be very surprised if the registrar advised you of this! How unprofessional...

If he is the father then why should his name not be on the birth certificate?

It does annoy me when people refuse to put the father on a birth certificate ..

The baby doesn't have to have his fathers name but the father has a right to be on it

An unmarried father does not have the automatic right to be on the birth certificate.

He should have married the mother if he wanted this.

CantHoldMeDown · 23/07/2024 22:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

NCfor24 · 23/07/2024 22:08

As a registrar we advise of the facts.
Adding father to registration gives him joint parental responsibility.
It is very difficult to change a child's name once given apart from on re-registration. If child has dad's name his permission is needed to change it later on.
These are the facts. If a couple are unmarried or a mother registers baby alone, we advise to give the child mother's surname.
A child can be reregistered later on to add dad, and name can be changed at that point if required.

SoupDragon · 23/07/2024 22:03

I agree with others - at the most add his name in the middle but don't change her surname.

thursdaymurderclub · 23/07/2024 22:01

I would be very surprised if the registrar advised you of this! How unprofessional...

If he is the father then why should his name not be on the birth certificate?

It does annoy me when people refuse to put the father on a birth certificate ..

The baby doesn't have to have his fathers name but the father has a right to be on it

DustyLee123 · 23/07/2024 21:59

If you have to , just add his surname as a middle name, don’t change it.

PuttingDownRoots · 23/07/2024 21:58

Add his surname as a middle name perhaps? Then the connection is there, but she keeps her name.

Cinocino · 23/07/2024 21:54

ChilliSquib · 23/07/2024 21:45

But if he goes to court he would likely be added anyway.

Yes but I still think that it's a good thing that at the registrar appointment women are told all of the information.

It sounds like the registrar only told the OP due to the dynamic between them on the day and having an argument during the appointment, she clearly thought it was relevant information to the OPs situation.

NCfor24 · 23/07/2024 21:54

You can absolutely re-register to add dad. But I definitely wouldn't change her name.
Just be aware of the implications of him having parental responsibility, but if he is present and involved then I don't see why he shouldn't have it.

Cinocino · 23/07/2024 21:51

I can’t see a single good reason to remove your name from DD and replace it with his.

YellowDots · 23/07/2024 21:50

MY DD just changed my 8 year old GDs name….it cost just under 50 quid to do….she then got a new certificate…..she now has a passport with the new name ….it was very simple to do

You can't change a birth certificate. They are in those enormous books!

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 23/07/2024 21:48

Don't change her name. If he's unhappy he can change to hers. Really really don't do this.

Kitkat1523 · 23/07/2024 21:46

BeaRF75 · 23/07/2024 21:31

You can't legally change a birth certificate if the child is more than 12 months old.
You can change the child's name by other means (although it may not be a good idea), but the birth certificate is now fixed.

MY DD just changed my 8 year old GDs name….it cost just under 50 quid to do….she then got a new certificate…..she now has a passport with the new name ….it was very simple to do

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 23/07/2024 21:46

You'd feel silly telling nursery... because it's a silly decision. No I absolutely wouldn't change my DD's name. If he was so concerned with tradition he wouldn't have had a baby outside marriage in the first place ffs.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 23/07/2024 21:46

You don’t need to change her name but add him to the birth certificate. You should have some that on the first place. He is your daughters father and your daughter deserves to have her official record (birth certificate) being accurate.

ChilliSquib · 23/07/2024 21:45

But if he goes to court he would likely be added anyway.

Yes but I still think that it's a good thing that at the registrar appointment women are told all of the information.

x2boys · 23/07/2024 21:44

ChilliSquib · 23/07/2024 21:43

I was just thinking the opposite.

I think a lot of women do not know that they can leave a man off the BC and it is a good thing that people are informed of this. And that they can add him later but they can't remove him.

Presumably he wasn't there anyway so he could not go on it regardless.

Show quote history

But if he goes to court he would likely be added anyway.

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